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Finding Your Third Place By Jackson Rainer
The world in which we now live is fragmented and polarized. Much of what we knew as the common good has been abandoned in favor of the entitled view of "I want what I want, and I want it now, regardless of the expense it may mean to anyone else." Social scientists studying this phenomenon consistently report the loss of community as a significant contributor to loneliness and a diminished sense of personal agency.
Home — the first place — is where people find family and those with whom they live. Work – the second place — is where people, before retirement, may spend most of their waking time. Oldenberg wrote that third places are distinct anchors of community life, facilitating and fostering broader, more creative interaction with others. He argues that third places are crucial for healthy social engagement. A third place allows a person to relax in public, encounter familiar faces and make new acquaintances. It is each person's "Cheers" bar, a place where everybody knows your name.
"I want what I want, and I want it now, regardless of the expense it may mean to anyone else."
The Cemetery Club
Bruce Wynn is a 60-something solo ager who works as the music director and organist for a large urban church. He describes his third place: "I started this little group some years ago with my friend and next-door neighbor, Michael Smallwood. At the beginning when we would get together, we realized how much comfort we found in our friendship. We brought a lot of good conversation to the table and progressively invited others to gather with us, without any pretense. Along the way, one of us remembered our grandfather's adage, 'We both have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel ...'."
Some years ago, the sociologist Ray Oldenberg researched, then coined, the term "the third place." He said this third place refers to the social surroundings that are separate from the two usual social environments of home (the "first place") and work (the "second place").
As Wynn said, “Everybody is welcome. We haven't reached out much, and people still find us."
"Everybody is welcome. We haven't reached out much, and people still find us."
Read more of this story on NextAvenue.org
20
SEPTEMBER 2025
NEXTAVENUE.ORG
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