Talking to children about dying and death Children who are close to the person who is dying may have many questions. How much you tell them will depend on how old they are. Very young children don’t always understand illness and older children may want to know more. Even very young children can tell when something is wrong, so try to be as open and honest as possible. Use clear language they can understand such as ‘dead’ or ‘died’. Terms such as ‘gone’ or ‘gone to sleep’ confuse and frighten children. You might feel that you are protecting them by not telling them what is going to happen, but research shows that children who are included and informed will be more prepared and have less anxiety afterwards. Children find it hard to take in too much information at once, so break it down for them. Take small steps and add a little to the story each time. Information about speaking with children about death and grief is available from our Irish Childhood Bereavement Network: www.childhoodbereavement.ie Touch You don’t always have to use words in order to communicate. Indeed, you may find it hard to find words for what you want to say to the dying person. Touch is a good way to let the person know you’re there. This simple act can be invaluable and may also be comforting for both of you.
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