Biola Broadcaster - 1969-04

killed her. I looked over at her and tears were running down her cheeks. She looked at me, and I knew what she was thinking. She was saying in her heart, “Oh, but how many times I’d rather you strike me than everlastingly club me with disap­ proval.” Disapproval is devastating. Always give your wife love! Com­ pliment her, be courteous to her, pre­ fer her, “In honor preferring one another.” Show your approval. Actu­ ally, if you examine the areas of aggravation, you will find that they are only a small percentage. As you look at y&ur wife, you will find that you do approve of many things about her. You may not approve of the way she keeps house, but she is a good cook, or a wonderful mother. Maybe she is a little disorganized or maybe she has a weakness in some other area but if you examine the strengths and the weaknesses, you’ll come out with a plus. The problem is that we are often prone to put the weaknesses of our partner under the magnifying glass of scrutiny, and they become so gigantic that they eclipse all of the rest. Show her some approval, love and kindness, and you will be amazed at how they come back to you. CHAPTER ELEVEN The fourth key to a happy mar­ riage is communication. Young lov­ ers rarely have a communication problem. In fact, they seem to be able to talk about anything. Lack of communication is almost always a problem for couples that come in for counseling. Either they communicate wrong (by that I mean at the top of their lungs in the heat of rage) or they don’t communicate at all. Ann Landers in her syndicated column wrote this about communi­ cation: “The most important single ingredient in a marriage is the abili­ ty to communicate. If my fan mail is a fair reflection of what goes on with Mr. and Mrs. America behind 16

closed doors, and I think it is, most marital problems stem from the in­ ability of two people to talk to each other. How precious is the ability to communicate! A mature man and woman recognize that there is unity in love, but at the same time there must be freedom for both individ­ uals. Neither should be swallowed up by the other. Each must main­ tain his personality and his identity. A solemn marriage means together­ ness but it also should mean respect for the rights and privileges of the other party. Couples who are secure in marriage can be honest about all kinds of feelings. A man and wife who can air their differences get the hostility out of their system and kiss and make up have an excellent chance of growing old together.” It has been an amazing thing to me to find that couples settle for a second- rate marriage when they could have a good, wholesome marriage by learning to communicate. A woman who did not know that I already had talked with her husband came to me for counseling. Their problem seemed to be that, “My wife isn’t 100% committed to the Lord.” At least, that’s what her husband thought. Her problem was that she didn’t think he was committed to the Lord though he wanted to go into Christian work but she didn’t feel he was spiritually ready for it. Any­ way, one night she asked me if I could come in. I was going home from church, and since she lived in the same area, she said, “Why don’t you come in?” I thought I was go­ ing in for just a cup of coffee before I went home. Little did I know that she wanted to trap her husband and the three of us get together. So there we were! Neither one knew that I had counseled with the other. He looked up; didn’t have his shirt on, was watching T.V., and was kind of embarrassed. When we got through the first few tense moments, she said, “I’ve invited the pastor over so we

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