Volume 26, Issue 1
WisconsinChristianNews.com
Page 31
God Ordained, Healthy Sexuality
By Lynn Fredrick April 2025
tifying thoughts and beliefs that were not Godly and replacing those by memoriz- ing, contemplating and practicing Scrip- tures that would be Godly in their place. A recovery step tells us to do a fearless moral inventory of ourself. Its Scriptural base is “take every thought captive.” The thing to do with this list of the good, the bad and the ugly is to compare them with Scripture and then be “transformed by the renewal of your mind.” God’s word is the power that brings change but we have to put it into our mind and practice. Several examples would be, concerning my thoughts, that I could be a Christian and watch porn, which is adultery. The Scrip- ture to correct that, for me, is: “For the grace of God has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live upright and godly lives in this present age.” Titus 2:11.
This is the final article in my se- ries addressing the damage done over decades by the predator that roams the church
and our world. The predator, of course, is Satan, in the disguise of pornography. Hard core porn and its accomplices, soft core porn, R rated movies, T.V. sitcoms, and television in general have educated our society with every detail of defining dysfunctional and unhealthy relation- ships and sexuality.
Ask the question to other people you know. What is healthy sex? You will get
life’s meaning and uses vulnerability for excitement. Furthering one’s sense of self, healthy sex helps the individual become an adult who assumes responsibility for needs. It expands on reality by relying on safety, it is mutual and intimate. Originating in integrity, healthy sex may include legitimate suffering; it dares to face pain. It presents challenges while integrating the most authentic parts of oneself. Healthy sex is fun and playful and allows for the imperfect.” End excerpt. The best I can do is scratch the surface on this topic and pray that you, the reader, will do more research to define what healthy sex means for you. Be very careful in researching this topic. The predator is all over the internet on this subject. His answers will NOT be helpful. Look under “help for sexual addiction” and names like Dr. Patrick Carnes, Dr. Mark Laaser of Faithful and True, Clifford and Joyce Penner, their book, “The Gift of Sex,” should get you into the right places where you can broaden your research. I have spent many years learning what healthy sex is and I am still learning. I had 29 years of indoctrination by the predator. It has been a road worth traveling to undo his damage and discover God ordained sex. There is a reality even in secular sex addiction re- covery. “Any sex outside a long term committed relationship is ad- dictive sex.” “Marriage” is not the magic word, “relationship” is. Remember all the aspects of healthy intimacy, that I wrote about in this series, that makes for a healthy relationship — you have to have all those things going in a relationship to have a healthy sexual relationship. I was married for many years, both of us professed Jesus as our Savior, and the marriage was dominated by addictive sex. The only road map we had was the one drawn by the Predator and based on the world around us. No instruction from parents, public educa-
some bewildered looks and not much for answers. Religious folks will do the cop out and answer, “healthy sex takes place only in marriage.” Nothing else to add to the definition, because religious folks are as damaged by the predator as those outside the church. So, where do we go to find answers? The first 7 chapters of Proverbs give wonderful boundaries to avoid the wayward woman or man. The Song of Solomon gives a picture of healthy sexuality. If we are going to get in-depth answers, we need to go to the people in repentance and recovery for sexual addiction and the profession- als that help them. They are the only source because they, by ne- cessity, are the only ones looking to discover what healthy sex is because their knowledge of unhealthy has brought much destruc- tion to their own life and the lives of those living with and around them. The following is an excerpt from Dr. Patrick Carnes’ book, “Don’t Call it Love.” “Addicts often describe healthy sex by contrasting it with the experience of their addiction. As discussed earlier, addictive behavior tends to be shame based, fearful, nonmutual and ex- ploitive. We can develop a model which offers a point-by-point con- trast between addictive sexuality and healthy sexuality. Addictive sex feels shameful. Often it is illicit, stolen, or exploitive. It compromises values and draws on fear to generate excitement. Addictive sex often reenacts childhood abuses, disconnecting one from oneself. A world of unreality is created, allowing self-destruc- tive and dangerous behaviors. Based on conquest or power, it is seductive and dishonest. Serving to medicate and kill pain, addictive sex becomes routine, grim, and joyless. A tough taskmaster, the addiction requires a double life and demands perfection.
I used to believe it was alright to be angry, then God taught me it was better to be a patient man, one who controls his temper than one who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32. I am remarried now. Terry and I dated for three years, starting at the age of 49. We even went to one of my sex addiction counselors to make sure we were on a better track than both of our previous dysfunctional and abusive marriages. We will be celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary this August 18. I have never been so happy. We do most everything together. Right now, we are in the maple sap to syrup season. Long days, as I am writing this article in a break from a sap run and while tending the finish of some gal- lons of syrup. Terry is trying to catch up on house chores and la- beling several cases of ordered syrup. Rare for us not to be in the same place, but in several hours, we will be on a 4-hour sap collect to start cooking down at 5 a.m. tomorrow. (The collect was just under 400 gallons.) We have just over 500 taps out, we have col- lected 1500 gallons of sap and are praying for 3000 more to be able to provide for the stores that sell our syrup under the name “God’s Promise,” certified organic maple syrup. The stores are Market Place Foods in Hayward Wis., Rice Lake, Wis. and Holly’s Last Stand in Ladysmith, Wis. Terry and I never stop talking, we are both on a mission to know all about each other. That is true of our sexual relationship as well. God has given us a very big world to discover about the gift of sex He has given to us. We discuss it, plan for it and sometimes just let it happen. Something we have learned along the way is to go for walks, go out on regular dates, and plan a weekend away together, often, and practice the principles of healthy intimacy daily. I could not have dreamed of being so happily married. Terry and I are in this marriage adventure as best friends, co-workers, fishing, hunting and camping buddies and no doubt, passionate lovers. A final word about what I have learned on the way concerning sex. The awesome sexual experience begins many days before the event and, underline this, sex should be more like a symphony and less like a 3-minute pop-rock tune. Lynn Fredrick is the author of “Stand Firm,” a recovery program to help transform your life by using the divine power of God’s Word. LynnFredrick.com
Healthy sex adds to self-esteem. It has no victims. It deepens
tion or the churches we attended. After 30+ years of a marriage that was falling apart and eventually did, I went in search of what was wrong with me. I attended weekly meetings of Sex Addicts Anonymous for 11 years and underwent extensive counseling over a 7- year period. It is said in the Sex and Love Addicts manual, “I came face to face with the enemy and the enemy was me.” If I were to ever have a healthy relationship and healthy sexuality, I had to change me. There was no simple prayer or magic wand; it took years of hard work iden-
Faith Baptist Church Evangelical, Reformed
‘Contending for the faith once delivered unto the saints.’
Freedom From Pornogr Pornography & Sexual Sin www.LynnFredrick.com
Faith Baptist Church is dedicated to pro- claiming the whole counsel of God (Acts 2:27) and UNAPOLOGETICALLY UPHOLDS the 5 solas:
Watch the online video and then share it with your friends. (Self publishing needs help). If you decide to read my book, please give it a 15+ word review on Amazon.com
• Sinners are justified by faith alone, through grace alone, in Christ alone, by the Holy Scriptures alone, to the glory of God alone.
2003 10th St. • Monroe, WI Pastor Bob Leverton • (815) 541-6773 We would identify with those who preached the “old time” gospel. Our confession of faith is found in the old “London Confession of 1689.” We hope you will join us in worship to our Triune God. It is so needful in these last days that we are a Church Family! You are very welcome to join us! Sunday, 9:30 am • Prayer Meeting Wednesday 7:00 pm
STAND FIRM is the story of my journey as God led me out of addiction into the freedom found only in His grace. STAND FIRM is my story, but also a Bible- based guide of how to use the divine power of God to transform a person’s life.
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