Confessions of a payroll manager – Ice cold in Archive
Another anonymous episode revealing the world of payroll featuring payroll avatar, Penelope Fortham (‘Penny’), who is payroll manager at the nation’s favourite biscuit makers Crumbitt’s Confections. T here aren’t many places at Crumbitt’s where I feel anything less than completely at home. I’ve been here long enough to know every nook and cranny and every face (smiling or otherwise) greeting me when I walk through the factory; but there are two areas I tend to avoid. One is Mr Crumbitt’s Ideas Haven and Project Incubation Unit – which is just a shed he bought on his seventieth birthday and installed on the roof a couple of years ago. Visiting the shed risks being accosted by Mr Crumbitt who, anxious to share his ideas, could keep you there until the sun sets – and probably until it rises, too. The other area is the Archive room, which is more like a cupboard with delusions of grandeur. It’s rare anyone goes down there – well, there’s hardly any call to. However, a couple of weeks ago I had reason to delve into its murky depths. Oddly, the journey to the Archives was in direct response to another nightmare – a surprise audit visit from the UK Visas and Immigration Office. It turned out a letter about the visit had come through on the previous Friday, but this had ended up as a coaster under Evie’s new flying monkey mug. On receiving a phone call from the inspectors a few hours before their arrival on the Monday we located the aforementioned rogue letter and went into
swift action. The letter was quite clear. The visit would involve checking all right-to-work documents for a sample of the workforce and a further check for all those working with a visa. As I explained to the team the purpose of the visit it dawned on me that I was the only one who had experience of a UKVI visit; indeed, this became clear when Jace began outlining what he believed the audit would entail which seemed like a mash-up of an episode of Border Control and Columbo – “just one more thing”. I was able to reassure them that there would be no searching of drawers or pat- downs, and that the only uncomfortable thing would be visiting the Archives to find copies of paperwork. We had to find records for thirty new starters chosen for audit and pull together the documents for inspection; sadly, 23 of these were in the Archives. So, clad in fleeces, thick socks and fingerless gloves, and armed with a family-size pack of Crumbitt’s Crunchtastics and a large flask of tea, Jace, Tom, Billie and I set off. Imagine four ice poles in some snow with a freezing gust of wind blowing over them – that was us. The temperature is permanently freezing so it was more of an endurance challenge than a simple office task. Of course, we four explorers eventually emerged triumphant. However, some of the copy documents had become a little damp and were now illegible in parts – Jace insisted it was the excessive damp, but I maintain he knocked the flask over more than once. Inspector June arrived an hour later
– so, just enough time to thaw out. She was truly lovely; well, how can you not like someone who prioritises a cup of tea over immediately starting work? We hit it off straight away, so I actually enjoyed spending the afternoon with her going through the records as she tapped away on her laptop. At the end of the audit I was called for a debrief and informed that there were no areas of concern and the team should be proud of their record keeping. There were, however, two improvement suggestions: firstly, that a checklist be created and signed off for each starter in order to record which documents had been checked; and secondly, that some heating be installed in the Archives (which I definitely couldn’t argue with). Mr Crumbitt was delighted with the result, and immediately called the engineering department to get on with installing heating both to fulfil the audit requirements but also by way of a thank you to his still-thawing payroll team. My own thanks to the team was in the form of a massive chocolate cake and a hearty (now warm) hug all round. As always, these types of visits leave me a little on edge but serve to remind me of what a great, supportive team I have and that good processes, good training and good motivation will always see them (and me) right. o The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | July/August 2019 | Issue 52 52
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