How to Be a Purposeful Parent In Forks We Trust We all develop routines to maximize our efficiency. It’s a mental trick that makes our lives easier. However, if you’re not careful, you can find yourself simply going through the motions rather than being present in the moment — even in our role as parents.
How Europe Eventually Stopped Eating With Their Hands If you attend a dinner party, go on a date at a restaurant, or eat a plate of pasta, you’ll use a fork without thinking twice. This is proper etiquette — and the cleanest and most efficient way to eat a meal! Could you imagine trying to eat a plate of spaghetti and meatballs without one? Wealthy people in other parts of the world, such as the Byzantine Empire and the Middle East, have been using forks since the 17th century. However, before that, forks were considered to be sacrilegious and rude to use at the dinner table in Europe! In fact, in the 11th century, a Byzantine princess was ridiculed for bringing forks into her new husband’s home. Maria Argyropoulina, the Greek niece of Emperor Basil II of Byzantium, arrived in Venice, Italy, prepared to marry Giovanni, the son of Pietro Orseolo II, the Doge of Venice. She brought all of her belongings with her to move into her new house, including a case of golden forks. At the wedding, she pulled out one of her golden forks to partake in her wedding feast, and the reaction she got took her by surprise. The clergy lambasted her, saying things like, “God in his wisdom has provided man with natural forks — his fingers. Therefore, it is an insult to him to substitute artificial metal forks for them when eating.” However, this didn’t urge the princess to eat with her hands, and she stuck with her forks. Shortly after the marriage, the Byzantine princess, unfortunately, contracted the plague and passed away. Many believed this was “karma” for refusing to eat with her hands and bringing a fork to her husband’s home. But thanks to Maria Argyropoulina, Europe was introduced to the fork and never had to worry about eating spaghetti and meatballs — or any other dish — with their hands again.
Every parent wants to do the best for their children, but they don’t always know where to start. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources has declared July Purposeful Parenting Month to encourage more engagement between parents and children. It begins by taking a step back and assessing our current behaviors. Many of our parenting choices are automatic; we do what our parents did or what we’ve seen friends do. Too often, we don’t stop to think about the overall impact of our actions. Are your strategies getting you closer to the relationship you want with your child? One of the pillars of purposeful parenting is starting with a goal for your children and working backward. This goal isn’t about convincing your child to become a doctor but about your broader hopes and dreams. What kind of values do you want your child to learn? What behaviors will make you feel proud to have raised them? Whether you value honesty, kindness, generosity, determination, or something else, your parenting should focus on imparting those values and lessons to your child. Purposeful parents are also curious. Rather than assuming how their children feel or jumping to punishment, they seek to understand their kids better. Of course, your children’s behavior should still have consequences. But discussions are generally much more fruitful than lectures. Anger is even less productive. Instead, empathy will bring you and your child closer together, even when you disagree. Presence is just as essential, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Put down the phone, stop doing chores, and make time for real conversations. When you give in to distractions or prioritize your to-do list, you miss precious moments and chances to connect. Finally, children value consistency. We all slip up, but failing to enforce rules or define clear expectations confuses kids. Further, it’s not healthy when kids cannot predict whether their parent is more likely to console them or start yelling. Purposeful parenting builds trust and, in the process, provides the stability your children need to flourish.
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