THE OTHER PANDEMIC FOOD FOR THOUGHT
My baby girl is having a baby girl, and I’mover the moon and stars for the soon-to-be mommy and daddy, Erica and Ramsey.
been suicidal. Even before she knew her career path, she had helped friends in school who were suicidal. When she was an undergraduate in college, she created a video on suicide prevention. During her internship,
It’s Jewish tradition to name the child after a loved one passed on. It’s a way for a part of that person who’s passed on to live on. Ramsey isn’t Jewish, but he’s open to sharing the traditions. And even though I’ve mentioned to Erica to name her daughter after someone, I’mnot sure of their plans. Both of my daughters are named after my father, who was killed in a car accident at the age of 59 because of a car malfunction. They’re also named after a loved one on Michael’s side of the family. But Erica’s English middle name, Victoria, is the name of my best friend who died six months after giving birth to her daughter. Tragically, Victoria suffered frompostpartumpsychosis after birth and died by suicide. I’ve never discussed this with anyone who didn’t know her, or if I thought that information could be helpful to someone, until now. One reason is I never wanted anybody’s opinion or feedback on the situation. They didn’t know her, and I didn’t want to“explain”her or what happened. Victoria and I literally grew up together. We lived close to each other, and when we weren’t spending time together, we’d be talking on the phone. She was one of my bridesmaids when I married. She had so many qualities I admired, one being her ability to stand up for those teased in school or anywhere. Her conviction of caring for someone else was stronger than the recourse of becoming a target. The pain of losing her was like if I lost a sister. When her daughter was a couple months old, I sensed something was wrong but had no idea what it was, and I confrontedVictoria and begged her to tell me, but she wouldn’t. She said, “You’ll never forgive me.”And I said, “There isn’t anything you’d do I wouldn’t forgive you for.”This was back in 1990, and I didn’t even knowwhat postpartumdepression was. After she died, I did research to get a better understanding of postpartumdepression and to write an article to be published in a magazine to bring awareness to others. I enrolled in a writing class at UCLA, which led tomore classes. I did all this in hopes of gettingmy article published, which it never was, although I ended up having a career as a writer. Luckily, today more women and families knowwhat postpartumdepression is and there are better treatments for it.
Left: Roslyn and Victoria Right: Erica at 17 weeks pregnant
she worked at Lincoln Memorial Hospital in the Bronx treating suicidal people who came into the emergency room. And as a professional working at UCLA, she has trained emergency room doctors on how to treat suicidal people who come into the ER. It’s like I couldn’t helpmy best friend because I didn’t know the problem, or how to help her, but ironically, her namesake has helpedmany. Naming my children after loved ones has been important to me. Losing my father and best friend suddenly was devastating, but somehow passing on their name to my children has been healing to me. My point of all of this is while there’s a COVID-19 pandemic going on, Erica says it’s brought on another pandemic that’s not being talked about enough and that is the mental health pandemic. So, I’m talking about it here. Victoria wasn’t a depressed person by nature, and I know her husband tried to help her. At the time, her psychosis told her that her family would be better off without her. And that’s what depression does— it lies. Instead, nothing was the same without her. Her husband eventually remarried, and I became friends with his wife who adopted and raised her daughter, who is a wonderful young woman. Don’t let depression lie to you or someone you love. Your life is worth it. One call, one more day canmake all the difference. If tellingVictoria’s story helps anyone in any way, it was worth sharing.
If you, or someone you know, is feeling suicidal, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255 or go to their website at SuicidePreventionLifeline.org. –Roslyn Rozbruch
What’s interesting is that my daughter Erica Victoria, who has a PhD in clinical psychology, has helped somany others who have
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