The 8 Realities of Life "sneak peek"

Learn how to create a life you love and enjoy consistently. Whether you want to make a small tweak to some area of your life, or make more significant changes, The 8 Realities of Life will help you experience something better in your life, work, and relationships! Think better. Feel better. Experience better.

The 8 of Life

Realities

How to create a life you love and enjoy consistently Michelle MacGregor

The 8 of Life Realities

How to create a life you love and enjoy consistently

Michelle MacGregor, M.A.

Life & Mindset Coach

No portion of this book or its parts may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form by any means including electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of the author, Michelle MacGregor.

For permissions contact michelle@measuredlives.com.

Book Cover by CoverdesignAI

First edition 2024

You have purchased this workbook for the use of a single reader. It is not to be shared with others. If you know others who would benefit from the content here, please direct them to the Products and Services page at at www.measuredlives.com.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Creating the life you love and enjoy consistently

Reality #8: Challenging Change

Fitting the Realities Together

Your Strong Start

Reality #1: Personal Responsibility

Examining the Paradigm

Reality #2: Appropriate Control

Some Things To Consider For You

Reality #3: Managed Expectations

100

Your Measured Life

Reality #4: Healthy Boundaries

102

Your Next Steps

104 A Little About Me

Reality #5: The Running Sequence

The Great 8!™ Story 105

Reality #6: Confirmation Bias

Reality #7: Cognitive Dissonance

A Big, Big Goal and A Serious Invitation

108

Welcome!

I am so glad you’re here. I have anticipated this moment for a long time; the moment you got your hands on this workbook.

What I already know about you is, you are ready to explore your own life and create something even better than what you are experiencing now.

You may not even know what that is yet, but you will soon! And you’ll be so thankful you took the time to discover what is possible for you. It is beyond all you can ask or imagine.

Do you believe it?

I hope you answered, “Yes!”

If you answered, “I want to,” that will serve you well too. Knowing what we want is the right place to start on the journey to get there.

If you answered, “We’ll see…” you can hang on to the hope I’m holding for you until you are ready to call it your own and believe all things are possible for you.

You made a great commitment to yourself by deciding to explore what is possible and do what it takes to create the life you want.

You have every reason to expect amazing things to happen and see real transformation in your life.

There’s a beautiful mix of faith, hope, and confident certainty available to you right now.

You are going to learn what you need to make changes you want, so any area of your life gets better.

I am looking forward to spending this time together and I believe great things are ahead for you. I help people learn and apply these concepts and tools every day. If at any time you have a question or a need, reach out to me. I am right here.

It’s good to be with you!

Enjoy your journey, Michelle

As you navigate your flipbook:

A Q in the margin:

As you read through your book, these are some questions to pause and think about. The more you take time to reflect on these questions for yourself, the greater impact what you’re reading will have in your life, work, and relationships.

A thought spot:

When you turn to a page with one or more Q s in the margin, click on this spot in the lower right corner. A Google form will pop up for you if you want to record answers to the questions on that page.

Some Things to Consider:

At the end of each Reality are questions for you to consider and apply what you learned. You might want to write out your reflections in a notebook or journal, but if you’d like to write your answers out digitally, click here for a Google form. Getting all your important thoughts out is good!

The Notes feature in your book:

Whenever you want to record your thoughts, click the Notes icon and drag it anywhere on the page. The icon is at both the bottom and the upper right corner of your book. Your thoughts will be right there when you come back to them. Taking time to reflect will help you apply what you’re learning even better.

Creating the Life You Love and Enjoy Consistently

We can always create something better for ourselves. We can examine our lives and decide to tweak or even overhaul any area we want. What areas of your life do you wish were different? There’s always a reason we do what we do. Do you ever wonder why you do what you do? Do you reflect on your life with curiosity and ask yourself, “Why do I even do that?” Many people practice some self-reflection. Do you reflect on your life and ask yourself, “How did I get here?” and then consider whether you might want something else? More? Different? Better? When we examine our own lives and consider making changes or creating something new, we can feel stuck, not knowing how to make the changes we want. I can help you. I think there are certain realities of life for all of us to know and understand so we can take control of our lives and make lasting changes to live the life we long for. The one we dare to dream about. Do you have that one in mind? The dream life? Do you even let yourself “go there?” Some people don’t. But you’ve got this workbook. You are ready for something else. More. Different. Better. I want to share one very important thing and ask you to keep this in mind as you do this work. It’s a guiding paradigm I’ve held for years. I came up with it during my masters program when our internship advisor asked us each to write our paradigm for how we believe people heal and transform their lives.

Since then, I’ve held to the truth of it. It keeps me clear and focused on what I want and how to get there. It will help you do the same.

My paradigm that I offer you:

“As we discover and believe the truth about who we are and understand the design and purpose of our lives, our experience becomes the life we desire.”

Think about that for a moment. Reread it if you need to. What does that mean to you? We’ll come back to it later. It is important.

There are certain realities of life I believe to be true and worthy of our consideration. When we understand and apply them, we can experience greater levels of freedom, satisfaction, productivity, and impact.

As we put these realities together to build a practical foundation for our lives, we see how they work together to help us create our desired life.

Here's what happens when we do:

We are mentally, emotionally, and relationally healthy . Our self-confidence increases. Our emotional well-being is steady and consistent.

Our sense of purpose is clear. We have more control , not less. Our relationships are more satisfying and enjoyable , even the challenging ones.

We are productive and get more done in our lives. We are impactful, making a difference in others’ lives.

We make more significant contributions to the world around us. We experience life, work, and relationships the way we are meant to .

Do you want that? I do!

As you work through these lessons, you will learn how to explore the root causes of what is going on so you can create a healthy mind for a healthy life. As we transform our mind, we create healthy thinking, healthy feeling, healthy behaving, and healthy living. This workbook is a journey for you. Some of these realities you already know. Some may be new. Either way, learn and apply them at the deepest levels of who you are. Incorporate them into your daily life and watch your life be transformed. Go through the workbook over and over. Each time, you will likely discover new things that help you build the life you’ve always wanted. There’s always more. There’s always a better you to grow into.

Some Things to Consider At the end of each Reality section, there are questions for you to consider. This reflective piece is just as important as the content before it, perhaps more. We can consume lots of interesting information and acquire knowledge about a number of topics, but without intentional effort to consider and apply it, its impact on our lives is limited. The regular practice of reflection is critical to create a life we love and enjoy consistently. I think most of us want that. A practice of regular examination of our lives helps us achieve it.

If this isn’t your practice already, I want to help you learn how to:

1) Examine your life. 2) Create your life. 3) Enjoy your life.

And repeat as needed.

As you begin your journey, consider these questions:

What are you expecting from this process?

What might be your greatest challenges as you work through this material?

When you finish this workbook, what will your life look like?

Ready? Let’s get started!

THE 8 REALITIES OF LIFE 1 PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY 5

THE RUNNING SEQUENCE

APPROPRIATE CONTROL

CONFIRMATION BIAS

MANAGED EXPECTATIONS

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

CHALLENGING CHANGE

1 R E A L I T Y PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY #

-5-

REALITY #1 - PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY We are responsible FOR ourselves and responsible TO others.

This is the first and most important reality you will return to often to get yourself grounded. Taking personal responsibility where you should, and letting go of it where you need to, is a game-changer in life.

Reality #1: You are only responsible for YOU. You are never responsible FOR others. You are only responsible TO others.

This means others are responsible for themselves, and others are never responsible for you.

In every area of our lives (there are eight), we each have our own responsibility.

You have your eight. Everyone else has their eight.

Your eight areas of personal responsibility include physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relational, recreational, professional, and financial.

What is the difference between responsible for and responsible to?

Responsibility: What responsibility FOR looks like I am responsible FOR my own:

Thoughts Emotions Behavior Judgments

Strengths Weaknesses Reactions Words Choices/Decisions Time Stress Problems Desires Emotional Health Professional Health

Self-Care Self-Respect Boundaries Habits Goals Personal Growth Education Values Spiritual Health Financial Health Recreational Health

Expectations Perspective Attitude Mood Physical Health Relational Health Mental Health

My responsibility includes what I think, how I feel, what I say, and what I do.

We are not responsible FOR others. We each have our own lives to manage.

When we do not understand Reality #1, a couple of things can happen:

1) We can avoid responsibility for what we ARE meant to take responsibility for ...our thoughts, feelings, behavior, and the results we create for ourselves.

Those are always ours to own and take responsibility for.

Reality Tip: Careful, blame lives here. Sometimes, we like to shift responsibility to others and away from self. When we blame others or our circumstances for something that is our responsibility, we move ourselves into a victim position. This steals our success and keeps us from creating and living the life we desire.

2) We can take responsibility for things that are NOT ours to take responsibility for ...other people's thoughts, feelings, behavior, and the results they create for themselves.

Those are never ours to own or be responsible for.

Reality Tip: Careful, inappropriate control lives here. Sometimes, we like to take on the responsibilities of others; that’s control and it’s not ours to take. That includes trying to “make” other people happy. It also includes trying to create an outcome we prefer. Sounds innocent. It’s actually control. More on that in Reality #2.

Responsibility: What responsibility TO looks like

Being responsible TO others requires taking responsibility FOR myself first. I take responsibility for myself and decide how I will live my life in relationship with others.

Being responsible TO others includes loving, caring for, and respecting them. I decide how I will treat and relate to others according to what is important to me.

Reality Tip: Careful resentment and other complex emotions can develop here. How I treat others is not dependent on their behavior. I can be kind, loving, and respectful if that is important to me AND communicate what I need to in order to prevent my own feelings of resentment.

Responsible for me. Responsible to others.

I am responsible to my family… to show them love, kindness, and respect because that is important to me and it’s what they deserve from me. I am responsible to my children (if I am a parent)… to care for, respect, and parent them well because I am committed to raising my family. Parents: There are many outcomes you cannot control with your children. Though you want to, you cannot control your kids' thoughts, feelings, or behavior. Though you want to teach, love, and protect them, there are limits to the control you have over their experiences. Because our children are separate from us and outside of what we can control, learning how we are responsible to them, not for them, helps us teach, love, and care for them best. We will discuss more about what we control in Reality #2. I am responsible to my friends… to be a good friend, deciding what that looks like for me and each of them. Relationships are determined by the people in them. You will decide what that is and be responsible FOR you and TO them. I am responsible to my neighbor… to treat them with respect and care because they deserve it as a human being and a fellow community member.

I am responsible to my employer… to show up on time because that is what is required to keep my job and to complete my work the way I’m asked to. I am responsible to my clients/customers… to serve them well according to what I told them to expect from me as a business or service provider. I am responsible to the people I make appointments with… to meet at a specific time and show up prepared to do my part because I said I would.

I am responsible to my creditors… to pay what I owe because I agreed to the repayment terms.

I am responsible to the local/state/federal government… to live by the established laws or experience the consequences of not complying with them because I chose to live where I do. Being responsible TO is to show up the way I want or need to because it’s important to me or because I said I would. I take responsibility FOR myself and I stay responsible TO others.

Responsibility: What we do, what they do

We show up for others in relationships, but we do not do for them what only they can or should do for themselves.

Remember the “I am responsible FOR my own” box above? We let others take responsibility for their own things.

We do not take responsibility for what is in someone else’s box. And we do not give away responsibility for what is in ours.

Reality Tip: Careful, people pleasing can live here. Sometimes, we like to take responsibility for others’ feelings or behavior so they will be happy, like us, do something for us, or not do something to us. People pleasing is different than loving-kindness. That’s for another book in our collection.

We provide love, kindness, and support to others , but we do not do for them what they are responsible for. They do those things.

We receive love, kindness, and support from others , but we do not ask them to do what we are responsible for. We do those things.

Our responsibility is to encourage, confront, empower, support, or do things that help others fulfill their responsibility without doing it for them.

Their responsibility is to encourage, confront, empower, support, or do things that help us fulfill our responsibility without letting them do it for us.

The Backpack vs. The Boulder

There are backpacks and boulders.

A backpack is something each individual is responsible to carry on his or her own. Our backpacks are full of personal responsibilities we manage ourselves.

A boulder is something we cannot move on our own, so we ask others for help with it, for a season. Some life circumstances are too difficult or impossible to handle so relying on others, for a limited time, becomes necessary. Think of a boulder as too heavy to lift by ourselves, so we seek others to help us move it. Each of us needs help sometimes, and that’s ok. We allow others to carry their backpacks. We ask others for help to move our boulders. If we carry others’ backpacks for them, we interrupt their growth and development. If we don’t ask others for help with our boulders, we struggle unnecessarily. Taking care of ourselves and loving others well comes from knowing the difference.

Responsibility: It makes life better

You are responsible for how you think, feel, and act. Others are not responsible for how you think, feel, and act.

No one “makes you” think, feel, or do anything. You are responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Not them.

Others are responsible for how they think, feel, and act. You are not responsible for how others think, feel, and act.

You do not “make someone” think, feel, or do anything. They are responsible for their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Not you.

Why am I saying it over and over?

Because it’s so important to understand Reality #1. There is more control, freedom, and satisfaction ahead as you understand the difference between FOR and TO. In the healthiest relationships, this is understood and practiced by each individual, but even if you're the only one practicing, it still works, and it still makes things better for you.

It takes practice, practice, practice, and that's ok. It's worth it!

Practice makes....better!

Responsibility: Some Things to Consider

Grab your favorite journal, a notebook, or make a digiital note to reflect on the following questions. Enjoy what you discover!

Consider the “what you are responsible FOR” box above. Is there anything on that list that surprised you, you didn’t realize, or you disagree with? Why?

Is there anything you’d consider adding to that list as you think about your own life?

Are there ways you avoid responsibility?

If you do not take responsibility for something, do you blame someone else or a set of circumstances? Who? What? When?

In your own life, who are you responsible to, specifically?

Consider those you are responsible to. Are there ways you take responsibility for things that are NOT yours? Do you carry items from others’ backpacks? Who is it? What do you do? If you take responsibility for something not yours, why do you think you do that? To people-please? Get others to think a certain way about you? To create a particular outcome? To control and have your way? Avoid conflict? Because you just think you “should?” Because you’ve always done it that way? Other reasons? Take time to examine this one. Come back to it as you need to. What boulders in others' lives, that they cannot handle independently, could you help with? Examples might include: helping someone move into a new home, making meals for someone sick or recovering from surgery, giving someone a ride because their car is in the shop, etc. Is there anything that keeps you from helping them with these things?

Are there boulders in your life you could ask others to help you with? Is anything keeping you from asking? What would it require from you to ask?

Responsibility: Some Things to Consider

Think of things you have to do or say today, this week, or this month. What are some things you are responsible FOR? Are there things you aren’t?

What will it mean to take responsibility FOR those things? How will you feel after you do?

Is there anyone in your life who might try to take responsibilities away from you and do things for you that you could do for yourself? Who? What do they do for you?

Would you like to take responsibility and do those things for yourself? How can you do that? How do you think you will feel after you do them?

Do you ever say things like this?

“He makes me so mad!” “If she would just _________, then I could _________.” “I just get so triggered when he _____________; I just can’t help it.” “Well, I would ________ but she keeps _______.” “I’m sorry I was late, ___________________.” (i.e., terrible drivers, couldn't get off the phone, work got busy, or any behavior you might apologize for with the reason why it’s “not my fault" or has to do with someone else).

When do you say those things? Can you see a shift of responsibility and some blame?

If you’re a parent, how would things improve for you and with your kids if you focused on responsibility TO vs. responsibility FOR them?

What’s important to you? What do you value for yourself? How would those values influence your responsibility TO others and how you show up in your own life, work, and relationships?

Responsibility: Some Things to Consider

What difference will knowing and applying this reality make in your life?

What will your life look like if you don’t apply this reality?

Is there a change you know you can make right now in personal responsibility?

Is there a change you want to make, but don’t feel ready or confident to make it? What would make you ready and confident?

Add any other thoughts or questions you have about Reality #1 - Personal Responsibility.

A strong start! Keep going!

I hope you enjoyed Reality #1 - Personal Responsibility.

Reality #1 is foundational. Reality #2 - Reality #8 are built on #1.

If you would like to read the rest of The 8 Realities of Life and learn how to create a life you love and enjoy, consistently, get your copy here .

Great things are ahead for you!

The following pages are portions from the final sections of the book I wanted to share with you in this excerpt.

My hope is that you feel excitement and determination to create a life experience even better than you can imagine right now.

If you have any questions at all about what you read, reach out to me anytime.

I’ll look forward to encouraging you on your journey.

Make it a great day,

Michelle

Fitting The 8 Realities Together

You did it! Well done!

Eight realities, lots of reflection, and something better ahead for you.

I’m guessing you came to this workbook with one or two things in mind that could use your attention, and as you worked through the material, you discovered some additional things to explore.

I will always believe with you, and for you, all things are possible. I’ve seen it in my own life, the lives of others, and believe you will see it in yours.

Here is what you can declare is true for you as you lay a foundation for yourself and create a strong internal structure on your way to the most satisfying and successful life you love and enjoy consistently. Reality #1: I take personal responsibility for myself and what I want for my life and do not expect others to do it for me. I do not take responsibility for others and what they are meant to be responsible for. Reality #2: I have appropriate control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions and that is where my focus will be. I am more effective if I focus on controlling what I can and not trying to control what I cannot. Efforts to control what is not mine to control make me less influential and reduce the meaningful impact I can have on others. Reality #3: I manage my own expectations and do not put them on someone else. I can share them as I need to, but they are mine, and others are not required to hold them or meet them unless they want to. I maintain my own well-being by not allowing my emotional state to be determined by someone else because they did not meet my expectations. I notice what they are, take ownership of them, and communicate them as I need to.

Reality #4: I decide what I will do in any circumstance, and set healthy boundaries for myself and with others. I take control of my behavior, and help others understand what I will and will not expose myself to for my own well-being. It is not to control others, but to take control of myself in any given situation. Reality #5: I understand circumstances do not determine my feelings or behavior, ultimately. I have thoughts about what happens in life which determines everything else I experience. There is a relationship between my thoughts, feelings, and actions, and what I experience in my own life. That relationship forms a running sequence that begins with, and flows from, every thought I think. I choose to think thoughts that help me achieve satisfaction and success in my life, work, and relationships. Reality #6: I make transformative changes in my life knowing the way I see myself, others, and circumstances is determined by my own beliefs. Because of my own confirmation bias , I challenge my beliefs when I need to, to be sure what I think helps me cultivate a healthy attitude and accomplish what I really want in my life, work, and relationships. I work toward moving from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, believing anything is possible. Reality #7: I deal with the discomfort I experience when I’m trying to believe new things so I can make important changes in my life. When holding two opposing beliefs creates cognitive dissonance , I manage the process of learning new things to develop a belief system that works the best for me. I shift my thoughts intentionally, and determine the results I want for my life, work, and relationships. Reality #8: Change is an inevitable part of life and I embrace when it happens in mine. I do not need to fear change and I can accept it when it’s happening. When change challenges me, I learn more about myself, including my strength, perseverance, and resilience. I discover more about who I am and who I want to be. I remain flexible and find meaning and purpose in any life circumstance. When I need to make important changes in my life, I hold to my belief this will be a good thing for me. I choose to do the necessary work of transforming my life to create a life that looks more like I want it to.

You were created for great things. You can accomplish great things.

Do you believe it?

What do you want to create for your life?

What does it look like?

What is the next step you can take to make your life what you want it to be?

You can build a life that is uniquely yours. It is possible!

YOU

You're already doing it. Right now. With this workbook.

Keep going.

It’s going to be good.

You can believe it.

I really do love and enjoy my life.

It is full of abundant joy and also rich with challenges that help me learn and grow. I enjoy relationships with all different kinds of people and some are more challenging than others. I love my family and appreciate when they hold up a mirror to show me my blindspots. My friendships are precious to me and I’m always learning how to love them better. I get to do the work I know I was created to do and face the challenges of owning a business that serves others well. I am a coach and I have a coach. I get to teach and I get to learn. I get to help others and I get to ask others for help. I love time with others and also enjoy just being with me.

I mess up a lot and I keep going.

I have to work on being consistent. Every. Single. Day.

That’s normal and it’s ok.

I have the same human brain you do. Sometimes I get those sneaky, unhelpful thoughts I have to fight off because they are trying to pull me away from the life I am creating. That’s ok. I have lots of tools and support to help me where I need it most.

This is my life and it’s really good.

Yours can be too.

Believe it.

A Little About Me I am a Life & Mindset Coach, serving individuals, couples, and teams, with 30+ years of experience helping others make decisions about their lives and reach their goals in all areas of emotional, relational, and performance health. My work with clients comes from my firm belief that when we discover the truth about who we are and understand the design and purpose of our lives, we can create the life we want, both personally and professionally. Whether your need is in an area of your personal life, challenges in your work, or in the context of a relationship, working toward being your best self is always going to help get you where you want to be. I believe everyone is unique and has something to offer. My joy comes from helping others discover what that is, and determine a clear sense of purpose and direction; sometimes for the first time, sometimes to go in a new direction.

I believe our lives are to be lived by design, for a purpose, and with intention.

I believe our lives are built by those individual moments we create every day, all day, that reflect who we are and who we are becoming.

I believe creating a standard to live by and using it to measure our growth and development goals builds a life of significance and success.

I believe anyone can learn to live from his or her real self, everywhere, every time, with everyone.

Say goodbye to insecurity, comparison, confusion, and drifting through life.

Experience confidence, freedom, satisfaction, and influence in every area of your life, work, and relationships instead.

I am passionate about helping people learn how to change what they think is not working in their lives and create what is better.

If you would like to take your life experience to the next level for you, I can help you get there.

What you want for yourself IS possible. It’s your life and it can be good!

Believe it.

104

30-DAY READING challenge Think better. Feel better. Experience better.

Day 1: Welcome! Day 2: Creating the Life You Love and Enjoy Consistently Day 3: Your Strong Start Day 4-5: Reality #1 - Personal Responsibility Day 6-7: Reality #2 - Appropriate Control Day 8-9: Reality #3 - Managed Expectations Day 10-11: Reality #4 - Healthy Boundaries Day 12-13: Reality #5 - The Sequence Day 14-15: Reality #6 - Confirmation Bias Day 16-17: Reality #7 - Cognitive Dissonance Day 18-19: Reality #8 - Challenging Change Day 20: Fitting the Realities Together Day 21-22: Examining the Paradigm Day 23: Some Things To Consider For You Day 24-25: A Measured Life/Your Measured Life Day 26: Bonus Content/Your Next Steps Day 27: A Little About Me Day 28: The Great 8!™ Story Day 29: A Big, Big Goal and A Serious Invitation Day 30: Find 1More Reader for 1More Transformation

Good job! You did it. Go experience something better!

Want to read the whole book and make the changes in your life you’ve wanted to but just haven’t yet?

Click here to get started and finally create a life that looks more like the way you want it to.

Are you ready to create the life you desire?

What would that look like for you?

Do you want to: Be intentional with the way you live? Accomplish things you’ve only dreamed about so far? Make a difference the way you are meant to?

I do. I believe you do too.

The 8 Realities of Life will help you consider and apply some fundamental truths to your life. These realities, when you use them together, can build a foundation for the life you were created to live.

When we know who we are and why we do what we do, we live on purpose and for a purpose. Everywhere. Every time. With everyone.

The 8 Realities of Life will help you transform your life in the ways you want to most so you create a life you love and enjoy consistently.

There’s more than your current experience available to you.

Are you ready for it?

The Great 8!™ Collection:

The 8 Realities of Life

Measured Lives Coaching & Care

The 8 Essentials of Life

The 8 Systems of Life

The 8 Key Areas of Life

The 8 Skills for Life

Something better is ahead for you.

www.measuredlives.com

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