Hola Sober April 2024

Maybe you could celebrate tomorrow. I mean, that's a thing to celebrate, right? 10 days! Look at you! You did it! You should be proud!!

ends. The love that I forgot. The love that we forgot. Do you think booze will smooth all that? Yes, she said. Yes. Please. Give me some. I can't, Barbara. I'm sorry. I can't. I don't want to feel that. I can't stand it. I feel like I am dying. You're not dying, Barbara. It's kind of the opposite. What do you mean? What you are going through, Barbara, is life. But it hurts! I know, Barbara. Life hurts sometimes. Life is heavy some days. Life is full of feelings. Good or bad. You have to get used to it. You have to get used to the feels Barbara. Get used to the sun. Get used to the rain. Everything passes. The good, the bad.

I see what you are doing here, Barbara.

But what if you just took 1 or 2 beers tomorrow? That's ok, just 1 or 2. Then you stop. It'd be nice. It'd be nothing at all! I don't want to, Barbara. And you know why. It would not work. Why??

Because you'd want more. No, I swear I would not. I know you are lying, Barbara. I'm not lying! Sigh. Silence. I hear her crying in the dark. What's wrong, Barbara?

It's too heavy and I'm tired.

Go to sleep, Barbara. I'm watching you. I'll fight for you. I'll fight for both of us.

I want a drink. I'm in pain. Don't you dare to leave me suffering like that. You're so cruel. Why are you in pain, Barbara? I am feeling. What are you feeling? All of it. All of it? What does that mean? I'm feeling all the feelings. And?

Can I have some beers tomorrow? No, Barbara. Please? No. You're so mean. I know. Sleep tight, Barbara. I'll come back tomorrow, she said. I know, Barbara. I know. I'm clean. The day is slowly rising now. Today I am cleaning the house. Barbara is there. Whining. Waiting. It hurts, she said. You'll get used to it. Then it'll hurt less.

It hurts. Does it? It hurts. What hurts?

The sunshine on my skin. The rain on my face. The suffering earth. The beating human heart. The burden of the body. The blue sight of his eyes. The feet on the ground. The wind in the hair. The cold shivering air. The memories of the beauty. The smiling mouth that died. The never hugging arms. The disappointment words. The forever end of the childhood. The house I'll never see again. The tree that is now dead. The games we used to play. The parties where we danced. The favourite song that

Today is day 10. I'm proud of my achievement here. But I won't celebrate with booze. I'm gonna stay clean and clean around myself.


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