Donald D’Haene – New Book and Event by J. Bruce Parker After discussing his new book Nobody Wants To Read That You’re Happy over breakfast at a local diner, Old South resident and author, Donald D’haene announces, “I am so happy about ……..everything.” I find this a strange declaration from a man who has written two books describing how he was sexually abused by a man from the ages of four to fifteen. This man was his father. There was also sexual abuse towards his sister and brother Erik, whose life migrated into mental illness, drug addiction, and a tragic death in 2021. D’Haene defines himself as a ‘retired’ columnist, producer, actor, and director. He hopes that his new book will fall somewhere between a touchstone and lifeline for those who are marginalized like his brother Erik. We recently had a Q&A over breakfast. So let’s start off with the title. Why such a title and why are you happy about everything now? Donald: Let me first state that I am happy here today, as I am happily hoovering the rest of my eggs and toast, thinking specifically of my plans regarding my September event for Erik. Happy to be privileged to highlight my late brother’s life and talents in creative ways with you. Happy to have a supportive, loving partner, siblings, friends. But happy, come on, have YOU read my book? LOL. As for the title, after reading the cover, but not the contents, an interviewer recently exclaimed, “Finally a book about happiness.” I ask you, should an author explain a title? I will state, my title is A – ironic, and B – it will make sense to those who read it. Why did you write a second book about the abuse in your life? Donald: You see, I did not write a second book about the abuse. In fact, the abuser is a minor character. It’s a memoir about life after, not during. What is Erik’s story? Donald: My younger brother’s life is the whole point of my second memoir. Erik’s life had meaning; he had incredible talent. More important, he had hopes and dreams like any other displaced member of our society. He could never escape the past although he tried with drugs and other forms of self-abuse. My guilt was suffocating me. My depression consumed me until I decided to tell Erik’s story, first through this book and then through sharing his words and art. I have been reborn telling my Erik’s story. I feel I’m alive again, but I have to be, for him.
You have another brother and a sister. How do they fit into the story? Donald: What time is it? Before I answer that question I should check my DNA results. I have full/half/step siblings around the world. Specific to Erik’s story, my sister Marina and brother Ronny – we grew up together. My book is a love letter to those three siblings and my mother. Your mother seems to be a grounding figure in your life throughout all of the trauma. Tell me about her. Donald: People say to us all the time, how can you three still respect faith after all you’ve been through. They never met our mother. Never doubted God. Never blamed him. Nothing could knock her faith. We three had to learn to accept that we were human; she on the other hand was a force of nature, of goodwill, of humanity, of love and light. The book is based on transcripts of letters, diaries, and photos. How much of it is from your memory? Donald: I used to have a photographic memory for stories, events, and conversations. Fortunately, I kept thorough diaries back then, when the memory was intact. Nevertheless, the brain is a remarkable muscle. Exercise it and it will surprise you.
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