The Stretch and Stress o f it by Gordon and Dorothea daech
Where Does All The Money Go? H ow do other people seem to make their income go so much further? Why do we feel guilty every time we spend money for some special pleasure? Why do we always end up in an argument every time money is discussed? A popular magazine sought answers to some of these questions in a comprehensive study conducted a few years ago on “What Money Does to Marriage.” They found, in questioning some 500 husbands and wives that most couples (nearly 6 0 % ) quarrel about money, and that the families who quarrel most are in the middle-income ($6,000 to $9,000-a-year) bracket. Financial worries, statistics show, cause more family problems than any other. Even more crucial, however, is the discovery that a harmonious financial relation ship is essential to a harmonious physical and spir itual relationship. Affluence— Where? Ours is referred to as the "affluent society” and we are a country that boasts the highest per capita income and standard of living the world has ever known. Yet the typical American family is burdened with debts and baffled with the problems of making ends meet. “We live from pay check to pay check,” and "Savings? What’s that?" are remarks frequently voiced by young businessmen during coffee breaks. In every block, on almost every American street, are found young couples comparing the neighbor's late- model cars, glamorous vacations and mortgage-free houses with their own tangle of bills, inadequate sav ings and month-to-month existence. Most of us are reluctant to admit that money matters are a problem in our marriages and a source of frequent friction. End-of-the-month reckoning in the form of bill-paying or deciding who may be en titled to make purchases for his or her personal use are uniformly areas of extreme sensitivity in most
marriages. Perhaps this is why it seems difficult to be objective in discussions about money. Even to raise a question about the other mate’s capacity to manage wisely is highly resented. Such defensiveness about money management indicates the potentially negative effect financial matters can have on our mar riage relationships. Nor can we assume that as income is increased, our handling of money will be wiser. One bank executive has observed that “the higher the standard of living, the more ways there are of being poor." Most of us are honest to admit that our stand ard of living isn’t likely to drop during the course of marriage. On the contrary, It seems constantly to rise, often disproportionately to income or cost-of-living indices. For couples who have a more than adequate in come, there may be different kinds of financial prob lems. These may include the wise disposition of sur plus funds, investment possibilities, assigned and ascribed values (friendships, participation in civic affairs, personal and real property holdings, etc.). With every family, whether affluent or of very modest means, careful financial planning should include an insurance program that is realistically related to family income and family size. Likewise, thought should be given very early in marriage to the making of a will or a trust, and a reputable attorney consulted for advice in the matter. How Do We Feel About Money? Attitudes and feelings about money are often more important in creating problems in marriage than are our actual spending practices. Some of these are acquired in our homes as we are growing up and oth ers are the result of the emphasis society tends to place upon money and material possessions. As a re sult, each mate brings a different set of money values to marriage, based on his or her own family’s eco nomic system or his exposure to society's money values.
JUNE, 1970
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