Pathways SU24 Digital Magazine

MIND-BODY-SPIRIT

No Regrets... ...continued from page 27

joy. And it happens step by step, moment by moment. Here are three practices I use and recommend to en- ergize and maintain healthy alignment every day: 1. BE CURIOUS: I love Margaret Wheatley’s inspiring techniques for “seeing the familiar with new eyes,” which means dealing with trauma and annoyance with curios- ity and love. In Restoring Sanity (2024), she suggests every time we’re with someone we think we know (and that’s SO true especially with family!), notice something new. By learning something new, we release the old sto - ries and assumptions that keep us stuck in old patterns. 2. BE VULNERABLE: Have you seen Brene Brown’s Whole- hearted Parenting Manifesto? (from Daring Greatly , 2020). I’ve claimed it as a personal manifesto, especially as I realign my complicated family rifts. “I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you.” When I can do this, whatever the political, social, or cultural divides between us, I can listen, respond, and learn with the people I love. 3. BE CREATIVE: I’ve learned so much from memoir writers like Tara Westover ( Educated , 2020), who wrote about escap - ing her survivalist father’s control. She said, “I wrote my story for myself — because I wanted to write my life in the hopes of seeing it from a new perspective, and make it feel different the second time around.” She claimed her own version of the story, along with the courage to tell it her way, honoring her choices and being honest about her losses and gains. The writ- ing process realigned her story, her purpose, and her sense of self, through creative exploration. However you express

dress the elephant in the room. It’s eyeballing us now, trumpeting those cynical, frustrated, wounded questions that rise up when we face a family conundrum: “Why bother? Will they ever change?” I have a love/hate relationship with this particular elephant! When I step away from conflict, I get to stay in my comfort zone; and since nothing changes, I get to be right. (I love being right and feeling safe. Who doesn’t?) But when I step up to a challenge, I can lighten up that heavy backpack of assumptions and grudges and stories I’m carrying around about my brother or mother or whoever’s pushing my buttons. (I hate that elephant then, because I regret the years I spent carrying around those emotional rocks.) So here’s a blunt answer to that cranky pachyderm’s eternal ques- tions. We bother because the alternative is getting stuck in stagnant stories of being a victim or misunderstood or some other misera- ble self-protective half-truth. We bother because it doesn’t matter if they change; it’s our right to grow and learn, to survive and thrive. We bother because we want to choose love and healing, because we want to stand fully in the light of learning. We bother because when we thrive, the people around us can thrive, too. Most of all, we bother because on the other side of discomfort and struggle are creativity, right relationships, and freedom. As a life coach and writing coach, I’ve seen it so many times — when someone steps up and into their personal power, life opens up. Birth and cho - sen family relationships change, evolve, improve, or transform. They get inspired, and create an inspiring community around them in an empowering and creative circle. Internal and external barriers drop away; opportunities surprise them. Healing aligns with calling. That’s the core of it! We bother because family healing aligns with our purpose, so we move into the world with more freedom and more

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28—PATHWAYS—Summer 24

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