'A force for good'
E ach year, the Fairmont Sonoma Mission Inn hosts the YWCA’s largest fundraiser. In May 2024, the event was titled Gather Sonoma, a Celebration of Women, Wine, Chef and Cheese; Mary Dewane, cofounder of Benovia Winery, was YWCA’s 2024 Honorary Woman in Wine, in tribute to her work on behalf of women, children and the disabled. “Victims of domestic violence are afraid and isolated, not knowing where to turn; YWCA is there with shelter, resources and vital support,” she said, when learning of the honor. 2024 Honorary Chef was Liza Hinman, in recognition of her contributions to the YWCA. “The YWCA is a force for good in
our community, supporting families in crisis; I’m honored to contribute to their mission,” she said. 2025’s event is slated for Friday, May 9. To learn more, go to ywcasc.org/events-feed .— JW
resulting lack of access to money makes him or her powerless. She adds that domestic violence knows no boundaries, and becoming a victim is not based on economic standing, education, religion or gender. It can happen to anyone, and “Some come from the best zip codes in Sonoma County,” she says. “They’re just in a desperate situation and have nowhere to go.” Escape routes Domestic violence is a complicated issue with a variety of factors coming into play, and it can take several calls to the hotline before a victim is ready to leave an abusive situation. McConnell recalls a woman whose husband brutally attacked her at a family gathering at a public park, causing significant injuries. Law enforcement arrested the man and called YWCA advocates to meet with the victim at the hospital where she was receiving treatment. The goal was to move her and her children to the shelter, but her focus was on finding a way to bail him out, even though she had no money or access to a bank account, illustrating how dependent she was on her abuser. “Our YWCA advocate offered her our services and options for safety planning without judgment and urged her to use our 24/7 crisis hotline to stay in touch with us,” says McConnell. “Our goal is to share that we’re here and that the crisis hotline is answered 24 hours a day, seven days a week.” It’s typical for a person to call six or seven times before acting, because it takes time for them to build confidence once they discover that someone is listening and believes them. “There’s a rapport that’s built,” says O’Connell, and she explains that the YWCA keeps a database, even though calls are often filed as anonymous, so when a person calls again, an operator can pick up where the previous conversation ended. Several days later, when the woman felt ready to make an escape plan, she called the hotline for help. Her abuser rarely allowed her to take all their children when she left the house, in a strategy designed to make sure that she always returned. With the YWCA’s help, however, she successfully planned her escape to the safe house by claiming she was taking them to visit a family member. In addition to providing shelter, the YWCA referred the woman to legal services so she could obtain a restraining order against her abuser and provided counseling to help her and her children overcome the trauma they had experienced as a result of the attack in the park. O’Connell describes the safe house as a landing pad, with the first 48 hours a down period that gives victims a chance to catch their breath and understand what they’ve gone through in a place where they can sleep without fear, be nourished and get support. “Imagine the bravery involved,” she says, pointing out that victims must leave everything behind, and they don’t know where they’re
going, because the shelter’s location is confidential. “We want them to know that there’s a place for them where they don’t have to live in fear,” she says. The average stay is 60 days, but the YWCA doesn’t have a minimum requirement or a limit on how long someone can stay. Women who are pregnant sometimes give birth while they’re residents of the shelter, perhaps with difficult deliveries or C-sections, and the YWCA isn’t in a hurry for them to depart and can extend their stays. The next step is empowering victims as they become more confident and start to take control of their own lives. YWCA advocates have a manual with substantial resources they share with their clients—the term they use when former victims are ready to move forward and start planning for the future. In addition, they help them find a way to make an income so they can become self- supporting and assist them in finding employment that will make use of the skills they possess. O’Connell recalls a case in which the client was a chiropractor, but her partner had forced her to let her license lapse because he didn’t want her to have the independence working would allow. Advocates helped her find the records she needed to renew her license and return to her profession. Working through trauma The YWCA started offering counseling services in 2008 and initially contracted therapists to provide on-site counseling. In 2014, it hired its own therapists as staff members and then purchased a building in downtown Santa Rosa for counseling support services in 2021. It provides short- and long-term therapy and workshops, as well as support groups in two languages, which take place several times a week. “The program that is the glue is counseling,” says O’Connell. “The remarkable support that a counselor can be to someone in trauma and distress is not to be diminished.” Anna (a pseudonym to protect her privacy) had a good job, a nice house and a loving husband who was a caring father to their two young children. She’d also worked with women in distress at a faith- based organization and knew the signs of abuse, so she didn’t think it could happen to her. Her husband began to use drugs, however, and he moved out of the family home to work on getting his life together. Instead of recovering, though, he relapsed and started making threats to harm his family by burning the house down or running his truck into it. “It was really scary,” Anna says, but he’d been in trouble and had a probation officer, to whom she turned for help. She told him about the threats, but he responded that she couldn’t be that scared because he was living in the house with her. He was astounded when he learned that the man had lied about residing there and had him arrested.
January 2025
NorthBaybiz 33
Made with FlippingBook - Online magazine maker