Hola Sober April 2024

I threw many tantrums, and there are countless photos of me mid- scream as a child. I also remember crying for no reason other than just feeling very off. I constantly tried to make my head be quiet, playing a game where I would try not to think, but I would quickly realize that when I quietened one part of my brain, another part would start talking. I was also very impulsive. I remember getting into trouble for fighting at school. I couldn't understand why you would waste time arguing when a quick bop on the nose would sort the other person out quickly! But I wasn't a problem child; the issues were just flashes, and then I would calm down. I was a walking contradiction: loud, funny, and confident at school, yet I craved time alone. Being grounded was not a punishment for me. I much preferred playing with my dolls and making up adventures in my head alone.

They would complain about my tardiness and late homework. But again, I was never considered to have problems. I think they thought I didn’t care, which was true unless the topic was interesting or exciting to me. I could only finish homework under pressure. If I liked the subject, I would excel. I left school with a scattering of exams, but nowhere near where I should have been. I am not surprised that ADHD wasn’t considered back then. I learned early on how to hide the things that made me feel different. I constantly made everything into a joke. So, when I messed up, got distracted, or got times or dates wrong, it was seen as me being funny and became part of my personality. I guess everyone thought I was just ditzy and clumsy.

I ntroduction of alcohol

I and nightclubbing weekly by 15. This sounds shocking now, but it was common then. We weren't asked for ID, and as girls, makeup and clothes made it easier to sneak into places. started drinking at 14 I loved how alcohol made me feel. I had always struggled with nervousness before going out. Alcohol was my solution. After a couple of drinks, I felt confident and less self- conscious. The only downside was that I always ended up the most drunk. I used to joke that I was allergic to alcohol, explaining why I was always the most wasted at the end of the night.

Teen years

In senior school, I was still very confident on the outside, but I struggled with social anxiety and anxiety in general. I didn’t enjoy school. I was bright and popular but underachieving. Boring lessons were torturous. I used to set my watch slow, hoping for a nice surprise when the bell rang. My school reports were consistent: 'easily distracted, distracts others.


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