Hungani : I didn't raise anything with my parents because they were in Limpopo. My sister lived 30 minutes away from the school, but it still felt like I was placed there to become a strong young man, embodying the qualities that the school emphasized, qualities like power, courage, bravery, and other aspects of masculinity. In my first month at the school, I experienced bullying, and I decided to seek help from the school psychologist. I shared the details of the bullying, like how someone would ask me to warm up the toilet seat by sitting on it before they used it or how I was asked to clean up after someone when they finished using the bathroom. All of this was considered part of the initiation process, but if you think about it, it was absurd. It felt like we were in prison. By the end of that school day, everyone I had mentioned to the psychologist knew that I had spoken about them. The concept of patient-doctor confidentiality was completely disregarded, and being labelled a snitch made my experience even more challenging. I learned that to fit into this world, I had to keep quiet, endure the hardships, and eventually make it to the other side. That's why, when I was in a senior position, I retaliated. I had been waiting for three years for that moment, and I wanted to utilize it the way I had been taught within that environment. Some examples of the initiation included absurd tasks like making two-minute noodles in exactly two minutes, which is scientifically impossible since even the kettle takes longer to boil. If I couldn't meet these expectations, I would be hit with a cricket bat. The list of examples goes on, and we've seen similar stories in news articles from other schools. It's not uncommon, but not everyone is equipped to handle these experiences. Some guys might say that without those experiences, they wouldn't be who they are today. Technically, it's the same for me, but at the time, I didn't glorify that experience. I was afraid. CAM: On the topic of bullying, for parents with male children or children in school, could you talk about some examples of initiation? What were some types of bullying you experienced, and did you raise any red flags with your parents?
I went to bed with one eye open, never knowing if someone would attack me while I slept using a pillowcase filled with school shoes. It was a constant state of stress, and we all know that prolonged stress is unhealthy, leading to various physical and psychological issues due to chemical releases and hormonal imbalances. It was not a pleasant experience. Moving on to my relationship, it started off beautiful, like any other relationship. We were happy and in love. However, as we spent more time together and became more transparent, we discovered certain things about each other that didn't align with our expectations. We had different ways of living life due to cultural differences—she was from Slovenia, and I was from South Africa. Additionally, the age difference played a role as well, with her being six or seven years older than me, which may have skewed the power dynamic because there are many factors that didn't add up. I found myself in a position where she used sex as a condition for our relationship. As a young man, I wanted to be in a relationship with her, so I went along with it, even though I wanted to save myself for marriage. There were many different factors that eventually led to the relationship turning physical. It started with small things, but only after leaving the relationship did I realise that it began with psychological abuse. Everything I did was criticised and controlled.
14
June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine Collective Action Magazine
Made with FlippingBook - PDF hosting