“...asexuality is frequently misunderstood, disbelieved, ridiculed, and/or seen as a problem to be ‘cured.”
Allosexuality can be understood in contrast to asexuality, and refers to regularly experiencing sexual attraction in ways that are widely seen as universal and ‘natural.’ The assumption that all people are allosexual is part of what asexuality studies scholars have termed compulsory sexuality . 7 Compulsory sexuality i s a framework that illustrates how these assumptions, as well as related societal practices and norms, “marginalize various forms of non-sexuality… and compel people to experience themselves as desiring subjects, take up sexual identities, and engage in sexual activity.” 8 For ace people, navigating the beliefs and worldviews created by compulsory sexuality can be especially challenging. Many ace people report experiences of invisibility and marginalisation because asexuality is frequently misunderstood, disbelieved, ridiculed, and/or seen as a problem to be ‘cured.’ 9 This can happen in both ‘straight’ and ‘queer’ settings, often leaving ace people with a sense of ‘placeless-ness.’ 10 More than this, compulsory sexuality impacts (and restricts) how we as a society collectively understand sexuality, relationships, and intimacy. In this way, compulsory sexuality affects not only ace people, but everyone, by shaping what is considered ‘normal’ in ways that can often go unnoticed by allosexual people. 11 In Ireland, these norms can also show up in ways that feel uniquely ‘Irish.’ 12 During research that I undertook for my Master’s, I spoke to ace people across the country who described how living in Ireland impacted their experiences of being ace and navigating compulsory sexuality in various ways. Some, for example, discussed how a still-widespread societal silence/taboo around the topic of sex seemed to reinforce the (unspoken) assumption that sexuality must be an intrinsic element of all people’s lives – despite, or indeed because of, the fact that sexuality was so rarely discussed. Related to this, others talked about how coming to an asexual identity was at first difficult for them to understand, because they thought their asexuality must just be a symptom of ‘Catholic guilt’ and/or lingering societal sexual repression. At the same time, ace people’s experiences could be impacted by more progressive Irish attitudes towards sexuality as well. Some of the people that I interviewed described how well-meaning attempts to push back against a sexually repressive cultural past could also inadvertently invalidate their experiences by emphasising the universality and ‘naturalness’ of sex and sexual attraction. In the context of Ireland after Marriage Equality, others shared how being asexual now felt, in certain ways, even more outside of the new ‘norm’ than some other LGBTQ+ sexualities. In this way, feeling ‘out of place’ could occur both in relation to ‘traditional’ Irish views of sexuality, and also within the context of a so-called ‘new Ireland’ that is becoming more open about sexuality and accepting of sexual diversity. Learning about asexuality and discovering the ace community is thus often a transformative experience for ace people in terms of their sense of belonging, as well as their own understandings of their identities. 13 Ace people that I spoke to in previous research described how meaningful it was to encounter spaces where they felt validated and understood, including spaces with allosexual friends or family members who supported and listened to them. They also further emphasised that in-person ‘ace spaces’ were (or would be) especially impactful to them as ace people living in Ireland, where they felt peripheral to the already
Space
to be Ace Experiences of Asexuality & Compulsory Sexuality in Ireland by Rachel Bayer (She/her)
relatively small global ace community that has been largely centred in the USA and UK. This included being in spaces like dedicated ace meet-up groups, but also moments like seeing an ace flag at Pride or ace representation in local LGBTQ+ groups/settings. For those who had met other ace people in Ireland in ‘real life,’ they described it as “a revelation” to know that they were not alone, and that there were other ace people around them sharing the same spaces and geographic/cultural context. Indeed, as they reflected on their experiences as ace people in Ireland, the importance of making more space to be ace was something that they repeatedly brought up as a hope and wish for the future. This could mean creating more opportunities for ace people to meet one another and connect across the country, as well as working towards greater societal understanding of asexuality so that ace people might encounter more spaces in their daily lives where they feel ‘in place.’ We still know very little about the lives of ace people in Ireland, and there is more work to be done to answer the question of how asexuality is understood and experienced in an Irish context today. Research surrounding space and place is one way to develop insights into ace people’s still-underexplored lives in Ireland (and beyond), including how the norms of compulsory sexuality can show up in ways that vary based on where we are. Exploring the unique experiences of ace people in Ireland thus offers opportunities to both contribute towards greater understanding of the diverse spectrum of asexualities around the world, and also to create spaces that challenge compulsory sexuality by amplifying and affirming ace people’s voices, stories, and perspectives.
Contemporary definitions of asexuality began to take shape in the late 1990s and early 2000s, facilitated by online forums such as the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) website, where asexual people could virtually come together to discuss their experiences and identities. 1 These online spaces were, and continue to be, predominately used by English- speaking people in the Global North (particularly the USA, UK, and Canada), and so it’s important to remember that the development of these definitions have been shaped by people living in those places. 2 Today, the term and identity label asexual (or ace) is often read as a spectrum that refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction. The asexual spectrum includes identities such as graysexual and demisexual, which refer to people who rarely experience sexual attraction, or those who sometimes do, but only after a close emotional connection has been formed. 3 Because asexuality generally refers to a lack of sexual attraction, rather than sexual behaviour, ace people have diverse feelings and experiences surrounding sex. For some, the idea of having sex might
be repulsive, and they have no desire to engage in any sexual activity. For others, having sex may be something that they are indifferent about, or perhaps enjoy for a variety of reasons such as feeling close with a partner, needing physical release, or because it feels good to them. 4 The ace community has been central to developing new language to describe and ‘split’ the various types of attraction that people can feel beyond the sexual, including emotional, romantic, aesthetic, sensual, and platonic – and how these can be oriented in different ways. 5 Some ace people are also aromantic (or aro ), which refers to experiencing little or no romantic attraction. While asexuality and aromanticism are distinct concepts and identities that do not necessarily overlap, the ace and aro communities share important connections in terms of the challenges they pose to societal expectations about what types of relationships are valued and considered ‘normal.’ 6
Asexuality is often viewed as something ‘new,’ yet asexual people have existed and been here forever. And although awareness and visibility of asexuality are now slowly beginning to increase, there is still relatively little known about the global diversity of the asexual (ace) community or what it’s like to be ace in different parts of the world. The experience of being an ace person in Cork, for example, is not necessarily the same as it is in New York, London, or elsewhere. In my research, I explore how ace people’s lives and identities are impacted by where they are in various ways. From here, a question emerges, which is how is asexuality understood, lived, and experienced in Ireland today?
Rachel Bayer is an ace researcher living in Dublin, where she is completing a PhD in the School of Geography at UCD. If you are interested in participating in Rachel’s current project exploring the everyday spatial experiences of ace people living in Ireland, you can reach her at rachel.bayer@ucdconnect.ie.
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