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W hat ’ s the O ne Q uestion D riving Y our E ntire L ife ? ‘THE SEVEN PRIMAL QUESTIONS’ PROVIDES INSIGHT
OCTOBER 2025
Before I had kids, I loved to read. There was no better way to relax and wind down than by getting lost in a fiction novel. As most parents know, your energy levels and free time diminish considerably once kids enter the picture. I don’t get much opportunity to read for pleasure anymore, and when I do, I usually fall asleep before I can even turn the first page! However, I still make an effort to read or listen to self-improvement and business books whenever I get the chance. Since October is National Book Month, I’d love to share a little about a recent read that left a big impression on me. “The Seven Primal Questions” by Mike Foster emphasizes important questions that have the potential to drive our decisions and overall direction in life. Each of us has a driving force behind every choice we make, and that force is connected to one of these seven critical questions. Let’s take a closer look at each one. AM I SAFE? Those driven by safety tend to prioritize their own and their loved ones’ security above all else. They don’t enjoy surprises and want to control most situations to ensure physical and emotional safety. When things are going well, they can be a healing presence to everyone around them, but during chaotic moments out of their control, they may feel intense anxiety or stress. AM I SECURE? While this might sound similar to the first question, it’s actually all about providing for yourself and others. Individuals driven by security tend to worry about having enough money and resources to live as they see fit. They can be great providers, but when money gets tight, stress levels increase significantly. AM I LOVED? Do you feel like you give all of yourself to your loved ones? Then this is likely your driving question. These individuals want nothing more than to be loved; the thought of being dismissed or ignored sends shivers down their spines. While they can be incredibly generous and kind, they tend to give in to people-pleasing behaviors. AM I WANTED? Nobody likes to be excluded from certain events or gatherings, but individuals who connect with this question will go out of their way to be involved. They’re often overly welcoming, accepting, and inclusive but can lose themselves when trying to appeal to others.
AM I SUCCESSFUL? This is a person who finds purpose and validation through successes at work, which can lead to confidence, strong focus, and well- developed problem-solving skills. However, the desire for success can lead this person to ignore other responsibilities. AM I GOOD ENOUGH? We’ve probably all asked ourselves this question at some point, but those driven by it crave being seen as good by others. They’re always trying to add value and improve other people’s lives, but they can also experience high levels of self-doubt. DO I HAVE A PURPOSE? We all need a purpose in life, but some will take it to the next level. Those driven by purpose tend to be imaginative and forward-thinking as they try to live a life with meaning. However, they can get lost in their direction and try many different routes to find their true purpose. This book allows you to glimpse inside yourself to see the driving force behind your actions and decisions. It gives you more self-clarity and can even open your eyes to why others make different choices. These driving questions are not inherently good or bad; it all depends on how you manifest them. After determining your driving force, you have to find a way to make it an asset in your life instead of a liability. From there, you can experience incredible growth.
When I started this book, I was absolutely positive my primal question was Am I Successful, but it turns out it’s Am I Safe.
What’s your primal question?
- Esther Vayman
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S trong S tarts
BAD PATCHES AND DAMAGING PRAISE Naturally, plenty of old-fashioned tough love balances the openness apparent in Danish parenting. Parents rarely shy away from addressing negative events, feelings, and circumstances head-on with their children. Suppose a Danish parent is having a rough day or is upset about unexpected bad news. In that case, they’re more likely to explain to their children why their disposition is darker than usual rather than bottling up these thoughts and shielding the little ones from reality. While talking things out is the norm in Denmark, overloading children with compliments is considered bad form. For example, studies suggest that constantly praising a child’s intelligence harms their self-worth when they encounter mentally challenging tasks later in life. Instead of working through these obstacles, they’re more likely to give up in frustration. To that end, Danish parents emphasize effort over accomplishment , helping children gain greater confidence in overcoming hurdles.
DENMARK’S SECRETS TO RAISING HAPPY KIDS
In a black-and-white world, Danes embrace the gray.
parent-child relationships in Denmark thrive because of how they apply each. Stringently nonviolent, Danish parenting focuses on the inherent goodness in all children and encourages independence, optimism, and honesty. For example, parents eschew “helicopter parenting” to allow their children to engage in playtime and other activities with as little intervention as possible. Practitioners believe granting their little ones this high level of freedom enables them to develop greater self-esteem and leadership skills than if they constantly dictate their actions and give strict directions. Additionally, Danish parenting stresses the importance of validating a child’s emotions instead of telling them how to feel. This ongoing encouragement to embrace and examine feelings likely enables Danish children to develop stronger self-trust and a clearer perception of the world around them.
The University of Oxford’s “World Happiness Report” cites Denmark as the second-happiest country behind Finland. Denmark clearly knows a thing or two about fostering a culture that prioritizes contentment and personal well-being. Not surprisingly, the rest of the world often looks to Denmark for inspiration to lead a more positive life. Regarding parenting, Danish citizens have crafted a philosophical and practical approach that could benefit children in countries far from their own. ATTITUDE DETERMINES ATTITUDE First and foremost, Danish parenting is a practice steeped in empathy, caring, communication, and respect. While these core tenets aren’t particularly revolutionary,
W e C an C onnect Y ou W ith the P rofessionals Y ou N eed OUR NETWORK WORKS FOR YOU Where do you go for information when you’re looking up new restaurants, entertainment options, or retail stores in our area? Do you use Yelp? expert in their county, and introduce them. We can also connect them with a mortgage broker as they begin the process of buying their new home.
Google? Word of mouth? What about needs that are slightly more personal and less common, such as a divorce attorney or therapist? You may not feel comfortable turning to family or friends for advice, but at the same time, you don’t want to make the wrong decision. At V&T, we see that many of our clients have needs other than what they retained our office for. For example, when someone hires us for a divorce, they often need to sell a house, reorganize their finances, re-do their will, and talk to a therapist. We do not want you to go cold-searching for experts. We have connections to great resources and can provide introductions. If a client knows their divorce will require them to sell their home and divide the equity, we will look into the many Realtors we work with, find an
When parties are divorced, their wills, or portions of the will, are always impacted. So we are also able to connect them with estate planning attorneys. This works well since we have an intimate knowledge of the value of their estates, having just completed the divorce. Likewise, we refer people to financial advisors when finances need to be re-worked or retirement accounts have to be divided. We even provide connections to great mental health specialists! We can connect you with just about any type of professional! Esther is an amazing network personality. She is great at developing relationships with other professionals, allowing us to provide our clients with more than just a divorce decree or a final order. We can litigate with them and help them
with the additional resources to make the next phases of life easier. Let us know if you ever need any assistance with anything outside of our expertise! - Andrea Johnson
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WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FALL ACTIVITY?
Amanda D. Decorating for Halloween Amanda H. Alabama football Brianna Helping decorate my family’s home Lily Carving pumpkins or college football Ashlyn Carving pumpkins Natasha
Sara Cider and long walks Stephanie Baking and football Abigayle
“I WAS EXTREMELY HAPPY WITH THE TURN OUT, AND I APPRECIATE ALL THE WORK THAT WENT INTO GETTING IT DONE. I WILL BE RECOMMENDING THEM TO MY FRIENDS IF AND WHEN A TIME COMES THAT THEY NEED A DIVORCE ATTORNEY.” RAVE REVI EWS
Going on walks to see the leaves change Grace Gamecock football Maggie Decorating my house with
Apple picking and going to a farm. Esther Apple picking Jennifer My birthday
fall items Kaitlyn
Baking & going to the pumpkin
patch with my family
L entil and S weet P otato S tew Inspired by EatYourselfSkinny.com
BRAIN BREAK
ingredients • 1 onion, diced • 2 cloves garlic, minced • 1 tbsp olive oil • 2 cups green lentils, rinsed • 1 large sweet potato, peeled and cubed • 6 cups low-sodium vegetable broth
• 2 bay leaves • 1/2 tsp turmeric • 1/4 tsp cumin • 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/2 tsp salt • Fresh parsley
This delicious dish will keep your family warm, full, and happy as the weather cools down.
directions 1. In a large pot over medium heat, sauté onion and garlic in olive oil for about 3 minutes. 2. Add all other ingredients except for salt and parsley. 3. Turn the heat to high until it is boiling, then reduce it to low and allow to simmer uncovered for 20–30 minutes, or until the lentils are cooked through. 4. Remove pot from heat and stir in salt. Top with parsley and enjoy!
CANDY GOURD HAUNTING LEAVES LIBRA MARIGOLD
MOON OPAL PUMPKIN SOUP TEACHERS TOUCHDOWN
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THE QUESTION BENEATH EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE
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DANISH PARENTING DEMYSTIFIED
LET US INTRODUCE YOU TO THE RIGHT EXPERTS
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QUESTION AND ANSWERS
LENTIL AND SWEET POTATO STEW
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WICKED WANDERLUST
A H alloween T ravel T rio HAUNTED HORIZONS
If your idea of fun seasonal travel is touring a spooky castle in October rather than hitting a sandy beach in July, here are three vacation ideas that will take your Halloween fun to spine-tingling new heights this year! WHERE WITCHES WANDER When it comes to Halloween-themed adventures, no other place on the East Coast offers more macabre merriment than Salem, Massachusetts. Known for its infamous witch trials of the late 1690s, the city transforms its dark past into a destination that balances historical facts with tongue-in-cheek kitsch. The weeks leading up to Oct. 31 are filled with more magic shows, tours, special events, and Halloween-themed shopping opportunities than you can shake a broom at. If you decide to partake in the area’s devilish fun this year, visit the Salem Witch Board
Museum — which boasts the world’s most extensive Ouija board collection — and the Salem Witch Museum. BOURBON BONE-CHILLERS If you want to add Southern charm to your Halloween chills, a trip to New Orleans, Louisiana, is in order. From above-ground cemeteries and ghost tours to ghoulishly adorned shops in the French Quarter (including the must-visit Marie Laveau’s House of Voodoo on Bourbon Street) and an annual Halloween parade, The Big Easy will surely put you in touch with your spooky side. DETOUR TO DRACULA’S DEN From the classic 1922 film “Nosferatu” to the Francis Ford Coppola-directed cinematic masterpiece “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” that premiered 70 years later, our cultural interest in vampires has spanned decades — and, in
the case of Transylvania, Romania, centuries . Anyone with a passport and a desire to catch a glimpse at the real-world aesthetic that helped define the image of Dracula and other distinctive undead characters should visit Bran Castle, an amazing monument of Gothic architecture and the long-rumored residence of infamous 15th century-era prince and mass murderer Vlad the Impaler — widely believed to be the real-life inspiration behind the Dracula character. While many of the legends associated with Transylvania may be more fiction than fact, the locale remains the go-to spot for anyone with an affinity for apparitions.
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