FINAL THOUGHTS
PROTECT YOUR TIME
Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days. - ZIG ZIGLAR
Protect Yourself (and Your Time) With Boundaries
by Julie Ziglar Norman
ost of us know people who are chronic complainers. As each day arrives, it becomes the worst day of their life. If they felt any worse, they wouldn’t be alive. When they call, your phone rings in an ominous tone. And as luck (bad, that is) would have it, they are your friend or, even worse, your relative. Day after day, week after week, you lis- ten to their constant complaining. They plead, “I don’t know what to do. I just can’t go on like this.” You dutifully offer a stream of logical suggestions about how to improve their circumstances. They agree - and then do nothing about it. You’ve been “nice” as long as you can. You have sincerely pondered and sought possible solutions for your friend/rela- tive, but your patience has run out. This person is now encroaching on your peace of mind and hurting your pro- ductivity in the process. What now? I have a real-life example that I share with the permission of my mother: I married my first husband, despite my parent’s objections, when I was only 18. M
time I called my mother, my conver- sation was light. Mom had placed a “healthy boundary” where it needed to be, and even though it was difficult for her to initiate, she knew the pain she felt when I described my troubles wasn’t doing anyone, including me, any good. All the talking in the world, all the support in the world, all the love and caring in the world, cannot make any- thing better unless someone is willing to take action to change the situation that is causing their unhappiness. If a certain name came to mind as you read my example, you probably need to set your own boundaries. Know when helping means getting out of the way and refusing to participate in the senseless rehashing of nev- er-changing circumstances. This clarity will help you make the most of your time both in business and your personal life. •
Shortly thereafter, the problems started. I began calling Mom to unload all my woes. She listened attentively and offered several potential solutions based on her own experience in life and marriage. As my problems escalated, so did the number of desperate phone calls I made to mom. I didn’t realize it at the time, but her anxiety about my welfare escalated in direct pro- portion to the number of calls I made. Eventually, my mother realized she could not do anything to help a daughter who wanted sympathy instead of solutions. The next time I called her, again with the same sad song, she told me how much she loved me, how much she wanted me to be happy and how sad it made her that I was unhappy in my marriage. She went on to explain it hurt her deeply to hear of all my grief and turmoil and that she had tried her best to help, but that she couldn’t listen to my complaints anymore. Mom told me until I was ready to take positive action and make some changes, she would not be speaking to me about that subject again. I was stunned into silence. The next
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Julie Ziglar Norman is a realtor with Prime Properties Realty. She believes in “Investing Simplified,” and may be reached at 817-233-8444 or julie@pprtx.com.
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