grandparenting Be a family gatherer How you can solidify relationships through family gatherings BY RICHARD AND LINDA EYRE Y our individual relationships with each of your children and each of your grandchildren are forever important and can be the source of the SPECIALIZED RETREATS : Grandma gathering with daughters and daughters-in-law; Grandpa with sons and sons-in-law.
to enjoy each other. There also seems to be more time and more opportunities to discuss problems or choices and to help each other with solutions and decisions. One family we know just uses their old Winnebago. Once they’re all crammed into it together, they start to talk and have fun on a different level. Another family has a very inexpensive vacation rental that they go to in the off-season. Friends in Bulgaria and Ukraine, though they earn virtually nothing by American standards, still have a little “dacha”—a tiny coun- try or forest cabin, often that they built themselves, where they can get away as a family. Still, other fami- lies simply go camping to some familiar place they have come to know and love. My brother creates the same sort of bonding in a different place each year. He’d rather rent than own. Many families we know find that their best bonding comes while camping together. Others, particularly those who have family “issues” with some of their siblings or in-laws, start with something shorter and on neutral territory— something as simple as a nice dinner together. If none of these is an option for you because of distance and expense, luckily there are ways to have a family gathering online with Zoom.
teaching of unique loving, and joy. But, besides the individual time, there should be collective time— places and timespans where families bond, where cousins become almost like siblings, where everyone catches up on everyone else, and where a special kind of family communication happens. Whether you live on the same street or your kids are far-flung; and whether you have one child or five, it is so important for your children and grandchildren to have bonding experiences that create lasting memories. Unless you are proac- tive about these get-togethers, whether formal or informal, it is so easy for families to drift apart and become disconnected. Everyone’s plan will be different depending on the numbers and distances involved, as well as on finan- cial issues, but there are three things that ought to be a part of everyone’s “family gathering plan.” PLACE : Having a traditional place or location to gather. FAMILY REUNIONS : Structuring and organizing the gatherings and making them happen regularly.
Families with grown-and-departed children need a place to gather and communicate. It ought to be a place somewhat removed from the daily routine and from the normal distractions of work, friends, and commitments. Days seem so much longer at a place like this—there is more time to talk and to listen and
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27 GRANDP arenting
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