Vol 9. Edition 2
News from CannaTown
Page 9
Cannatown News
CITYRETHINKS POPSICLE-STICKCONSTRUCTIONPLANS
It took nearly two years, thirteen metric tons of ganj, 100 workers, and roughly two trillion popsicle sticks, but the Golden Goat bridge, once thought a feat of engineering, came down in just seconds when a large box kite struck it yesterday a ernoon. Nobody quite remembers how it was decided the bridge would be built with sticks, or who was really in charge, but blueprints originally created for the project suggested the bridge would be able to hold both trol- leys and cars, even when packed bumper to bumper. Instead, a brisk wind and ock of migrating birds damaged the bridge well before the ribbon-cutting ceremony had even concluded. en, moments later, it was fatally struck by the kite. “We probably shouldn’t have used Elmer’s Glue,” engineer Holly Zimmerman said when asked for comment, “or paperclips, when we ran out of glue.” e sticks themselves were always a point
of contention with the public, as many were delivered to the construction site, popsicles still intact. “ e melting treats accounted for the signicant number of rodents and ght- ing seagulls in the neighborhood,” explained City Council member Tim Gonzalez. In ad- dition, the cables holding up the bridge were simply recycled ethernet cords. “In retrospect, if we had to do it all over again, I think we would probably have made the sticks bigger,” Zimmerman said. “Maybe a few trillion tongue-depressors would’ve been more stable.” Similar to the collapse of the papier mâché Bricklyn Bridge, a mess now consumes much of the riverfront, with no end in sight to the clean up. Citizens--and city o cials alike-- don’t know what exactly to do with the sticks, although some have suggested a giant bon- re. “ is will go down in history unfortu- nately,” Gonzalez acknowledged. “But for the record, the materials were relatively cheap.”
Made with FlippingBook Learn more on our blog