Meet Hudson “I hated people telling me this (but) it does get better! It’s true, it does but patience is important.” The pressure to conform, confusion, shame and false starts – all hallmarks of a person who grew up feeling trapped in the wrong gender. Hudson Morin tells a story from childhood that explains how those feelings can manifest in a young child. “I was maybe three or four years old when I noticed that my sister and I would get different clothes. I didn’t understand why she got all the nice clothes and I got boy clothes. I remember being at my grandmother’s house one summer and all of us kids were playing outside having a water fight. After, I didn’t have any clean underwear or shorts, so my mom handed me some fresh clothes of my sister’s. “How come I can’t wear this all the time”, I asked.” As puberty arrived, Hudson found bits and pieces about transgender people. Hudson identified with a male TV character who took hormones to become more authentic as a Las Vegas showgirl. This began a hunt for estrogen. She stole and began taking her Mom’s estrogen, a dangerous practise of self- medicating that ended when her parents found out. “I started with one a day but by six months I was impatient and was taking 6-8 a day, not realizing it takes years and not months to work. About 7-8 months in, my parents found my stash of make-up and clothes and the forbidden hormones.”
darkness coming, I do whatever I can to stay positive and be happy, so I never get that dark again.” Hudson has found a community among some of London’s support groups including Trans*London and PFLAG – Parents, Families, Friends and Allies of the LGBTQ2+ communities. There, she gets advice and camaraderie from people who fully accept her for who she is. “When I was growing up and there was a wish involved, I would always wish to wake up my genuine self.” Now Hudson is living her wish, with no expectations and the joy of being her authentic self.
Hudson revealed her true self to family and friends nearly two decades later. A steelworker, she enlisted the help of union members, friends and colleagues before coming out at work. She learned it’s best not to have expectations because you can’t always predict who will be supportive. “I had expected my sister, who was closer to me than anyone, to be the biggest and best support but I was wrong. She ended up being the complete opposite. And then there were those I expected to be totally horrible to me, but they ended up being some of my best supporters.” With time, some who distanced themselves at first have re- entered her life. “With educating them or them teaching themselves about this whole process, some started coming around which is really nice to see.” In the meantime, Hudson rode a roller-coaster of emotions. She experienced anxiety and deep depression, even thoughts of suicide. “I thought I was ready for surgery, but there is always something more to learn or do. I focused every day on accomplishing even just one task. Next day, maybe I could do two. If I feel that
“I did gain more than I lost. Its been just over five years being out, and just over 3 months post GRS (gender reassignment surgery). Something I found very helpful was to try and be around supportive people and always try to be positive. Focus on the things that you need to do for you. it will come, just be patient. That’s what I had to keep reminding myself.”
Page 4 Issue 3 • Fall 2019
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