grandparenting
A five-facet review of your grandkids BY LINDA AND RICHARD EYRE I
f you’re an average baby boomer, you will be a parent for sixty-plus years of your life, and only about twenty of those years will be spent parenting your kids while they live with you. You’ll spend two-thirds of your parenthood as an empty-nest parent, and much of that time you will also be a grandparent.
conditions they have to meet—all with- out the input or agreement of your parent-children. Remember that when your children marry, they’re not just under a different roof; Most grandparents don’t pursue either of these extremes intentionally or directly, but most of us seem to gravitate gradually toward one or the other—to abdicate or to arbitrate . What is needed instead is a carefully planned and communicated middle course involving a well- discussed and agreed-upon strategy of how the relationship, the independence, and the assistance will evolve as your children leave your house and have children of their own. Remember that when your children marry, they’re not just under a different roof; they’re part of a whole new and different family of their own. ” “ they’re part of a whole new and different family of their own.
There are two perfectly predictable ways to fail at empty-nest parenting and at grandparenting, and, frighten- ingly, most of us are headed directly for one or the other. Ironically, they are the exact opposite of each other—yet each is a virtual guarantee of the dete- rioration of our relationships with our grown children and grandkids One way to fail is to abdicate —to simply quit parenting once your kids leave home, and to leave the grandkids entirely to their parents. This option, obviously, eliminates any meaningful role you would play as a grandparent, and you will fail by default. The other way to fail is to arbitrarily lay down a pattern or set of standards— how much financial help they’ll get, what responsibilities they’ll take, and what
45 GRANDP arenting
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