Christian Worker's Clinic by May Syrstad BUILDING PARENT-TEEN COMMUNICATIONS Part II I t ’s not easy becoming an adult in a world that even adults don’t understand. Last month we spoke of the changing world that today’s teen faces, but one of the tragic facts of this change is that many parents today just are not sure who is i n charge. The Ladies Home Journal conducted a poll of 660 women in all parts of the country. In response to the simple state ment, “ Many parents f ea r t ha t youth comes close to controlling today’s world,’’ 38% replied, “ Very true.” 29% answered, “ Maybe it is true.” Only 29% said it was false. Almost half the women stated that they longed to make youngsters shut off noisy modern music, but didn’t because they feared it would drive the kids out of the home. The poll arrived at these startling con clusions: 1. Many parents actually seem afraid of their children. 2. Many parents feel so guilty about their own shortcomings, they appear incapable of straightening out their children. 3. Many parents appear too lazy to get involved with their children’s problems. 4. Many parents are so tyran nized by their children that they are not altogether sure that adults are still running the world. One thing is certain — adults and young people desperately need one another. But pride and rigidity keep them from communicating. This is where the breakdown be tween the generations begins. Most parents can make a long list of what is wrong with kids, but it would be far more profitable for them to give some thought to the question, “ What can adults do to build bridges of communication with their teens?” Here are eight 34
suggested “ Communication Build ers” for parents of teens: Communication Builder No. 1— Break the Silence. What a tragedy that so many fathers and sons nev er learn to talk until they meet at the police station or in the presence of the judge! Then the silence is often broken with angry accusa tions or sobs of remorse. Silence is the brooding place of trouble. All types of misunderstanding, suspi cion and tension germinate in the strained, frigid atmosphere of a home where parents and teens have ceased to communicate. Just as the Bible teaches that it is the hus band’s task to be the initiator in a marriage relationship, so it is pri marily the responsibility of the par ent to keep the lines of communi cation open with his teen. How can the parent successfully grab this initiative? Communication Builder No. 2— Be Available. Many of today’s par ents don’t spend enough time with their teens. Listen to Jerry, age 17: “ My father works all the time. He brings work home every evening. He goes into his office on Sunday. A month ago he went into the back yard and shot some baskets with me. He thought he was a hero be cause he spent fifteen minutes there. I couldn’t wait until he left. I literally have no idea who he is.” A parent has to be there when the young person wants to talk, and to take care of small problems before they become unmanageable. Many times they want to talk at an inconvenient time for the paren t. . . such as when he is finally in bed and the parent is exhausted from a hectic day and the teen says, “ Sit down on the bed and talk to me.” What is your response? The flesh may cry out, “ I’m too tired.” But the spirit reminds us that here may be an opportunity to share in some of the deepest concerns of a young life, and to give some spir itual direction to that life at a time when he is seeking it. I have asked many teens why they like a particularly popular Sun day school teacher or leader. One of the top traits they list is: “ He (or she) is available when we want
to talk.” As parents, we must make time for our teens. The day will soon come when they stand before us grown people and we sigh, “ There was so little time to do for them what should have been done.” Communication Builder No. 3— Learn to Listen. Warren, 18, wants to get out of the house. He puts it this way, “ I haven’t talked seriously with anyone around here in ten years. My father is not the type who sits and listens. He sits and tells you. One day I came home to tell my folks I had just gotten an A in Advancement Placement Physics. My father and I got involved in something the minute I walked in the door, and it ended with his te ll ing me I wasn’t old enough to have a serious opinion about anything. I walked out of the house. I never did tell him about the A. My mother says I must respect him. I want to. But he has to have some respect for me too. With the Navy next year and then college, if I’m lucky, this will be my last year at home.” One of the weakest links in the communication chain is the unwill ingness of parents to listen. The parent possesses all the adult wis dom with which years of experience have endowed him, and he cannot wait to transmit it to his stumbling student. Yet the teen feels that he has a sound rationale for his ac tions and that parents owe him the courtesy of at least listening to his viewpoint. We do need to listen— because only then will we know the direction our guidance needs to take. But the problem is that often when we do manage to listen, we don’t like what we hear. We are nat urally very emotionally i nvo lved with our young person. We feel somehow responsible for his wrong ideas or emphasis. It reflects on our character. So we become defen sive for the sake of self-preserva tion. Parents need to ask God for the grace to be an acceptable recipient of the communications of their teens. This is a need that the teen keenly feels. If the parent doesn’t meet it, the son or daughter will get in line at someone else’s door who will listen. KB THE KING’S BUSINESS
Made with FlippingBook - Online Brochure Maker