LI tend to think of myself as self- aware, but I’m beginning to see that I really have confused awareness with self- consciousness or confidence. Because I can give a million reasons why I drank doesn’t actually make me self-aware. Asking myself why did I drink every hungover morning lead me to ruminate on emotions or situations that I believed led to drinking. There’s a simple answer to that that I didn’t see before- I was addicted and going to drink whether I was happy, mad, or sad. Everything changed once I had “The Revelation” that I could no longer drink if I wanted to be alive for my family. It was turning the question from “Damnit, why did you drink again?” to “What do you truly want in your life?”. The self-criticism and second-guessing of everything I’ve done could be paralyzing. But, I will try to focus on today and simply ask “what” can I do to support people in my life today. I know one thing for sure, whatever the “what” is, I will be able to do it because I won’t be drunk or hungover. H.A.
NOT TODAY LADY, NOT TODAY
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