Warren's Wit
Since we will no longer be blessed with his witty President's Messages, we have asked Warren to write a monthly column. Enjoy! by Dr. Warren Stucki - Immediate Past President of ICL
I don’t need your pity or a psychiatrist (no, we’ll not vote on that). But I still need a job. I reached into my bag of skills and pulled out—RANCHING! ANIMAL HUSBANDRY! I hated it as a kid, but like poor decisions, it’s kinda in my DNA. I had the land. All I needed was breeding stock. I purchased two Black Angus cows. Sure, their ribs were showing, but I got them for a steal. In ranching parlance, they were to be my ‘seed animals’. “Hi, neighbor!” Mr. Bud Buttinsky climbed over my fence like he paid the taxes. “That would be Mr. President to you,” I snapped. “Sure thing, Prez”—he nodded toward the cows—“looks like you got a couple of live ones.” “If you must know, I’m going into the ranching business.”
Warren Stucki
“Skinny. Got ‘em on Wegovy?” “Very funny,” I replied, not laughing. “They’re my breed stock.” “So, you plan to grow a herd?” “I think,” I replied sarcastically, “that’s what the word ‘breed’ means.” “Well,” Buttinsky continued—a razor-thin smile—“good luck with that.”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” “Nothing, ‘cept they’re both heifers...”
“Get outta here!” I pointed at the fence. “I know ranching! And furthermore, I’m a urologist—I know male anatomy!” But once Buttinsky had gone, I hurried over to the cows, dropped to the ground, and slid under one’s belly. No balls! And I don’t mean baseballs! Slid under the other. Same deal! Thirty-eight years in medicine, and apparently, I still needed a second opinion. Back at the house, I dug out my old college Comparative Anatomy textbook and looked at the pictures. Sure enough, Mr. Buttinsky was right! No way to grow a herd with just two females! So much for my cattle empire. Back to the drawing board, but first I needed to find a restroom. The cattle weren’t reproducing, but my prostate was thriving.
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