An alternate view on the advancement of the GBV mediation legislation - continued
“Many find it very difficult to understand why a woman would allow or put up with an abusive relationship. Those who have not experienced domestic violence may assume that termination of the relationship would equal termination of the violence. That is not always the case, however. The separation process can sometimes signal an abrupt increase in violence; the most dangerous time for women in abusive relationships is when they are in the process of attempting to separate physically or legally. Research has indicated that the frequency and severity of abusive attacks increases just prior to or during the time that they have made the decision to leave or to separate (Geffner & Pagelow, 1990; Dutton, 1994; Pearson, 1997).” “Since domestic violence is a frequent problem in family mediation (Pearson, 1997), family mediators need to look for the potential for domestic violence even though both parties may deny it. When there are descriptions of fighting and confrontation, calling the police, hiding from him, or seeking shelter with friends or family members, these are signals of abuse in the relationship that should not be ignored by the mediator.”
“Mediators need to be alert to the common occurrence of minimizing domestic violence and reframing the intentions of the abuser. Victims regularly erase the violence against them by glossing over the reality of violence in their descriptions, or leaving out significant aspects of the violent episodes. Battered women may also assign innocent intentions to the abusive partner, convincing themselves and others that it was only an accident or he did not intend to cause pain (Cobb, 1997). Women often tend to deny their suffering while the abusers deny their culpability.” “Family violence is a manifestation of generations of culturally learned behavior and attitudes that place aggression and dominance on par with leadership and success. Galtung (1996) sees violence as either direct, such as killing or inflicting injury, or structural, such as exploitation, repression, and marginalization of individuals or groups. Structural violence is “built into” society and condoned and legitimized through generations of traditions. Examples of ways we have legitimized violence and the male’s dominance over the woman are in attitudes such as “the man rules the roost” and “a man’s home is his castle”. Our society glamorizes the military, which is traditionally male and traditionally violent. Mediators who are dealing with conflicted couples need to be aware of their own feelings about gender roles, power and violence in order to perceive the issues objectively.”
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November 2023 | Collective Action Magazine
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