grandparenting
Good grandparenting: don’t manage, consult! BY LINDA AND RICHARD EYRE T his article is particularly for grandparents with teen-aged grandchildren. Let’s start by focusing on two words that describe and define two very different roles: Manager: A person in charge; with responsibility, with authority; one who decides and directs. Consultant: A person who helps other people with their goals; one who advises and assists. What a difference! With small children, parents and grandparents are the managers. But with adolescents it all changes—not only in degree, but in kind . A whole different type of relationship needs to evolve between you and your grandkids—one where we try to respond to their initiative, to help them with their goals, to back off and give them space to make their own decisions, but to be always willing and ready to help. Our grandparental instincts are to give them everything and to simply “tell them what they need to know.” But as grandkids reach their teens, what they really need you to be is a reliable consultant. Consultant-style inputs complement and enhance their growing independ- ence, and will keep them coming back to you for advice. Imagine, for example, that you are concerned about how a grandson talks disrespectfully to his mother The most effective route away from managing and toward consulting is to ask questions. That is the prime skill of all good consultants. Ask (with positive interest and with no judgment) every question you can think of. Get inside your grandkids’ heads and their hearts and understand where they’re coming from. And learn to wait for the magic moments when they ask you for advice! ” “
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39 GRANDP arenting
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