January 2025

Rohnert Park when he was supposed to be elsewhere, but he was waiting and attacked her and the kids. They fled in her car, but he followed them and assaulted them again, this time in a public place with lots of witnesses, and he was arrested. “It was a nightmare,” Anna says. “A man I trusted tried to kill me and my children. I had a restraining order and that didn’t stop him from attacking us.” She couldn’t go home, because she didn’t know who would show up at her door to retaliate. “We felt so unsafe in our own beds and our own home,” she says, and “I couldn’t take a chance with my children.” The YWCA took them in and gave them a room, but the trauma continued, and she tried to comfort her children who were crying and had nightmares and participated in support groups with other victims in similar situations. Her husband eventually was sentenced to prison at Pelican Bay, where he died at the hands of another inmate. Anna describes crying for five years and not sleeping

While he was incarcerated, his associates were looking for him; Anna felt unsafe, so she and her children, who were 2- and 3-years-old, left. “I had nowhere to go,” she says, but then she remembered she had put a card with the crisis hotline number in her wallet in case she ever met someone who needed it. Anna called, went to the safe house and stayed there with her kids for a couple of days. Her husband remained in jail for 21 days, but even before he was released he was making threats. Anna was frightened, but law enforcement was unable to do anything because he hadn’t committed a crime, and a restraining order doesn’t guarantee one’s safety. “Having a restraining order doesn’t mean they’re going to observe it. Sometimes that’s not a barrier for them,” she points out. After her husband’s release, she spoke with him on the phone, and he said he wanted his belongings. Anna arranged to drop them off in

well for 10. Even now, she still wakes up at night, even though it’s been 20 years since the ordeal. “As a mom, I wondered what I could have done,” Anna says, revisiting the helplessness she felt as her children’s father tried to run them down. The YWCA provided counseling for her and her children, but the healing process takes a lot of time, and the trauma never entirely goes way. Counseling, however, is important for one to make the shift from victim to survivor. “The support of people who understand and have empathy makes a difference,” Anna says. “Healing has to happen somewhere, and having someone who opens the door and invites you in, perhaps with a hug, is one step.” O’Connell adds that it would also be helpful if people changed their perception and were more understanding. “It’s time we stopped blaming and shaming victims,” she says, advising that they stop asking why a victim didn’t ask for help sooner. “It’s all about the victim, when it should be about the abuser. Why did the abuser do what they did?” she asks. Starting young Domestic abuse has a profound impact on children—seeing someone they love inflict suffering and pain on another is a confusing and traumatic experience. O’Connell explains that the offenders often apologize for their actions and beg for another chance, and abuse and reconciliation become an ongoing cycle. When children witness the abusive pattern of behavior, they learn that one partner can dominate another through force and violence, and they might identify themselves as either an abuser or a victim. Counseling, therefore, is crucial, because it teaches children healthy behavior and helps to break the negative cycle. For the youngest children, Special Place Therapeutic Preschool, one of six preschools that the YWCA operates, offers on-site therapy for children 2 through 5 with counselors who are experienced in dealing

Family Owned Commercial & Residential Plumbing Company Since 1982

707-575-1500 • www.leducanddexterplumbing.com LeDuc & Dexter Plumbing has been the preferred plumbing contractor throughout the North Bay for both residential and commercial. Let us assist you, call today!

CL #548129

INSPIRE, EDUCATE & GUIDE

We build long-term relationships with our clients to provide them with the financial planning, sound investment advice, and personalized asset management needed to realize their life goals.

Sonoma County 707.508.4600

Marin County 415.300.4560

34 NorthBaybiz

January 2025

Made with FlippingBook - Online magazine maker