FEATURE j §
INNOVATIONS
in learning by H. Norman Wright
W hen people are asked to serve as teachers, youth sponsors or even deacons, there is a phase of their job for which they are usually not informed or prepared. That is counseling! Any person in a helping capacity in a local church will be confronted head-on with in dividuals who share their problems with them. People do this because they are eager to gain assistance and insight into that which is trou bling them. A teacher counsels with students and at times with their parents. Sponsors do the same. Deacons of the church call upon the sick and bereaved at home or in the hospital. But have these volun teers been prepared? Have they been given some basic guidelines as to what to say and what not to say? In the majority of cases (where any training is provided) the topic of counseling is very rarely con sidered. There are some basic guidelines to follow that may assist the volun teer worker: 1. Listen. When people come with a problem, they are usually looking for an attentive ear. They want someone who is willing to take the time to sit down and hear them out. In many cases basically all a person needs is the opportu nity to verbalize in the presence of another person what is bothering him. By listening to a person, we convey to him that he is so impor tant and valued as an individual that it is worth taking our time to help them. Listening though is 20
sometimes difficult. It has been said that we hear only about 2 5 % of what others say to us. Listening means that we drop anything else that we are doing and give the per son our undivided attention. Real listening means that we are not thinking about what we are going to say as soon as the other person finishes talking! We are totally tuned into their words. 2. Acceptance. What another per son shares with you may be very personal and may be clearly some type of behavioral problem that is a sin. A person who counsels ac cepts what the person is saying and does not reject him because of what he is sharing. Acceptance does not mean that we agree with his behavior. He may realize this before he confides in us. Accept ance means that we are willing to let people talk about what is both ering them and we will try to help them— not pass judgment. 3. Reflection and Summarization. As a person shares his problems, the person doing the counseling can assist by looking at the prob lem and reflecting back to the per son, what he just said. A statement like, “ If I understand you correct ly, you’re saying that . . ." lets the person know that you understand him. From time to time, it is help ful to summarize for individuals what they have shared. It helps them focus on the problem. 4. What is causing the problem? Assist them to identify the source of their difficulty. This does not
mean that you say to them, “This is what is wrong," or “You know, all you need to do is. . .” See if they can specify the cause. A state ment like, “You have shared with me what seems to be troubling you. Now, can you think back and see what might be contributing to this difficulty?" You may also have to consider the question “Who’s caus ing the problem?” 5. What are some alternatives to what you are doing now? Quite of ten people get caught up in a minor difficulty but because they are so close to the problem they fail to see any other way of tackling it. Have the person consider several other means of coping with his situa tion. Ask him to suggest some al ternatives. After he has done this, ask him to try to predict the possi ble outcomes if he were to follow any of these alternatives. It is true that you could probably suggest several but by having him make the suggestions, the decision for action will be more meaningful. It also teaches him that he does have some ability when it comes to solv ing his problems. 6. Which alternative will you choose? Ask them for some type of a commitment, and when they will put this into effect. Be sure that they have considered the possible outcome of choosing this new pat tern. Be sure also that they realize it might not work the first time they attempt a change, but it may after repeated attempts. 7. Ask "How else can I help?” THE KING’S BUSINESS
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