Senior men are from Mars from Terry Carroll ‘When women go on vacation, they pack everything they need. Men pack a few things, and when they arrive, they buy whatever they’re missing.’ So quipped outstanding salesman, remarkable community fundraiser and expert Kiwanis Club Fine Master, Bob
Nancy is a pro at adaptation. She was sure Shoppers Drug Mart carried over-the-counter mouthguards. Guided by Google Maps, we located a store open until midnight. Now, when it comes to pricing, seniors live in an alternate universe — a time when a driveable VW cost $400, a starter home $50,000, and when we were going to quit smoking if a pack of cigarettes ever went to a buck. I found $34.99 plus tax a tad expensive. But the packaging advertised ‘one size fits all’; good sleep is important, and I added a bag of trail mix to handle the munchies brought on by stress. Total bill: $60.65. Back at the Blue Moon by 8:30, we unwrapped the Life Brand Grind Guard packaging to discover ‘one size fits all’ only fits after you insert the Grind Guard in water that has been boiling for 15 seconds, then cool the soft plastic guard enough to fit it in your mouth. Do not use a microwave!, the instructions warned. A microwave being the sole source of ‘cooking’ in room at the Blue Moon, we had to improvise. According to the instructions, we needed a pan in which to boil water, a metal fork and a plate. Assisted by Google, we found a Walmart Supercentre open until 11. Around 10:30 pm, exhausted and $43.04 poorer, we returned to the Blue Moon with an electric kettle, a metal fork, a small Pyrex measuring glass, and a plate. I filled the kettle with water, inserted the glass upside-down on top of the metal heating plate at the bottom of the kettle and let it reach a rolling boil. With the metal fork, I dropped the Grind Guard onto the glass, left it for 15 seconds, drew it out with the metal fork and let it cool a little on the plate, then moulded it to my teeth. It worked. Was the adventure a bargain at the cost of 100 packs of cigarettes in 1970? I can’t say. I can say I am a man. If a man doesn’t pack everything, he pays for it when he arrives, sometimes in more than one sense. Terry can be reached at terry@carrollgroup.ca.
Heath, some twenty years ago. On the journey to becoming the man my lovely wife, Nancy always knew I could become (if I would only listen), Bob’s line lodged in my brain like the chorus of a sad song. I developed the habit of starting to jam clothes in my suitcase about an hour before departure. If I was missing something, I could always buy it when I arrived. However, I didn’t leave everything to the vagaries of memory. Not at all. I worked from a list. A distinction needs to be made between having a list and following that list to the letter, as I learned (once again, as if for the first time) on a gorgeous October evening. After a four-hour, leisurely afternoon drive, followed by supper at Boston Pizza, Nancy and I returned to the Blue Moon Motel in Niagara Falls. We were in town to celebrate our fifty-first wedding anniversary and ready to hit the sack early before exploring tourist traps on Saturday. During the unpacking ritual, it dawned on me that I was missing the $300+ mouth guard I insert nightly to prevent the grinding of teeth due to the stress of living a life of last-minute preparation, more commonly known as procrastination. Geoffrey Rae Managing Editor / Sales Geoff@villagerpublications.com • 519-495-7177 Copy Editor: Peter Bloch-Hansen Publisher: Barb Botten barb@villagerpublications.com Graphic Artist – Cathy Wood Photos, community events and article suggestions welcome. Please email hometown@villagerpublications.com. We look forward to hearing from you. oomers oomers B and EYOND B Copyright @ 2015 Villager Publications. All rights reserved. This magazine or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the Publisher. Information presented has been compiled from sources believed to be accurate at the time of printing however the Publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions.
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Page 14 Boomers and Beyond – Elgin • December 2024
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