Ashby Law - February 2020

FEBRUARY 2020

ASHBY LAW A PACIFIC NORTHWEST FAMILY LAW FIRM

509-396-6776

www.PNWFamilyLaw.com

Increase Love in Your Home Communicate in the Right Love Language

February can be a fun month to spend with loved ones, but for many, it can be more of a solitary experience. When this happens, we need to think less about the love we receive and more about the love we give. After all, the more positivity we extend to others, the more we receive ourselves. Some call it karma and others call it the law of reciprocity. But it’s not just about showing our love; it’s also about the language we show it in. My wife is reading about the five love languages, which can give you an idea of how to give love to others. The five languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. So, it ultimately doesn’t matter if you think you’re expressing love if you’re not showing it in the other person’s love language. Think of it as a radio signal: A message must be sent to the receiver at the right frequency. Of course, the receiver is the one listening for the message, but the broadcaster needs to ensure the message is clear and also broadcast at the right frequency. With love, the only thing we can control is how our message is delivered, not how it’s received. For some, gifts like chocolates or flowers are great, but for others, it may not be the best. It doesn’t even have to be a grand gesture, either — something as small as doing the dishes when it isn’t your turn goes a long way. If they simply appreciate quality time, an intimate dinner for date night is a great way to show your affection. It can be hard, though, to express love for another person if there has been hostility in the past. When this is the case, it’s best to have a grateful, loving attitude because it benefits everyone. It may be surprising to discover what issues can be resolved and how much happiness this mentality can bring about for everyone involved. For example, we had a client who was worried her divorce would cause animosity between herself and her in-laws. It was one of the most troubling things for our client during the entire process. The in-laws were the grandparents to her child, and the last thing she wanted was to hurt the relationship between them. We coached her to express gratitude to her in-laws. She then called the grandmother and explained that she hoped the separation wouldn’t destroy the relationship, and she wanted the grandmother in the kid’s life. We had another case where the two parties were picking on each other during litigation. It was making the process a bit difficult, and it was hurting both sides of the situation. To help alleviate this, we suggested

showing gratitude and having a positive attitude next time the client picked up the children. When the client picked up their children, he looked the mother of his kids straight in the eye and said: “I’m glad you’re in our kid’s lives, and I’m glad you’re their mother.” It was a watershed moment. It was the last thing before we settled the case, and we were able to get past the emotional side of the case.

This doesn’t mean you have to reconcile, but expressing love and friendship makes a world of difference.

We’re in a world where we talk a lot about self-love and taking care of ourselves first. It’s essential to have high self-esteem, but we can’t be truly happy if we put ourselves as our main priority. If you can identify the type of love language our loved ones prefer and maintain a grateful mindset, we can experience an increase in self-love, friendships, and connections with your family.

–Zach Ashby

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