“The thing about this “shadow work” is that I can never go back to who I was before I confronted this “shadow”. I can never go back to that shadow dynamic
I told my family about the abuse, but they laughed about it at family gatherings, because really, it was my word against his. How do I even start breaking this? I don’t even want my children to go and visit, what if it happens them?
What if it steals their innocence like he did mine?
When you look at me, you will probably think I am well put together, deep down, you have no idea how wounded I am. My dad does not even know till this day. Where do I start? I ask myself where he was. I ask myself why did he divorce my mum? Maybe if they were still together, he would have protected me. Maybe if my mum wasn’t working long hours, she would have protected me.
I am expected to get by!
Had it not been for the counselor at school, I would have been long gone, it would have been better that way. Now I get to see the beauty of life and the experiences I have had and being in spaces where you can talk and just be embraced. It took years to just accept myself for the person I am because for a long time I was the black sheep of the family. I was afraid to be alone, they always say your demons come out when you are alone and they can really put you down, they will bury you alive. For years I have wrestled them. My “message to the living” is... “don’t be afraid to be alone, don’t be afraid to face your shadows”.
that told me, I was unloved, unhealed, and unwanted.” ~Valisa Griffin~
Thank you for the space.
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