of marriage. They don’t realize that such a view would put God in a con tradictory position of commanding Adam and Eve to sin, which is un thinkable. God doesn’t tempt man with evil! Therefore, God did not encourage them to do wrong. He en couraged them to do what was with in the framework of holiness and righteousness. There should never be shame or an aftermath of reproach as a result of the act of marriage. Instead, it should be one of life’s most marvelous, beautiful, and uni fying aspects of life. CHAPTER SEVEN A discussion on “adjustment in marriage” would not be complete without considering adjusting to children. Many times I have had a couple say to me in the counseling room when I ask, “When do you plan to raise your family?”, “Oh, we’re going to wait a while, and adjust to each other.” I guess is a rather nat ural response for most people today, and has some merit. But I often wonder how long they plan to wait. Some people, I am afraid, after ten years aren’t much better off in ad justing than they were when they started. Children have a way of putting in their appearance whether you are adjusted or not. Then you have to make adjustments not only for each other but also for children. You’ll find that the wife who was free to come and go with her husband is now confined, and if she rebels against that, and chafes against that which God intended to be a source of blessing, her children can be a hindrance. One thing to keep in mind about children I would like to make pri mary: you don’t have to be an expert parent to be a good one. The most important one thing we can give our children is love. Almost all psycholo gists agree on the fact that the pri mary need of the human being is 10
love. The person who is loved has a built-in security, a feeling of being needed and wanted. No child starts off on a good basis when he feels that he really wasn’t wanted in the first place, and that he really is a hindrance in the home. Instead, a child needs to feel that he was loved, he was sought of the Lord, and his parents are grateful that he is a member of the family. I remember a minister friend who had a child with a bed-wetting problem. He went to the doctor, and the doctor wanted to try hypnosis on him. The minister thought about it and decided he would use some of the principles himself and not resort to the hypno sis. Each night before he went to bed, he took the child to the toilet. He came back while the boy was in that semi-conscious state where he was partially awake and partially asleep. Then the pastor would lean over the child and talk to him. He would call him by name and say, “Son, I want you to know I love you. I want you to know that I am glad that you are my son. God has given you to me, and I want you to grow up to be a fine young man.” Within two weeks that boy’s bed-wetting stopped and even more important, his behavior in the home changed. Instead of being an unlovely, cantakerous “critter,” he became a co-operative, joyous spirit. The only way we can account for it is by the fact that he was assured that his Dad loved him. Every boy wants to know the love of a father and a mother. I read an article some time ago by a psychologist in Read er’s Digest on the power ,of touch. The author said “When a man walks up to a boy and just puts his arm around him, he makes that boy feel secure. It is as if the father were saying, ‘This is my son. I love him, and I am proud of him.’ ” A boy needs to feel the approval of his fa ther. Most of us become so busy and self-oriented that we don’t take time to make our children feel that they
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