grandparenting Giving grandchildren grit— the surprising key BY LINDA AND RICHARD EYRE D o you sometimes wonder what will happen to this next generation of children, which includes our grandchildren? Sometimes it seems that they want “everything” and want it “now” and refuse to wait for it or work for it!
March 15, 2013 titled The Stories that Bind Us. What we learned from the article is that our children and grandchildren who have a strong sense of their family narrative not only develop a strong sense of belonging and identity, they become more resilient— they have more grit! Of the research leading up to this, Mr. Feiler writes, “ A surprising theme emerged. The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a family narrative.” He explains how researchers Dr. Marshall Duke and
And parents are sometimes not helping. Psychologists now talk about “Snowplow Parents,” who go ahead of their children, clearing the way of any obstacles that may lie in their paths or make life hard for them. Kids are getting snared in what we call “The Entitlement Trap.” * It turns out that the amount of grit a child has is directly connected to how much he knows about his family narrative… “
a colleague Dr. Robyn Fivush, created a “Do You Know” list of 20 questions for children to investigate what they know about their families. The survey included simple questions like, “Do you know how your parents met? Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young? So, it is knowing where they came from that can give our grandkids resilience and grit. “
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As we contemplate how different our grandchildren’s lives are from ours as we grew up we may wonder, “How are they going to develop resilience when the going gets tough? What can we do to give them some good old-fashioned grit?” The key to giving children grit is a little counterintuitive—something most of us would not have thought of. It turns out that the amount of grit a child has is directly connected to how much he knows about his family narrative--about the lives and stories of his parents, grandparents and ancestors. Bruce Feiler, an acquaintance and one of our favorite authors, explains this in a New York Times column from
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47 GRANDP arenting
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