The Pronoun Field Guide Lots of cultures use pronouns in different ways. In French, inanimate objects are referred to as male or female arbitrarily. In Swahili, there are 18 grammatical genders! In English, there are traditionally three grammatical genders. In all these languages, pronouns are used as a tool to convey essential information about who we’re talking to, or who we’re talking about. Just like names, pronouns are some of the essential information we need to know when we meet someone new, and using the right pronouns is about respect, truth and equality for people of all genders. Where to start? Ask! It can be scary to start asking people for their pronouns for fear of offending. Did you know that people who get called the wrong pronouns report feelingsof distress, anger, frustrationandsadness? Asking the question shows the world that you are an ally, and lets people know that you’re a safe and welcoming person to get to know. If someone is transitioning, or if you made an assumption upon meeting someone, it’s always a good idea to ask again! Try this: • “Hello my name is (–––) and my pronouns are (–––). What are your name and pronouns?” • “Let’s start this meeting by introducing ourselves with our name and pronouns.” • “What are your pronouns?” Avoid: - “What pronouns do you use?” Phrasing the question like this can make it sound like someone’s pronouns are a costume they take on or off, but people’s pronouns are an important part of their identity whether or not they were the pronouns they were given at birth. Instead, see the third example above for proper phrasing. - “Are you a man or a woman?” This question can be very confrontational and can force a nonbinary person into an uncomfortable position. Pronouns aren’t necessarily tied to someone’s identity, so always ask the questions above. If you ask about pronouns during an introduction, you may be surprised with the answer you get. This is not an invitation to ask someone about their transition or for an explanation. Discussing these details are often too intimate for an introduction and can make your new acquaintance uncomfortable. Would you ask any other new acquaintance about their body or question them on their personal choices? Instead, keep the conversation appropriate to the situation at hand and consider this person Transgender people can use any pronouns but, in general, a trans woman (a person assigned male at birth but who identifies as female) or a trans man (a person assigned female at birth but who identifies as male) will use the pronouns of their identifying gender (she/her for a trans woman, he/him for a trans man). Try This: - “Thomas wants a trans flag. I’ll be buying him one for his birthday.” - “I like Sandra’s new hair. She’s been growing it out, and long hair really suits her.” someone you’d like to get to know better! She/Her/Hers and He/ Him /His
Avoid: - Never use “they/them” to refer to someone who has said their pronouns are she/her or he/him. Always use the pronouns that someone told you to use. They/Them/Theirs These pronouns are often used by nonbinary or gender non- conforming people. They can be used in two ways: 1) They for a Singular Person Use the plural “they” for anyone who has told you their pronouns are for they/them/theirs. Use the same grammar as you’d use if you were talking about a group of people. Example: - “Jordan is going to be in the Pride festival this year. They are excited about walking. I know this has been a dream of theirs. I wish them luck. - “I’m excited to meet Sarah, they’re an accomplished businessperson, and I look up to them and their work.” 2) They for a Group of Various Genders, or a Person of Unknown Gender Use plural they for someone who you haven’t asked about pronouns yet, and never make an assumption. Replace the phrases “him or her” and “his/hers” with they and theirs, it’s more inclusive and grammatically correct. Example: - “I’m excited to meet Sarah, they’re an accomplished businessperson, and I look up to them and their work.” - “Everyone should be dressed formally, in a dress or suit, depending on their preference.” Neo-pronouns Neo-pronouns is a term used to refer to any pronouns created after the 20th century. Below are just two examples of neo-pronouns, but you may encounter someone who uses something else. Xey/Xem/Xyr These pronouns are pronounced like “zey, zem, zeir” and are grammatically similar to the plural “they” above. Example: - “Xey are getting xyr hiking gear ready for our trip tomorrow!” Ze/hir and ze/zir These pronouns are grammatically similar to “he/him/his” and “she/her/hers” above. Example: - “Ze went to the farmers market to get zirself some strawberries.” Pronouns, Pronouns Everywhere! Now that you know about some of the most used pronouns, you can be an ally by creating space for pronouns everywhere! You can add your pronouns to your e-mail signature, your business card, and create space for them on nametags. It
might take you some practice to get used to using pronouns in a new way, but keep an open mind, be ready to apologize for mistakes and never be afraid to ask! You’ll find yourself learning more and being a good ally for people of all genders.
Issue 4 • Spring 2020 Page 3 To advertise here, please contact Barb@VillagerPublications.com
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