TA LK IN G IT OVER with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
C A N I EVER DO ENOUGH? Q. I am happy to tell you that I have no very serious problem. God has richly blessed me with a Christian husband and th r e e small healthy boys. We have our ups and downs as most families do, but with under standing and p ra y e r, th e s e get straightened out. We are all active in church work and attendance. My small problem is that 1 feel 1 don’t do enough for the Lord in the way of witnessing to friends and neighbors and in doing church work. There are so many people with trials and problems that I wish I could in some way help them. But sometimes I find it is just impossible. There is just not enough time. Being a home maker and keeping my husband and children happy is about a full-time Christian witnessing job in itself. Why do I feel guilty about not doing more for the Lord? Is there ever a time when we can say, “ Well, now I’ve done enough for the Lord?’’ I have always felt that we could never do enough or give enough of our talents, money, and ourselves. But our physical bodies can do just so much and that is all. At night I go to sleep feeling guilty about not do ing enough for the Lord that day. What advice do you have for me? A . Of course no one can ever do enough for the Lord. He’s done everything for us and each of us should devote his life to living and working for Him. Most of us could do a lot more if we only realized how important our work for the Lord Jesus Christ is — in the light of eternity. Through the years, however, I have found that many people are substi tuting “works” for “ resting.” God wants us more than He wants our works. When He has our full devo tion, He will also have our “works.” I have observed many times, too, that when people feel insecure and unworthy, they tend to want to “work” in order to feel worthwhile and justified — accepted. This usual ly stems from deep, ingrained feel ings which developed for many years as they were growing up. Such peo ple have usually been reared by par ents who perhaps unwittingly showed love and affection to their sons and
Dr. Narramoro, graduate at Columbia University, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of one of America's
largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling center in Rosemead, California.
daughters if and when the son or daughter did well or behaved in a certain way. These children grew up with a feeling that in order to meas ure up in life and to gain the ap proval of other people, they had to “ do” things. Perhaps this applies to you. There is a reason why you feel you have to keep doing, and it may very well be that your feeling you have not done enough is a result of either not resting in the Lord or not trying to compensate for feelings of unworthiness and insecurity. What’s the solution? Basically, it is this: if possible, talk to a pastor or a Christian counselor and come to understand the causes of your feelings. Then turn to the Word of God, and day by day ask Him to meet this need. He will do just that! FR A N T IC FATHER Q. Sometimes I just hate my four- year-old boy because he is so nasty, rude, unreasonable, and contemptible. I know that I am lacking in feeling for him, but you don’t know how he is. He drives my wife and me crazy. Our other child could be disciplined. He responded to punishment and was sorry and a better boy after a whip ping. This boy defies us in spite of hard whippings, threa ts, coaxing, pampering, psychology, f l a t t e r y , force, and so on. The only two things to which he responds are fear of the “ bogey man” and darkness. For instance, the only way to get him out of a room against his will is to turn out the light. He seems at times to be these: brilliant, stup id , demon-possessed, sweet. He never sits still. You can’t read to him or tell him a story. He butts in and wants to tell it. He con tinually bounces against the back of chairs. He won’t sit nicely on our
laps. His idea of a good time is to turn the sweeper on or to turn the TV off, then bounce on the chairs or davenport. He is continually into things — wants to take everything apart. He has blown fuses and removed bulbs from refrigerators and ovens since he was two. He loves to lock some one in a room or turn the lights out when we start upstairs. He slams doors on us. He won’t eat properly. His table manners are atrocious. He throws things. He is a regular demon when you take him along shopping. He asks questions — questions — questions! He demands attention when he talks and screams if he doesn’t get it. Devotions are almost impossible with him around. His sleeping habits are terrible. He’s in and out of our bed all night. He’s at his worst when he’s sleepy. We could rock our other child — but not this one. It takes about 100% of our attention to baby-sit him. He has a good mechanical mind and a good memory. Sometimes I have the urge to pound him to pieces. We do love our children. It would be less frustrating if we didn’t. We have prayed much about this problem. Pray for us and consider our plea for help. A . This letter moves me tremendous ly. Let me say to you, however, that you have just taken your first big step in helping your boy: you have admitted the problem and asked for assistance. We find that about 70% of all the children coming to our clin ics have neurological impairment. Naturally, I do not know the causes of your son’s behavior, but I suggest you bring him to one of our clinics. We will give him psychological and medical tests, then based upon our clinical findings, give the help indi cated.
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TH E KING'S BUSINESS
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