BY MADELINE PISTORIOUS Y ou’ve slept maybe five hours the der over and over again. The kids won’t stop fighting over the TV remote. You’ll make it to practice drop-off on time only if your child stops refusing to get in the car. Dinner isn’t made, and neither is the school project your child mentioned an hour before bedtime. Mom Rage past few nights. You’re finishing emails while your child taps on your shoul-
but because your nervous system is flooded.
The house hasn’t been tidied in days— weeks, if you’re honest.
You literally can’t take another thing right now. Then you see red. This experience is what’s known as mom rage. Mom rage is a nervous system overload response to chronic stress, invisible labor, hormonal shifts, overstimulation, sleep depri- vation, identity loss, emotional suppression, and broader systemic and neurological factors, including patriarchy and neurodi- versity. It is not synonymous with abusive behavior, but rather a state of dysregulation. “When we undergo typical parenting frus- tration, it can be temporary, easy to recover from, and we still feel relatively grounded,” describes therapist and author Martina Nova, MCPRCC, MCP. “But when we feel mom rage, it’s explosive or disproportionate, physically intense, and hard to stop once it’s activated— usually followed by guilt, shame, or emotional crashing.” When Everything Boils Over The buildup is often subtle at first. It can look like resentment over small tasks, feeling emotionally detached from your partner or children, snapping more easily than usual, or carrying a constant sense that you can never fully rest. Over time, those moments stack until the nervous system reaches a breaking point. When you’ve hit that breaking point, taking a few deep breaths isn’t enough. Nova recommends putting your child somewhere safe and briefly stepping away yourself— not because there’s necessarily danger,
“Step into another room, splash cold water on your face, and hold ice cubes in your hands,” she ex- plains. “Cooling sensations are some of the best ways to regulate our nervous systems. In these moments, we need to regu- late the body before we regulate the mind.” Nova also recommends reducing sensory overload through somatic regulation techniques, like using sensory tools, dimming the lights, or putting in noise- reducing headphones. Reconnection After Overwhelm Many mothers spiral into shame after yelling or emotionally breaking down, often with- drawing because they fear they’ve scared their child or caused damage. But reconnect- ing afterward is important, Nova explains. Acknowledging both your child’s feelings and your own can help interrupt that shame cycle and create space for repair instead of avoidance. “Children learn much more through rupture and repair than through no rupture at all. In some ways, it can be more beneficial for a child to experience a parent’s dysregulation if it’s followed by repair, rather than having a perfectly regulated parent all the time, ”Nova says. You don’t need to jump into a big emotional conversation while still flooded with emotion. Repair with your kiddos can
happen later—15 minutes later, or when you’re calm.
“You might say: ‘Remember when Mommy yelled earlier? That probably felt scary. I was overwhelmed, and I reacted strongly. That wasn’t your fault, and I’m sorry,’” she explains. The key is acknowledging behavior without excusing it or blaming the child. Connection matters more than long explana- tions—cuddling, reading, playing, or getting on their level. These moments teach children that emotions are safe, relationships are repairable, and caregivers are human. Even when a parent loses it sometimes, secure attachment can still exist. Ultimately, these moments teach children that parents are human too. “That idea is very freeing for many people,” Nova says. More Than “Just Stress” Even after repair and reconnection, many moms still spiral into shame. Nova says that’s because mom rage often collides with deeply internalized beliefs about what a “good mother” should be. “Instead of thinking my nervous system is overloaded,” she explains, “we think there’s something wrong with me.”
12 JULY 2026 | CINCINNATIFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM
Made with FlippingBook Digital Proposal Creator