We would like to acknowledge all our contributors for enabling the pan-African expansion of this edition and sharing their insights and wisdom. This edition is dedicated to healing practices for recovery from trauma. We are pleased to announce that we have an Africa section where we engage GBVF at a continental level.
COLLECTIVE ACTION MAGAZINE
JUNE 2023
Made possible by
in partnership with
Hungani Ndlovu Ruth Nombuso Zuma Natalie Abrahams Nolitha Ruth Maseko-Boyce Candice Ludick Suhail Desai Sazini Mojapelo Nomfundo Mogapi Dr Shaheda Bibi Omar Thobeka Belewa Portia van Wyk Dr. Zamantshali Dlamini Mara Glennie Amogelang Pila Ditlhale Leeroy Cana Alrien Van Der Walt Dr Njabulo Banda Mbali Shongwe Lubabalo Ngcolomba Kim Ballentine Contributors
Mental Wellness Initiative NPC Address: 292 Surrey Avenue, Randburg Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa Email: media@mwi.org.za Office No.: +27 10 005 5361 /+27 (0) 63 912 8735 Website: www.mwi.org.za/media Editorial Office Acknowledgments We would like to acknowledge all our contributors for enabling the pan-African expansion of this edition and sharing their insights and wisdom. This edition is dedicated to healing practices for recovery from trauma. We are pleased to announce that we have an Africa section where we engage GBVF at a continental level.
Lenina Rassool Martin Sweet Aisha Bubah Byolenganya Olo
Diana Demba-Mutondo Heritage Sanmi-Lawal Merilyn Mushakwe May Laurelle
Team
Chief Executive Officer Tracey-Lee Kotzen Editor in Chief Hazel Namponya Creative Director Heidi Schutter Technical Consultant Segametsi Ditlhale Candice Ludick Shannon Van Den Bergh
@collectiveactionmagazine
2
COLLECTIVE ACTION MAGAZINE
in this
ISSUE...
Tracing the roots of GBV in South Africa 19
REGULARS
05
CEO's Spotlight
Interview with Natalie Abrahams: When purpose calls 21
06
Editor In Chief's Note
08
Creative Director's Note
Fantastic Family LGBTIQ 28 Interview with Suhail Desai – Being Gay & Muslim 30
FEATURES
10
Interview with Brad Kallenbach – Psychedelic assisted therapy Interview with Hungani Ndlovu a victim of domestic violence Interview with Nomfundo Mogapi- Expert on trauma informed approaches
50
Solutions for the community by the community 36 Men’s behavioural contribution to GBV is influenced by socialisation 39
65
ARTICLES
Through the eyes of a victim turned perpetrator 42
86
It’s time to grow the End GBVF Movement
89
South Africa’s political prioritisation of GBV. Are we doing enough?
45
From survivor of abuse to CEO
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
3
COLLECTIVE ACTION MAGAZINE
in this
ISSUE
ART
Self-healers Cracking the Healing Code 60 Working Towards a Holistic Solution for SGBVF 63
72
A message for the living - The art of trauma-healing through Shadow Work and Spirituality.
81
Interview with Leeroy Cana – Denim art and GBV
Opinion Piece: A reflection on the Presidency's attitude towards ongoing violence 93 Rethinking gender norms 95
AFRICA FEATURE
Strong systems make for stronger people: our role in ending VAWG (Nigeria) Children without joy and hope in eastern DR Congo (DRC) Good Governance a remedy to Sexual and Gender-Based Violence (Chad) Ending rape culture: A Social Responsibility or an Administrative Duty (Nigeria)
115
119
Are you making time for whitespace? 98 Interview with Lenina Rassool – Women and GBV in the media space 103
120
122
Changing mindsets to shift patriarchal paradigms at school and address climate change 106
124
Female Genital Mutilation / Cutting (Zimbabwe)
111
127
GBV Prevention Through a System Strengthening Approach in Jordan (Middle East)
Maputo Protocol and the Rights of Women, Children and the LGBTQIA+ Community
4
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
W
Murder of women and children: The murder of women increased by 7.9% during the period, with nearly 1000 women being killed, and attempted murder increased by 21.5%, with 1485 cases reported. On the other hand, the murder of children decreased by almost 1/5, from 306 incidents in Jan-Mar 2022 to 245 in the review period. However, the attempted murder of children increased by almost 9%, from 331 to 360 incidents year on year. Locations of rape: Of the 7769 reported rapes, approximately two-thirds occurred in locations familiar to the victim, such as their own homes or the perpetrator's homes. Schools remain unsafe institutions, with 67 reported rapes occurring on school premises during the period, 43 of which were committed by fellow learners. Aggravating factors: Alcohol was identified as an aggravating factor in 17% (1237 cases) of reported rape cases. While these statistics are significant, we must consider the issue of under-reporting when analysing the data. The under-reporting of rape and sexual assault remains a collective blind spot, diluting the apparent severity of the issue. Unlike murder and attempted murder, which are more likely to be reported by the victim's family due to the severity of the crimes, rape and sexual assault often occur in private and rely on the victim's willingness to report. This discrepancy hinders our ability to fully understand the extent of the problem. The implications of under-reporting include limitations in evidence-based responses, difficulty in assessing the effectiveness of interventions, and the continued freedom of perpetrators who accumulate multiple victims due to unreported cases. To address this, we must maintain aggressive GBVF awareness campaigns, ensuring that victims are aware of reporting channels and expand these channels as much as possible. Additionally, we must pressure law enforcement to remove barriers to reporting GBV.
elcome to the third edition of Collective Action Magazine, where we highlight the approaches, successes, and lessons learned in the course of taking action to end gender-based violence and femicide (GBVF) in South Africa and worldwide. As we continue our work, it's important to assess our successes and failures in ending GBVF. One way to gauge the problem and our progress is by evaluating the quarterly crime statistics published by the South African Police Service (SAPS).
It is crucial for those working in this field to take care of themselves and prevent burnout. The burnout rate in the social justice sector is as high as 80% within 5 years, and we cannot afford to lose dedicated individuals. Rest, seek support, and remember that this is a long-term effort. In conclusion, I extend my love and blessings to all those committed to this work. Your efforts will have a lasting impact. Let's continue working with communities and stakeholders to enable safe reporting, implement prevention programmes, and share successful strategies.
In this edition, we will focus on the statistics from the 4th Quarter SAPS report (Q4 2022/2023) and assess what they reveal about the state of GBVF in South Africa. Sexual Offences: The overall statistics show a 4.3% decrease in reported sexual offences during the period, with a total of 13,205 incidents. When examining the data in detail, we find the following trends: rape decreased by 2.8%, sexual assault decreased by 14.9%, attempted sexual offences increased by 21.2%, and contact sexual offences decreased by 30.5%. While there were 594 fewer reported sexual assaults compared to the previous year, the provinces of KwaZulu-Natal (KZN), Limpopo, and North West continued to experience an increase in reported sexual assaults.
CEO: Mental Wellness Initiative / Collective Action Magazine
5
Note from the Editor In Chief
INTERVIEWS TO CHECK OUT SOUTH AFRICA ON GBVF
Dear Reader
This unique and special edition is dedicated to healing from the trauma of GBV. We have included voices from women, children, men, and the LGBTQIA+ Community. We had the pleasure of interviewing Hungani Ndlovu who opens up about his experience with domestic violence and his healing journey and now lives a full, thriving life. Suhail Desai candidly talks about how his decision to live openly as a gay Muslim man has resulted in him being ostracized from his faith community. Every edition is exciting for us because there is always something new and we certainly haven’t let you down in this issue. We are pleased to announce that Collective Action Magazine has become borderless! Our mandate to answer the question “What is being done to address GBVF"? has echoed beyond the borders of South Africa. We are thrilled to announce that this edition includes three sections that cover; South Africa, Africa and the Middle East, bringing together a larger global community of actors. In these sections we showcase submissions from South Africa, Chad, Nigeria, The DRC, Jordan and Zimbabwe. efore I get lost in this exciting edition, I would like to thank you for choosing to read Collective Action Magazine. You, the reader, and those who are dedicated to ending GBVF are the fuel that keeps us going. B We often focus on healing from the physical violence, but we neglect the invisible wound "emotional trauma". We speak with Nomfundo Mogapi who is an expert in psychological trauma and trauma healing approaches. Her enlightenment in this topic enabled us to explore some healing techniques that we share in this edition. We consulted far and wide with various survivors and healing practitioners (individuals and institutions that are dedicated to trauma healing). These include self-help healing techniques highlighted by Natalie Abrahams in her interview where she recognised the cause of trauma and made a decision to uproot it by ending the cycle. Dr. Zamantshali Dlamini, shares how self healers crack the code through the power of their own voice, determination and resistance. We explored healing through “shadow work”and “spirituality” with Amogelang Pila- Ditlhale and her team which involves accepting Self wholly and delving into the spirit being. Still controversial is the use of psychedelics as a healing modality. Brad Kallenbach and his team have braved these waters through psychedelic-assisted therapy which supported by research can lead to long-lasting positive changes in individuals.
10
50
72
AFRICA ON GBVF
114
6
At times words can be a barrier to healing because words cannot articulate what the mind can process. As a result of unprocessed trauma, speaking can be a difficult outlet of expression. Art is a form of expression that does not require words, it’s a form of self-expression that transcends the limitation of words. We speak with Leeroy Cana an artist using his art as the voice for the voiceless. In our next edition we will explore healing techniques like Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) developed by Dr David Berceli, who demonstrates that the body stores trauma and stress which can be released in a physical, non- verbal way. We will also explore a practice called Family Constellations, a group healing practice where, through careful facilitation, an individual can tap into their family constellations to seek answers and sometimes find closure. All this exploration of healing modalities is driven by the fact that we firmly believe that healing is the key to ending the cycle of GBVF. The mentioned modalities are an additional offer to common practises like counselling, faith-based interventions, psychological therapy, and so on. We are aware that not everyone has the same beliefs and practices, and it is important that you decide on a path you believe in and that works for you.
That being said, I hope you enjoy this edition.
Happy reading!
Hazel Namponya Hazel Namponya - Editor In Chief
7
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
Creative Director's Note
C
reating the Collective Action Magazine has been such a soulful journey for the team. With much love and soul, we bring you this edition.
Working in the empowerment and community development sector requires sacrifice, yet, it is highly fulfilling, mainly because it is purpose-driven. Our calling is to serve humanity, by carefully crafting and collating stories on GBVF that will influence, change and create a positive narrative for our country and the rest of the world. In this edition, we are privileged to once again bring you compelling stories on the work of the End GBVF Collective in South Africa and the continent. These are individuals and organisations who are boldly doing the work, impacting communities, and coming together to change nations and setting a new foundation for the next generation. We have created this platform to bring together all players in the GBVF space with the aim to educate, inform, share lessons learnt, and share stories around the work being done. We would like to appreciate all our contributors and interview guests who bring so much value and make this a rich experience for our readers. It is such an honour to be the creative director and be allowed to "go bos" with the designs. That freedom is where expression lives.
I hope you enjoy this reading experience.
To read this story online, open your phone camera and scan this QR Code.
Heidi Schutter Heidi Schutter - Creative Director
8
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
STOP GENDER-BASED VIOLENCE & FEMICIDE
“If GBV inflicted trauma wounds are untransformed, then history will keep on repeating itself, and every time it does, the cost is higher.” ~quote extract from Sandra Bloom~
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
9
I WAS A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INTERVIEW WITH
HUNGANI NDLOVU I tell my story because, I am a testament that men do experience domestic violence. I encourage you not to suffer in silence, seek help, it is possible to heal and live a full thriving life.
10
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN SOUTH AFRICA
Although people have a hard time believing it, intimate partner violence (IPV) and domestic violence (DV) affect people of all genders, and the psychological and emotional scars it leaves are the same. The Centre for African Justice, Peace, and Human Rights released an article on “Male Domestic Violence in South Africa and Nigeria” and listed the below as impacts of abuse on the male gender: anxiety, depression, fear, post-traumatic stress disorder, and an inferiority complex that involves feeling “less of a man” or having less control over your own body, feeling on- edge and being unable to relax. Not surprisingly, these are the same symptoms experienced by all victims of domestic violence, regardless of gender. Of course, women typically describe the experience of the inferiority complex as feeling like “less of a woman” rather than “less of a man” but these are nothing more than gendered expressions of the underlying dehumanisation that is common among all survivors of domestic violence. The Centre for African Justice, Peace, and Human Rights recommended solution to this problem is for victims to speak up, get help as soon as possible, and create more awareness of the issue and existing laws that protect men who suffer abuse. Once again, a similar solution would be suitable for IPV and DV victims of all genders. Collective Action Magazine speaks to Hungani Ndlovu on his life journey and where he struggled with bullying and intimate partner violence. He opens up about his experience with and recovery from the abuse. Thanks to Hungani's courage we are reminded that it is possible to experience terrible circumstances and overcome them with hope, healing and full restoration.
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine Collective Action Magazine
11
THE INTERVIEW CAM: Thank you for joining Collective Action Magazine. In this interview, we'll be discussing male trauma due to domestic violence and abuse, which is a pressing issue in our nation. There is a lot of silence and trolling surrounding it. We have invited you to help us unpack this because you have personally gone through this experience and have openly spoken about its impact on your life. As a member of Matrix Men and representing many men in this space, you will also shed light on what's really happening on the ground. But before we begin the interview, I'd like to share a quote from the Centre of Justice, Peace, and Human Rights. They wrote an article on male domestic violence in South Africa and Nigeria, stating that anxiety, depression, fear, post-traumatic stress, and post-traumatic stress disorder are some of the impacts of male domestic violence. We have witnessed a significant increase in male suicides in South Africa, with it being ranked as the second-highest male suicide rate in the world in 2020. Unfortunately, the situation has not improved. These are some of the underlying issues we want to address today. We aim to have an enlightening conversation while also raising awareness of the impact this is having on our society.
Before we dive in, we would like to know more about you. Who is Hungani Ndlovu?
12
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine Collective Action Magazine
I find myself in the entertainment industry. But yeah, I'm just a young man living in a male body, experiencing the flaws, lights, and the calling. I think sometimes we exaggerate the things we enjoy doing into callings so that we can find meaning and purpose in them. For me, it's something I enjoy doing because I grew up not being able to express myself. I didn't feel like I had a voice. As a dancer, this became my form of expression, and I found my voice through being in the entertainment space. That's why I grew more within the entertainment industry because my voice was growing. I transitioned from a dancer to an actor, content creator, DJ, and MC. As my versatility grew, I felt my own voice, as if God's voice, becoming stronger. That's why I'm able to go on platforms like this and share my voice. It helped me develop a stronger sense of self-confidence, self- esteem, and self-worth. So, calling? I don't know because I haven't connected it in a spiritual sense. Some of the things we do in the industry aren't uplifting in a spiritual way. It's difficult to say it's my calling when I might be playing a serial killer in a movie. Hungani: Firstly, thank you for having me. It's truly an honour and a privilege, and I don't take this opportunity lightly. Hungani Ndlovu is a young black man who is now a father, husband, and child of God. I am a believer in the Christian faith, and that is essentially who I am. What I do is not who I am, but I work as an actor, dancer, DJ, and entertainer.
Hungani with his wife Stephanie
CAM: Yeah, I'm going to come back to that because what you just said is very important for our readers and listeners. We're talking about healing. Let's unpack your life, you openly spoke about the abuse you went through during your school days, right through to a previous relationship, where you experienced domestic violence. Do you mind taking us through that journey? Hungani : In primary school, I was a very shy kid who struggled to fit in. When I got to high school, my parents decided to send me to a boarding school, a very prestigious one. It was an opportunity for me to explore, grow, and figure myself out but because I was a shy kid and attended a traditional boys' school, things didn't go as planned. Bullying was a prevalent issue, and sometimes it was disguised as initiation or a tradition that we all went through. But the impact on individuals was much more damaging than the sense of community within the school. The bullying I experienced made me lose self-confidence and self- worth. Eventually, when I reached a senior position, I found myself retaliating by bullying the juniors because it seemed like that was how the system worked, and I needed to follow it to survive. Looking back, I realised that spending my last five years from grade eight to matric in that environment was very traumatic. Experiencing bullying and then becoming a bully is not a healthy framework to enter the real world. And this is where my abusive relationship began before I even started university.
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
13
Hungani : I didn't raise anything with my parents because they were in Limpopo. My sister lived 30 minutes away from the school, but it still felt like I was placed there to become a strong young man, embodying the qualities that the school emphasized, qualities like power, courage, bravery, and other aspects of masculinity. In my first month at the school, I experienced bullying, and I decided to seek help from the school psychologist. I shared the details of the bullying, like how someone would ask me to warm up the toilet seat by sitting on it before they used it or how I was asked to clean up after someone when they finished using the bathroom. All of this was considered part of the initiation process, but if you think about it, it was absurd. It felt like we were in prison. By the end of that school day, everyone I had mentioned to the psychologist knew that I had spoken about them. The concept of patient-doctor confidentiality was completely disregarded, and being labelled a snitch made my experience even more challenging. I learned that to fit into this world, I had to keep quiet, endure the hardships, and eventually make it to the other side. That's why, when I was in a senior position, I retaliated. I had been waiting for three years for that moment, and I wanted to utilize it the way I had been taught within that environment. Some examples of the initiation included absurd tasks like making two-minute noodles in exactly two minutes, which is scientifically impossible since even the kettle takes longer to boil. If I couldn't meet these expectations, I would be hit with a cricket bat. The list of examples goes on, and we've seen similar stories in news articles from other schools. It's not uncommon, but not everyone is equipped to handle these experiences. Some guys might say that without those experiences, they wouldn't be who they are today. Technically, it's the same for me, but at the time, I didn't glorify that experience. I was afraid. CAM: On the topic of bullying, for parents with male children or children in school, could you talk about some examples of initiation? What were some types of bullying you experienced, and did you raise any red flags with your parents?
I went to bed with one eye open, never knowing if someone would attack me while I slept using a pillowcase filled with school shoes. It was a constant state of stress, and we all know that prolonged stress is unhealthy, leading to various physical and psychological issues due to chemical releases and hormonal imbalances. It was not a pleasant experience. Moving on to my relationship, it started off beautiful, like any other relationship. We were happy and in love. However, as we spent more time together and became more transparent, we discovered certain things about each other that didn't align with our expectations. We had different ways of living life due to cultural differences—she was from Slovenia, and I was from South Africa. Additionally, the age difference played a role as well, with her being six or seven years older than me, which may have skewed the power dynamic because there are many factors that didn't add up. I found myself in a position where she used sex as a condition for our relationship. As a young man, I wanted to be in a relationship with her, so I went along with it, even though I wanted to save myself for marriage. There were many different factors that eventually led to the relationship turning physical. It started with small things, but only after leaving the relationship did I realise that it began with psychological abuse. Everything I did was criticised and controlled.
14
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine Collective Action Magazine
CAM: Many victims of DV report a certain level of grooming by the perpetrator, which may start off as spates of rage, isolation, control, etc. Did you see that play out in your relationship and to what extent was the abuse? Hungani : I don't necessarily believe she intentionally groomed me. She had her own traumas that surfaced, which may explain some of her actions. It doesn't justify her behaviour, but it helps me understand why she made certain decisions based on her own unresolved traumas, just like I had my own unresolved traumas.
For more information about Matrix Men, scan QR Code
Playful moments
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
15
But when I arrived in South Africa, she texted me and said, "It's been great. Thank you for your time. All the best in your life." That was the end of it. I never had the courage to break up with her myself, even though I wanted to for months. So that's how it happened. It was a sudden and unexpected end to the relationship. I often wonder what would have happened if our permits hadn't expired. Would we still be together? Would we have sought help? We tried to get help before, but it didn't work out. Would we have eventually separated? These thoughts linger because if it weren't for the permit expiration, we might not have split up at that time.
CAM: I'm curious about when and why you decided to leave the relationship. How did that unfold for you?
Hungani : Leaving the relationship wasn't my choice. It's interesting because I often think about what would have happened if circumstances were different. We ended up separating because both of our permits to stay in the United States expired. She had to return to her home country, and I needed to come back to South Africa. However, even in our separation, it wasn't a complete end. We planned to continue the relationship long- distance, with the goal of working hard to obtain the necessary visas to be together again. We had hoped to reconnect in a year or two, with visits in between. So, the intention was to keep the relationship going.
"I never had the courage to break up with her myself, even though I wanted to for months".
16
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
If you lack the courage to leave, you may find ways to rationalise staying. For example, if you bring up leaving, it could lead to a fight. I recall a time when I threatened to leave, and she locked us both in a room and threw the key out the window. Now we were trapped together, unable to leave because the door was locked, and the key was gone. There are many variables at play, but the main one is your individual traumas and how they influence your decisions. If you have abandonment issues or a history of toxic relationships, you may feel that you deserve this treatment or that it's the norm for you. Having the courage to leave when you have the means to do so is crucial. Living together complicates matters further. Who will leave the apartment? If you break up, do you wait until the lease ends? Finding a new place alone may be more expensive. There are many considerations and challenges involved. CAM: At Matrix Men do you often see men coming in who have experienced similar situations? Is there a primary reason why men choose not to leave their abusive relationships? What are the dynamics behind it? Hungani : I believe it can vary from individual to individual, but there are common factors. It's about feeling like you should not be experiencing this, justifying the experience, and holding on to the belief that things will get better because it wasn't always like this. You remember the person you fell in love with and hope to return to that. You think about leaving, but then you question whether the toxicity is within the relationship or just in certain experiences. You have good days where everything seems fine, and you convince yourself that you need more of those good days and fewer of the bad ones. Additionally, if you have unresolved traumas of your own, such as abandonment or other issues, you may fear being alone or not knowing who you would be without the abuser. These factors play a role in why people stay in abusive relationships.
“…It's about, feeling like you should not be experiencing this, justifying the experience, and holding on to the belief that things will get better because it wasn't always like this. You remember the person you fell in love with and hope to return to that. You think about leaving, but then you question whether the toxicity is within the relationship or just in certain experiences. You have good days where everything seems fine, and you convince yourself that you need more of those good days and fewer of the bad ones. Additionally, if you have unresolved traumas of your own, such as abandonment or other issues, you may fear being alone or not knowing who you would be without the abuser. These factors play a role in why people stay in abusive relationships.”
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
17
Hungani : I didn't seek professional help specifically for domestic violence, but I did engage in therapy for my own personal growth and healing. Therapy provided a safe space for me to explore my emotions, understand the impact of the abuse, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Through therapy, I gained valuable insights and tools that helped me move forward and break free from the cycle of abuse. It's important to note that everyone's journey is unique, and seeking help can take different forms. What matters most is finding support and resources that resonate with you and contribute to your healing process.
CAM: It's interesting to see the similarities between your experiences and what women go through with abusers. The struggles of when to leave, questioning if it's really that bad or toxic, and the underlying trauma. Now that you've ended the relationship and moved on, at what point did you recognise that you had experienced domestic violence? How did you seek help and ultimately escape the situation? Hungani : It took me some time to recognise that what I went through was domestic violence. I think it was a gradual realisation as I reflected on the relationship and spoke to others about my experiences. It became clear that the abuse I endured fell under the category of domestic violence. As for seeking help, initially, I didn't reach out to anyone. I carried the burden on my own and tried to deal with it internally. It wasn't until much later that I started opening up to close friends and family members about what had happened. Their support and encouragement played a significant role in my healing process.
Hungani and his daughter Rhulani Lynana
The full interview is available on our YouTube channel @collectiveactionmagazine (link: https://youtu.be/tR1TkRg4UPM)
Scan the QR code to watch video
18
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
TRACING THE ROOTS OF GBV IN SOUTH AFRICA
By Ruth Nombuso Zuma University of Witwatersrand (PDRF-FALF) School of Public Health
“The common occurrence of GBV in South Africa is largely due to the formal systems of social inequality, racism, and patriarchy that ruled the colonial and apartheid periods and whose legacies continue today.” Burris and Ottawa 2022
GBV experienced in all facets of life is a knock- on effect of the reality that South Africa is a violence-prone country. The abuses and brutal killings of women, girls, and LGBTQI+ community members in homes, workplaces, places of worship, entertainment areas, and learning institutions attest to the notions of South Africa as an unsafe country. Older people and people with disabilities are no exception to these experiences as media coverage reports reveal cases of old women raped and sometimes killed in their homes. While GBV affects global communities, research (Burris and Ottawa 2022) demonstrates that South Africa bears the highest prevalence where one in every three women and girls have experienced some form of GBV. Furthermore, research (Ibid) reveals that GBV disproportionately affects women and girls. Men’s violence against women remains a pervasive feature of life in every country in the world (Peacock and Barker 2014). The upsurge in killings of women and young girls is worrisome; as such, South Africa has become an unsafe place for its people.
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
19
“Unfortunately, post the colonial and apartheid eras, no rehabilitation measures were taken to recover and restore both the attitude and the minds of people. The psycho-social state of the people still suffers the effects of violent acts to this day and as such, they have normalised violence…”
People live in fear and feel unsafe as frequent violent acts and random killings take a toll. South Africa is ranked amongst the most violent countries in the world incurring far-reaching effects on its entire population. It is imperative, therefore, to trace the sources of violence to understand the current state and the need to make inferences to these past violations for the future state of South Africa to be free therefrom. South Africa is a country that has, largely, been exposed to violence in different forms at different stages of its timeline. The common occurrence of GBV in South Africa is, predominantly, due to the formal systems of social inequality, racism, and patriarchy that ruled the colonial and apartheid periods and whose legacies continue today (Burris and Ottawa 2022). GBV occurs because of normative role expectations and unequal power relationships between genders in a society (Safer Spaces). The power imbalance and the intention to humiliate and subordinate characterizes the elements of gender-based violence. The same elements formed the fundamental basis of the colonial and apartheid eras in South Africa. It is mainly during these eras that violent behaviour was entrenched and normalized to enforce authority. Violence became a common factor for both the perpetrators and the victims. Unfortunately, post the colonial and apartheid eras, no rehabilitation measures were taken to recover and restore both the attitudes and the minds of people. The psycho-social state of the people still suffers the effects of violent acts to this day and, as such, they have normalized violence as though it is an unavoidable part of their lives. Historically women suffered from exclusion and had no voice to participate in the public space. They occupied a secondary position in society, secluded in the private space of the home. The power dynamics in the private space have relegated women’s voices to a subordinate position, which may presumably be identified as the normalization of pain in contemporary discourse.
This silencing of women’s experiences ensures that women’s suffering and harassment are kept to themselves as a private matter. While this attitude in women may be an indication of a psychological deficit that needs to be addressed, it also elucidates why a considerable number of GBV cases remain unreported. Research has proven beyond a doubt that GBV affects women and girls more than it affects their male counterparts. Besides, evidence of femicide cases that range from rape, kidnapping, serial killings, and intimate partner violence to suicide cases, amongst others, indicate the prevalence of GBV. The general message that these experiences of violence inflict on women is fear and hegemony. It is a demonstration of men’s power and women’s subordination so that authority remains a man’s sphere of influence. Our history of violence bears testimony to the violence that is directed at women today. It evokes what Smith (2005) refers to as astonishing depths of alienation and anger that women experienced in their encounters with oppression, rape, harassment, sexism, violence, and others. There is thus a compelling need to explicitly uncover the past events in the context of South Africa and find out how it correlates with the current state of violence. The uprooting process should partly involve the acknowledgement and acceptance of women in the public domain and the realisation that in the process of hurting others, men became victims who are also in need of rehabilitation programs when we envisage a country that is free of violence. Unveiling the past can be of benefit to the intervention strategies that aim to address the scourge of GBV that is escalating at an alarming rate in South Africa. Focusing mainly on helping victims and neglecting the dire need to cure the perpetrators bears worse implications for the state of South Africa’s fight against the GBV pandemic.
20
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
Life sometimes presents us with experiences and challenges to help us grow and understand, not only for ourselves but also to pave the way for future generations INTERVIEW WITH NATALIE ABRAHAMS Founder of I-Matter NPC
WHEN PURPOSE CALLS
I BROKE MY CYCLE NOW I DO IT FOR MY COMMUNITY with Natalie about her new journey in the GBV space and the work she is doing. Collective Action Magazine has a heart-to-heart talk
In this edition, we celebrate Natalie Abrahams, the founder of I Matter Foundation (a Non-Profit Organisation), a woman on the frontier who has embraced and braved the turbulent and so often murky waters of GBVF community development work. Driven by purpose and burdened by a concern for her community and the next generation, Natalie decided to fully immerse herself in this work. She officially launched the foundation, located in Eden Park, in the south of Johannesburg, on the 3rd of February 2023. She has fully dedicated her time, knowledge, and resources to rebuilding her community by addressing social ills and providing a space for GBV awareness, support, and prevention.
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
22
THE INTERVIEW
CAM: Natalie, I've heard that you left a full- time job and started a new centre. Could you tell us a bit about yourself and this new venture you've embarked on? Natalie : Sure. I'm Natalie Abrahams, a survivor of gender-based violence, and I'm a mother, wife, and grandmother. The reason I started this centre and got involved in the GBV space is that when I was going through it back in the late 90s, I was constantly told that this type of behaviour is normal and that my partner would eventually change. I would hear it from aunts and others in the community who would say things like, "That's what I go through, and you don't see me reacting like that." But I knew deep down that it wasn't right. My mother was never a victim, and I didn't see why such behaviour should be accepted. At first, it was a challenge in my marriage because my husband didn't understand why I needed to constantly talk about my past. But eventually, he started supporting me, and together we began speaking to couples. That's when we started the I-Matter centre. We provide support and care to everyone affected by GBV, including victims, survivors, and their families. Personally, I have a soft spot for children, and I also believe in reconciliation. We are fortunate that many of the women and families we work with do find reconciliation, although it's not always possible. Sometimes there are fatalities, and sometimes people decide that the abuser won't change, and they choose to walk away.
Station Commander SAPS Eden Park and CEO of DA Champion Security
Estelle from House of Aker Besonia with Tracey Kotzen CEO of Mental Wellness Initiative
Apostle Drummond and Pastor Sandra
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
23
I remember many times people would say to me, even though I didn't have black eyes, that I should just love beyond the bruises. I had bruises on the sides of my body and arms, and there were instances where my jaw was so swollen that I couldn't eat. It felt like he knew exactly where to hit me. It troubled me, and I became curious to know if others had similar experiences, So, I started sharing my story at church, with youth groups, friends, family, and other women. This eventually led to the creation of my organisation. Now, I am a published author and I aim to encourage women to leave abusive situations while they still can because I have also witnessed that many women don't survive. CAM: it's clear that your story connects to the work you do and fuels your passion. You mentioned how GBV is still brushed under the carpet and normalised. At what point did you decide to leave your abusive relationship? What triggered that decision for you, considering many women find it extremely difficult to leave. Natalie : It happened on Christmas day, We were having lunch, and I looked at him and realised that this was the same man who had beaten me just three nights prior. I had a sudden realisation that this would be my life, where I would be beaten in secret and then expected to serve him in public. It was a moment of internal struggle for me. I kept asking myself, "Is this going to be your life?" I started thinking about the role models in my life and wondered if they also experienced the same. That moment made me recognise that some people's behaviour indicated that they were silent victims. I made the decision right then and there that I would not be silenced.
CAM: You mentioned that you're a survivor of gender-based violence. Was this in a previous relationship or your current one? And could you tell us a bit about the type of violence you were exposed to? Natalie : Yes, it was in a previous relationship. I experienced physical abuse from my then- boyfriend who was also unfaithful. Every time I confronted him, he would physically assault me. I still have scars on my face as a result. He would make sure to leave a mark every time, whether it was from having to jump out of a moving vehicle or him scratching my face deeply. I don't know why I kept forgiving him. We had a son together and people would always say he would change and outgrow his behaviour, but he never did. Eventually, I walked away. In families where GBV is not prevalent, there is often a culture of silence and downplaying the issue. People would tell me to keep it quiet and handle it privately. However, at that time, I felt the need to let others know. If there was another woman who might become involved with him, she needed to be aware of what she was getting into. I also felt that there wasn't enough support for me as a victim at that time. There weren't many platforms available like there are now. Nowadays, we are fortunate to have groups that reach out and provide support. But back in the late 90s, it was a topic kept under the carpet, not openly discussed. You would only find out that a woman was affected by GBV when she mustered the courage to share her story. I wanted to change that. I wanted my voice to be heard and raise awareness that GBV can affect anyone. Through my own experience, I realised that many women stay silent because their families, support systems, and communities encourage them to do so. They are told to be strong and move past the moment.
24
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
It took a decision to change my life!
CAM: Let's talk about your healing journey. After leaving your abusive relationship, how did you navigate the difficult process of healing?
Natalie : Firstly, I lost most of my friends because we had many mutual friends. So, my recovery was a very lonely experience. Although people had promised to support me when I had the courage to leave, very few stood by my side. My healing journey involved being a single mother for over a year. In the late '90s, counseling and trauma counseling weren't as popular, so I had to rely on self-healing. I read books, prayed, meditated, and enrolled in a course to keep my mind occupied. Since my friends became his and his new partner's friends, I mainly spent time with my sisters and my son. Later, I reconnected with one friend, and she became my companion. It was a very lonely period. There were moments of regret, especially when I realised I wasn't being invited to events anymore and was being excluded. My parents and cousins were there for me, so even though I often felt alone, I always had my family. I could turn to them, pray, and pour out my heart to the Lord. The healing journey takes time, and even after moving on with your life, there can still be triggers and old traumas resurfacing. It takes a while to fully mature and learn how to deal with past trauma. The most important thing to remember is that healing is a journey, not a destination. Even after 10, 20, or 26 years like in my case, there may still be moments of gratitude and reflection. Speaking about it now, I still feel a sense of gratitude because if I had stayed, things could have been much worse. Although he didn't kill me, I believe that if I had remained in that relationship, he could have inflicted even more harm. I could have ended up in a much worse situation. It truly is a personal journey for everyone, and I can't tell others how to heal. What I can say is that it's not easy. There will be difficult days when you question yourself and feel regret. But I constantly remind myself why I left. I remind myself that this person didn't value me the way I value myself. They didn't respect me or treat me with the love and care I deserve.
I had bought him a chain as a Christmas gift, and I stood up, took the chain off his neck, and told him that I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. For me, it was the realization that the hands that once hugged, embraced and cared for me were the same hands that harmed and hurt me. I knew that staying in the relationship meant living a double life, and people would never believe me when I told them about the abuse. Perpetrators, especially charming men, can deceive others with their appearance, mannerisms, and eloquent speech. When you try to explain what you've been through, people think you're crazy because they see the perpetrator as a calm and collected individual. As I was leaving his mother said, "you better get yourself a better man because my son is who he is". I am now happily married for 24 years. If there's a woman out there living a false image, I hope she finds the courage to leave her marriage or relationship. From what I've seen unless someone genuinely wants to change and tries to do so, they won't change. People will treat us the way we allow them to treat us. This brings me to my current marriage where I speak up and am assertive.
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
25
CAM: Many people carry a lot of trauma, but it's often difficult for them to find a safe space. It seems like you're creating that safe space in your centre. Can you tell us more about your foundation? Natalie : At our centre, we offer support and care services, as well as referrals for individuals who need to escape their current situations and find a safe place. When someone seeks our support, we assess the specific issues they are facing. Usually, the victim is the one who initially reaches out to us, and we offer them a tailored coaching package designed for trauma survivors. We provide one-on-one coaching sessions to help them navigate their trauma. Each case is unique. Some victims require relocation from their homes, and we assist them in finding a new place to stay. Others can remain in their homes but may need time apart from their partners before considering reconciliation. In some cases, the victims choose not to reconcile and need assistance in finding work or developing entrepreneurial skills to become financially independent. This year, we have witnessed great success stories of women starting baking or sewing businesses and quickly becoming independent from their partners. Additionally, we collaborate with other organisations like the Mental Wellness Initiative, Heartlines, and Faith in Action. Currently, we don't have our own premises, but I'm hopeful we will secure one soon. Despite not having a dedicated space, our reputation has spread, and the demand for our services is increasing every day. It saddens me to say that in about 90% of our cases, there is an absent father figure, either on the side of the perpetrator or the victim. If we can start healing men and boys, we will make a more significant impact in our communities.
CAM: Now, entering into your second marriage, how did you address and process your past trauma? Natalie : Both my husband and I had experienced failed relationships before. We were upfront about our expectations and got married within the same year we started dating. Initially, everything seemed smooth, but the trauma and triggers surfaced later. We both realised that we had unresolved trauma in our marriage. In fact, just yesterday, I was telling someone that we've been married for 24 years now, but we regularly attend counselling and marriage seminars. We invest in resources to maintain a healthy marriage and watch movies that help us navigate anger and other issues. We engage in conversations about personal growth and change. We are constantly working on ourselves to show up as better partners for each other. This commitment to reconstruction and constant communication is what strengthens our relationship. Trauma doesn't simply disappear over time; it can resurface unexpectedly. In 2021, I witnessed my husband's struggle when he attempted suicide, and we almost lost him. We were in a good place overall, excelling in various aspects of our lives, but the lockdown and the isolation of working from home brought up past trauma that he thought he had dealt with and moved on from. It led him to a dark place where he felt unworthy of love and believed that few people would miss him if he were gone. So, we embarked on a new healing process together. It was a different experience because we had to navigate how to handle such deep despair when everything seemed to be going well. We have been dealing with this for the past two years, and it has strengthened our focus on mental wellness, behaviour, and addressing our own trauma. It has become a significant part of our journey.
“The NPO will concentrate on programmes that promote deeper conversations to deal with unresolved trauma. We believe that many social ills are the result of unresolved childhood and adulthood trauma, which can be absent fatherhood, single parents, traumatic divorce or loss of income, poverty, GBV, sexual offences, a dreaded disease, or someone who believes that they do not fit in. As a result, they resort to being withdrawn, purely just existing and become abusive or addicts of drugs, alcohol, or porn,” – Alberton Record
26
Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30 Page 31 Page 32 Page 33 Page 34 Page 35 Page 36 Page 37 Page 38 Page 39 Page 40 Page 41 Page 42 Page 43 Page 44 Page 45 Page 46 Page 47 Page 48 Page 49 Page 50 Page 51 Page 52 Page 53 Page 54 Page 55 Page 56 Page 57 Page 58 Page 59 Page 60 Page 61 Page 62 Page 63 Page 64 Page 65 Page 66 Page 67 Page 68 Page 69 Page 70 Page 71 Page 72 Page 73 Page 74 Page 75 Page 76 Page 77 Page 78 Page 79 Page 80 Page 81 Page 82 Page 83 Page 84 Page 85 Page 86 Page 87 Page 88 Page 89 Page 90 Page 91 Page 92 Page 93 Page 94 Page 95 Page 96 Page 97 Page 98 Page 99 Page 100 Page 101 Page 102 Page 103 Page 104 Page 105 Page 106 Page 107 Page 108 Page 109 Page 110 Page 111 Page 112 Page 113 Page 114 Page 115 Page 116 Page 117 Page 118 Page 119 Page 120 Page 121 Page 122 Page 123 Page 124 Page 125 Page 126 Page 127 Page 128 Page 129 Page 130Made with FlippingBook - PDF hosting