Cannapages Jul/Aug 2023 Edition - West/Central Los Angeles

Vol 1. Edition 4

News from CannaTown

Page 11

Cannatown moves ahead with plan to purchase Greenland Cannatown News

I n an unexpected move, Cannatown city council proceeded forward with their plan to purchase Greenland for a minimal premium. An independent commission concluded their presentation Tuesday night prior to a vote, urging an immediate response to the Kingdom of Denmark’s Craigslist posting. “With all this talk, we down at city hall nally looked it up,” reported commission co-chair Wenda Ganjerson. “And the coun- try of Greenland was surprisingly within budget.” Despite early criticism

setting up a direct totally-high-speed rail. Regardless the sentiments, the council voted, 20-4 in favor. By Wednesday aer- noon, money had already been sent o, and if all goes according to the commission’s plan, Cannatown will assume full legal rights to Greenland as of next week. Denmark, however, did not respond to inquiries, and has reportedly not sent any ocial paperwork back. Meanwhile, the colloquial Greenland response has been mum too, as people and businesses have

been dicult to reach. Stan and Linda Feldman, proprieters of Godthåbhal- lens Pizza og Kebab House in Nuuk, insist they have not been notied of any such exchange in sovereignty, and to please stop

about whether the city would ever re- ally “do anything” with the mostly ice- covered wasteland, ocials deemed the project to be a “good direction” for Cannatown and “pretty dope to own a country.”

Harold Gort, councilman, voiced excite- ment about the opportunities for further growth. “We’ve already talked about putting a few coastal disc golf courses near Myggbukta and Qeqertarsuatsiaat.” Members also discussed a possible Fjord- sledding competition, and holidays on the illustrious Disko Island. “Really, this is some of the most beautiful, uninhabitable land on earth,” Gort told attendees. ose listening shared their own mixed feelings on the subject. One resident asked whether the city would ever be able to “bring Greenland nearer to us,” while a private sector representative inquired about DID YOU KNOW? is fall, the College of Squirelings at Cannatown University introduces a Sparkelier major program to teach the age-old art of smake stewardship.

calling unless you want a kebab. City councilwoman Sherri Xavier now worries that Denmark may not have received the funds, due to the way they requested a money order made out to some- one named Arlo, and sent to a P.O. box in Resinville. “ey’ve received the payment, now we're just waiting for a deed,” she not- ed. ere may be additional processing due to the deal she brokered with the kingdom, resulting in a drastic price-drop, a windfall for the buyer. “Instead of four payments of $1500, we got it all for a one-time payment of $419.99. Cyber deals, eh?”

FACT: Like sommeliers, the rst Sparkeliers did not not inhale during bowl-tasting. is tradition lasted approximately 20 seconds; the cradled cuspidor is now purely symbolic.

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