T he other day, a sweet mom messaged me and asked if I had any suggestions on how she could cope with missing her newly flown child. I know she’s not alone in wondering this. This is SO HARD. What do we do? How are we supposed to feel? How do we get through this? Will this ache ever ease up a little (notice I did not say go away)? This is what I told her…and what I’m telling myself a lot these days as I’m fiercely missing my own away-from-home big kids. First of all, give yourself lots of grace and time to adjust to this huge change. You’ve had so many years one way with your child; it is natural and right to take time to adjust to a new way. It honors what you’ve had…and loved. If what you’re feeling seems like loss, that’s because it is. You’re feeling the loss of the way things have been. It’s entirely natural — necessary, even — to mourn the departure of a person from the places we’re used to seeing them, from their physical presence in our daily lives. Don’t expect yourself to know how to do something you’ve never done before. Even if you’ve already sent a child out into the world, you haven’t sent THIS child out….or, if you have, you haven’t sent them out at this exact time. Find yourself some supporters…the kind who won’t “at least” or “it will be okay” you out of what you’re feeling. This life-without- your-big-kid business is a tender time, and you’re going to need some people willing to sit with you in that tenderness rather than trying to rush you out of it.
THE PAINS OF SUCCESSFUL PARENTING Coping with life without your big kid!
Don’t expect yourself to know how to do something you’ve never done before.
by Elizabeth Spencer
84 SPOTLIGHT ON BUSINESS MAGAZINE • VOL 25 ISSUE 5
HEALTH & WELLNESS • SPOTLIGHT ON BUSINESS MAGAZINE 85
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