talking it over - with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a psychologist and Consultant in Research and Guidance with one of the largest school systems in the United States.
I filed for divorce. I know it won’t be easy for the children. However, I would like to explain to them so they won’t take it so hard. Answer: It seems to me that your prob lem is much deeper than the one of seeking an explanation suitable to your children. It is interesting to note that you state I have decided. According to God’s Word, it is not for us Christians to decide. God’s in structions and solutions stand the test of time. Human decisions have only temporary, if any, real value. One might ask if your contemplated action will solve your problem or add to it. Studies reveal that those who marry the second time are poorer risks than those who marry for the first time. As I counsel with people I am im pressed with the misconception which so many have. That misconception is that married couples get along per fectly at all times. Actually, there is no such thing as a perfect human re lationship, because we are imperfect people with different backgrounds and beliefs. Many fine couples have saved their marriage by carefully dis cussing their differences and the causes of their differences. In summary, there probably is no easy way to explain divorce to chil dren. Little do we realize that every time a parent gets a divorce, the child gets one too! M EN TA L HEALTH Question: What does one mean by the term “ mental health.” Answer: Mental health might be de scribed as a positive, dynamic bal ance amidst stress and strain. One who enjoys good mental health has a wholesome optimistic outlook on life, even though life may not always be rosy. The term mental health was once thought to be closely related to the absence of mental disease, how ever, today a far more positive con ception is prevalent.
save you. Read in your Bible these verses: Romans 3:23, Ephesians 2:8, 9, John 3:16, Romans 10:13, and John 10:28. Surrender your life to Christ and ask Him to forgive your sins. Deposit your whole being into His keeping. This will give you new power, new desires and a new out look. (See II Corinthians 5:17.) After you are saved, devote your self daily to reading God’s Word. In it He will tell of His love for you. As you grow in the Christian life you will overcome much, if not all of your severe feelings. Devotion to Christ always makes us more normal. Secondly, get with a confidential friend, preferably a fine pastor or his wife and in a number of counseling sessions go through your past experi ences and discuss how they have caused your present feelings. As you do so, the present impulses will lose their power, so that you can think and react in a normal fashion. Remember, many people have had the same problem as you now have, and they have found a great measure of adjustment through the two pro cedures I have just outlined. P.S. Note to parents: See how im portant it is to raise your children in a quiet, Godly, and loving environ ment. You can save your son or daughter from a lifetime of suffering and years in mental institutions by observing some sensible, Godly rules of healthful living. Question: For a long time my husband and I have not been getting along w ell together. Our unhappiness is re flected in the children, which makes them extrem ely nervous, hard to manage, and cross. Since the situation is getting worse and we can’t seem to do anything about it, I have decided that it would probably be best for all concerned if CHILDREN GET DIVORCES TOO
W ILL I EVER BE ABLE TO LOVE A MAN?
Question: / am a teenage girl of six teen. I want to know if it is possible for a girl who was very much mis treated by her father in early child hood to find it almost impossible in later life to love the opposite sex? I would like very much to have this question answered because it bothers me a great deal. M y father was an alcoholic. When either sober or drunk, he would often attempt to murder my brother and my mother. H e never treated me as brutally, but I was a witness to all of this. M y mother didn’t believe in divorce, but in order to have the law on her side for the protection of her children and herself, she finally ob tained a divorce. I have never accepted a date. If I feel that a fellow is going to ask me out, I completely avoid him. I can hardly stand the thought of getting married. Can you give me any advice that might help me to overcome this problem? W ill I ever completely “ out-grow” this? Answer: I deeply appreciate your let ter because it shows so clearly how we all develop feelings and attitudes. As adults we hold to certain points of view, or we have definite attitudes because in childhood we have had experience which subtly colored or shaped our thinking. It is only natural that you are afraid of men and boys because of the severe and continued experiences you had as a child and adolescent. Actual ly, you have already taken the first step in solving your problem. You have identified it and have sought help. Yes, you will be able to overcome these severe feelings. There are two basic ways of doing this. First, is through spiritual resources. You need to turn to the Lord and ask Him to
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TH E KING'S BUSINESS
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