Setting Boundaries for Your Teens
As children grow older, some tend to engage in more risky behaviors. They like to test their parents’ patience and limits to see what they can actually get away with. But when you establish boundaries with your older children, it can set them up for success and teach them a thing or two about responsibility. Creating Boundaries That Reflect Your Values You cannot simply say the rules — your actions must reinforce them if you want them to be followed. They must also reflect the positive values that mean the most to you, as they will influence how your children see you. The clearer your values are, the easier it is to express and communicate them to your older kids, and the more likely they are to follow along with the boundaries that respect those values.
Here is a list of core family values to consider:
• Positive relationships — whether that be with family members, friends, coworkers, or even strangers • Priorities — define what matters to your family first • Honesty — creating a judgment-free space to be open and speak freely • Responsibility — taking accountability for one’s mistakes • Respect — learning how to communicate boundaries effectively Be Supportive, Not Enabling Supporting someone is helping them do something they might not be able to do themselves in the right conditions, whereas enabling is stepping in and mitigating consequences that would otherwise be a result of a negative choice. Enabling is an undesirable behavior that can
occur when parents give in to complaints or demands to avoid conflict. Instead of avoiding possible conflict, it’s best to support your older children while they navigate through your rules. Allow them to have questions or make mistakes. That way you can provide a framework where they have the ability to act and make decisions on their own. Setting rules or boundaries for your older kids is an essential tool that aids in their development. Over time, the process will help lay the foundations for them to become self-regulating adults.
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