I remember many times people would say to me, even though I didn't have black eyes, that I should just love beyond the bruises. I had bruises on the sides of my body and arms, and there were instances where my jaw was so swollen that I couldn't eat. It felt like he knew exactly where to hit me. It troubled me, and I became curious to know if others had similar experiences, So, I started sharing my story at church, with youth groups, friends, family, and other women. This eventually led to the creation of my organisation. Now, I am a published author and I aim to encourage women to leave abusive situations while they still can because I have also witnessed that many women don't survive. CAM: it's clear that your story connects to the work you do and fuels your passion. You mentioned how GBV is still brushed under the carpet and normalised. At what point did you decide to leave your abusive relationship? What triggered that decision for you, considering many women find it extremely difficult to leave. Natalie : It happened on Christmas day, We were having lunch, and I looked at him and realised that this was the same man who had beaten me just three nights prior. I had a sudden realisation that this would be my life, where I would be beaten in secret and then expected to serve him in public. It was a moment of internal struggle for me. I kept asking myself, "Is this going to be your life?" I started thinking about the role models in my life and wondered if they also experienced the same. That moment made me recognise that some people's behaviour indicated that they were silent victims. I made the decision right then and there that I would not be silenced.
CAM: You mentioned that you're a survivor of gender-based violence. Was this in a previous relationship or your current one? And could you tell us a bit about the type of violence you were exposed to? Natalie : Yes, it was in a previous relationship. I experienced physical abuse from my then- boyfriend who was also unfaithful. Every time I confronted him, he would physically assault me. I still have scars on my face as a result. He would make sure to leave a mark every time, whether it was from having to jump out of a moving vehicle or him scratching my face deeply. I don't know why I kept forgiving him. We had a son together and people would always say he would change and outgrow his behaviour, but he never did. Eventually, I walked away. In families where GBV is not prevalent, there is often a culture of silence and downplaying the issue. People would tell me to keep it quiet and handle it privately. However, at that time, I felt the need to let others know. If there was another woman who might become involved with him, she needed to be aware of what she was getting into. I also felt that there wasn't enough support for me as a victim at that time. There weren't many platforms available like there are now. Nowadays, we are fortunate to have groups that reach out and provide support. But back in the late 90s, it was a topic kept under the carpet, not openly discussed. You would only find out that a woman was affected by GBV when she mustered the courage to share her story. I wanted to change that. I wanted my voice to be heard and raise awareness that GBV can affect anyone. Through my own experience, I realised that many women stay silent because their families, support systems, and communities encourage them to do so. They are told to be strong and move past the moment.
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June 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
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