Sullivan Taylor & Gumina April 2018

AN INTERVIEW WITH JOHN GOLL, LMFT

Northern Illinois Men’s Counseling

WHY DID YOU BECOME A LICENSED MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST? In the process of my divorce and the difficult recovery period afterward, I began to see the

toward positive and constructive co-parenting partnerships that can make the best of the difficult process of divorce.

WHAT TYPES OF SERVICES DO YOU OFFER?

I offer individual and couple’s counseling for many kinds of personal and relationship issues. My individual focus is with men, simply because I appreciate that men are often ill-equipped for intimate relationships. Our culture doesn’t teach men how to do it, so they tend to respond poorly when things go wrong. With couples, I use a method known as Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, which is the most thoroughly researched and validated method for healing couple relationships. I also occasionally offer group therapy for men who are struggling with all aspects of relationships. First, sit down with a qualified counselor who specializes in couple’s therapy. Give the process enough time to allow you both to evaluate where the relationship went wrong and what, if anything, you need to do to repair it. Take the time to honestly look at your own role in the deterioration of the relationship. This information will be critical to either repair the relationship or to go through the uncoupling process in a way that will be civil, respectful, and as healthy and painless as possible for the children. Avoid starting another relationship while you are in the process of counseling, separation, or divorce. If you are already in another relationship, consider putting it “on hold” while you sort things out with your partner. The easiest way to learn about me and my practice is through my website, which contains a good deal of information about how I work, who I am, and what you can expect. I welcome calls and emails with questions or requests for more information. When you are ready, you can use the online scheduling tool at my website to see my available appointment times. From there, you can select and schedule whatever time works best for you without having to play phone tag with me. You can find my website at www.NorthernIllinoisMensCounseling.com. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE COUPLES CONSIDERING A DIVORCE? HOW CAN PEOPLE LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU OR CONTACT YOU?

ways I had contributed to — and even set up — the downfall of my marriage. Like many, I wanted to blame my problems on other people, but I was helped to see the part I had played and how I made the process more difficult. The heartbreak of watching the pain my daughter and ex-wife went through — pain that neither of them deserved — inspired me to do what I can to help others minimize the damage of a divorce. The hard work and deep satisfaction of my second marriage drove home the importance of owning the ways I contributed to the dysfunction in my first marriage and doing whatever it took to change that pattern in my next relationship. Ultimately, all of us function better now — we’re more successful and far healthier when we are in loving, secure, and supportive relationships. Science has shown that all of us function better, we have more success and better health when we are in loving, secure, and supportive relationships. I made it my goal to help people achieve that. I find deep satisfaction in watching men and women become aware of their negative patterns of conflict and realize how their usual coping strategies undermine their most important relationships. As they take responsibility for their part in interactions with their partners, they move become more empowered and less victim-like. They start working together in less reactive and hurtful ways. This shift is vital in repairing relationships, and it can make the uncoupling process less painful. I help people heal and strengthen their relationships to reach new levels of satisfaction and commitment, or to move WHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST ABOUT YOUR WORK?

2 www.stglawfirm.com

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