A GRAPHIC 28 DAY STORM Written and Illustrated by Zoe Stone and Curated by Madeline Cash
1. It’s follicle time! Your endometrium is thick and so are you. If you feel like crawling back into bed, it’s because you’ve never been less sexually desirable. This is a great time to start binging and purging. 2.The Gospel of Mark tells us Christ only bled for six hours on the cross—you’re not so lucky, Day 2! Your underwear is ruined and so is your skin, but some studies say your spatial skills are at their best (use them to find your way to methamphet- amines!).
If your heart is telling you to open-mouth kiss your nail technician, listen to it. She only wants the best for you.
9.Your metabolism is high, Day 9! This is the only time you should be saying ‘yes’ to indulgent dinner plans. Still make a big show of it online so people don’t think you have an eating disorder. 10.If you’re not reaching for that Amitriptyline today, you can thank that estradiol push- ing down your adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones—um,
3.Estrogen + progesterone are still no- where to be found, Day 3. If you’re getting some bottom- less existential dread, it’s those little fluid-filled pockets growing in your ovaries. Focus on your mother’s imper- fections. 4.More bleed- ing! Be grateful, it’s literally a fucking miracle. 5.Okay, Day 5, you’re getting more estrogen now. It’s going to your prefron- tal cortex and amygdala to make you less demented.
toxic!). Throw those pills out, Day 10, you’re out of the woods. 11.Get waxed, Day 11! Asshole included. If you weren’t bisexual already, you are now. 12.Here comes your luteinizing hormone, Day 12! You’re more energized & creative. It’s a bad time to be the victim of intimate partner violence, and a great time for margaritas! 13.Cluck cluck! You’re about to lay an egg, Day 13. Keep that NuvaRing in, we both know you have no busi-
6.Baby steps, Day 6! You’re getting much more compe- tent now, but don’t write a book.This is a great time to remember no one should ever write a book! 7.Feeling frisky? You may not look it, but your tertiary follicle has been selected and your hormones are doing everything they can to make you hot enough to get laid. Be patient, moisturize. 8.It’s not called the proliferative phase for nothing, Day 8.
ness raising a child!
14.You’re not just a knockout today, Day 14, you’re also a fucking genius. Start having an affair with a man at least 5’11”. Buy something from West Elm. Let your boyfriend (either one) make a large investment and/or sports bet on your phone. Keep in mind, you should be taking Plan B every day this week.
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