grandparenting
When the reunion was over, they proudly took their secret rocks and promised to stay in touch with us and with each other from their respective homes in Boston, Utah, and Arizona. By Christmas, they each had some real-life examples to share about each of the secrets. Time has passed, and there are now ten secrets— and we’re delighted to say that they are becoming little self-fulfilling prophecies within their lives. They have a permanence about them now--we have put them on large river rocks that decorate our kitchen at the lake house where we hold our annual reunion, and they are being passed on to younger cousins, with the older ones acting as tutors. We added one or two new secrets each summer at our reunion, each time having the same kind of “what does this mean and how could you apply it” discussion. Each grandchild “qualified” the first four secrets when he or she was 10, and additional secrets were added as they reached the age when we thought they could understand and apply them. Other rewards were added—which they qualified for by memorizing the secret and giving life experiences they had had or could imagine having when the secret could be applied. The secrets are not a panacea, but they have helped on numerous levels, including our own relationship and relevance with each of our grandchildren. You, as a one-of-a-kind grandparent with one-of- a-kind grandchildren, will develop your own set of the things you most want to teach—your own “secrets.” But for what they are worth as examples, here are a couple more of ours: UNIQUENESS: “There is only one of you, and you have unique gifts and talents that you need to discover. Be yourself, find your place, and grow into all you can be. Seek a life of Broadening and Contributing.”
DECISIONS: “In the second seventh of life (from age 12 to 24) come many of life’s pivotal decisions, which will largely determine the happiness of the remaining five sevenths. Binary, right-wrong choices should be made in advance, dated, and signed in contract with self. Open-ended, multi-alternative, confirmation-requiring decisions should be made tentatively through analy- sis, advice, and prayer, but not implemented or acted upon until they are verified by a spiritual process called ‘confirmation.’” As a grandparent, ask yourself this question: If you had a magic wand and could wave it over your grand- children and automatically imbue them with certain truths and guidelines for life, what principles would you implant in them? What are the things you have learned and that you wish you had learned earlier? Here is the sequence we suggest: • Sit down and think about the principles you want to teach your grandkids. This is some hard, mental work, and you won’t complete your list in one sitting or in just a week or two. Think about it for at least a month, letting your thinking develop and evolve, and when you are ready, make a list of the principles you most want your grandkids to know. Try for between five and ten principles. • Think about how to state those principles simply and as “secrets.” Take another month, and gradually work each of your principles into a clear, terse sentence or two that a child can memorize and remember. • Tell your grandchild or grandchildren that you have some secrets for them and that you will tell them just one of the secrets each year. Start the secrets with any grandchild who is eight or older. Make a big deal out of sharing each secret—do it in a special,
one-on-one setting with the grandchild (or with two or three if you have some that are roughly the same age). We don’t want our dear and precious grandchil- dren to have to rediscover the wheel—or to learn hard lessons only by trial and error or by getting knocked down and beat up because they didn’t know any better. Making a deliberate effort to teach our grandkids the life principles we think are most important is both a respon- sibility and an honor.
Richard and Linda Eyre’s parenting and life- balance books have reached millions and been translated into a dozen languages. As fellow Baby Boomers, their
passion and their writing focus has now shifted to the joy of Grandparenting. Linda’s latest book is Grandmothering , Richard’s is Being a Proactive grandfather , and their latest co-authored book is Life in Full. All three of these are now on sale on Amazon.
34 GRANDP arenting
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