Amanda’s Journey At fifty-five years of age, I opened up to family, friends and clients about a secret. I came out to my small world that I was really a woman, not a male as was wrongly assumed for a lifetime. I was four the first time I spoke the words, “I am a girl”. I was told that people who made such claims were sent to hospitals for “treatment”. I
I started to believe that meeting the right girl, getting married and having a family would be enough. I met a woman I loved and began my life as a husband and father. We had a daughter and two sons, and everything seemed good.
My wife and I grew apart and in our twenty-fifth year of marriage, I asked for a separation, which lead to our divorce. The female in me reawakened with a vengeance. With the help of doctors and a therapist, I decided to socially and physically transition to female. Coming out was a mixture of euphoria and fear. The therapist referred me to a transgender support group. Immediately after my first group meeting, I told my sister. She became a great ally and helped me buy clothes, jewelry and makeup. Next, I told my adult children. I dreaded rejection however each of them accepted me. They were fantastic! I made a mistake by not telling their mother until a month later. She was understandably hurt by the news of my transition and angry for the delay after telling our children. My father had passed away and never knew about my gender identity issues. I wish I could have told him. He was a good man and I think he would not have rejected me. My mother didn’t take the news well and our relationship became strained. It was difficult hearing the negative things she would say, so I walked away. We haven’t spoken much since December 2015. Except for one sister who is two years older than me, I no longer have contact with my siblings. My nieces, nephews and cousins all took the news well. I owned my own business and I came out to my clients in October of 2014. Within a month, revenue dropped to zero. I was forced to close the business. I decided to go back school and began working on my Bachelor of Arts at Western. I graduated in October of 2018 and began to look for work. I have not been able to find a job. I would like to believe there are other reasons that interviews do not go well but, as a transgender woman, like other minorities, you come to recognize discrimination. I see it multiple times per week in laughter, insults, physical assaults and denial of service. It occurs everywhere. Life is much tougher than I thought it would be. What keeps me going is the elation I feel at finally being myself. I remain optimistic for the future but realistic in the obstacles and challenges of the present. I have made many true friends which makes life easier and met many people who accept me as I am.
decided to keep my secret and my pretend life as a male began. By age eight, my thoughts became dark and I began wishing I would die. I would wish on my birthday cake that I would not survive the year. In the early 1970s the news was covering a story about Dr. Rene Richards, another person like me! For the first time I felt I wasn’t alone. The story referenced other transgender people, like Christine Jorgensen. Suddenly I didn’t feel like an oddity and my variant gender identity was real. Girls became most of my friends however I had no interest in dating girls. Showing an interest in boys was out of the question. I lived in Woodstock, a conservative town. Leaving Woodstock for London to attend Fanshawe College offered no reprieve. After graduation, I intended to save money to go to Thailand to undergo a full transition to female. Unfortunately, the costs were much higher than I hoped. Much later I found out that OHIP was covering surgeries here in Ontario.
PRIDE Villager
Page 6 Issue 4 • Spring 2020
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