To the people of all genders who are sexual abuse survivors or in a relationship with one, I say this: Do not ignore it because it will not go away. It will snuggle in between you and your partner each night, it is the third person in your relationship, it is making many of your relationship and parenting decisions, and eventually, it can completely erode anything good that exists in your relationship. Have honest and hard conversations and do the healing work. The only way to stop the trauma from becoming intergenerational is to end it with you. you loved Mom in every possible way that she would allow until the day she died. I love and honour you for staying with her through those incredibly dark years. And I acknowledge, with a heavy heart, that you too carried the burden of shame, rejection and humiliation in secret and in silence. Thank you for honouring me by sharing your story in those long conversations at Spur. Your and Mom’s courage enables my purpose-driven life each day. As a mother, wife, and social scientist I must raise a red flag on the issue of the potentially lifelong, destructive forces inherent in the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse. These are not events that have passed and are awaiting some magic moment when healing can begin. Victims are haunted by their experiences every single day for the rest of their lives. When kept in secrecy and shame, those experiences at best, erode love, empathy and compassion, and at worst destroy the lives of the partners who are deprived of the opportunity to acknowledge the impacts of the hurt and seek help. When it is not addressed, the legacy of abuse is taking its place between the couple each night, making relationship and parenting decisions and undermining the very foundation of that relationship every single day. To my dad: I see you. I absolutely know you did the very best you could. I know that there was very little help available to you as a brown man, and I know
The only way to stop the trauma from becoming intergenerational is to end it with you.
Made with FlippingBook. PDF to flipbook with ease