MIND • BODY • SPIRIT
Mindful Living Through Letting Go Facing The Barriers In Your Way Part Two: The Pitfall Of Future Fear
is not about holding on to an item for practical purposes, though it may seem so at the time. It’s about staving off fear of the future, the worry about one you cannot predict or control. You worry about being vulnerable or hav- ing a need you can’t instantly meet. You feel holding onto an item some- how helps you achieve that imaginary need in your imaginary future, and you’ll feel prepared, smart, resource- ful, valuable, and just plain “better” than you would without it. And you worry not being able to do that means that past-you let future-you down by letting go of that item. You worry you will regret your choice you make to- day, so you prefer to hold onto it, “just to be sure,” rather than value the goals you have for your space and your life today. This worry causes stress, and con- sidering letting go of things creates conflict between your desire to live a freer life and your fear that you will face a time in the future of regret, loss, waste, or failure. Your desire to live with less stress in the future requires coexisting with much more stress until that point. The barrier arises when you’re willing to trade off today’s stress for tomorrow: “I’d rather deal with the very stressful life of stuff and clutter today than face the potential stress of not being able to meet a need tomorrow.” Now, we all have experienced this fear and can come at this from many different experiences in life. Some- times, it can be through hardship. Growing up in a home with very little, learning to scrimp, save, and waste nothing. Living like that now because you have no other option financially. Surviving loss, like a fire or flood, which may have you clinging to your possessions more tightly Maybe you’re the kind of person who has received praise or pride from being a “go-to” person, a resourceful person, one who can help someone else in need by “rescuing them” when they don’t have something, and this has become an essential part of your identity. You hear yourself saying, “I need to hold onto this, just in case someone else could use this and I can help them. That’s the kind of person/ friend family member/employee I want to be.” Sometimes, you can be focused more on justifying your commitment to an item from your past, rather than the genuine need for the future. “Well, the money I spent on this already is gone, so I should hold onto it so I can continue to justify the purchase with opportunities that MAY arise in the future.” This is the “Bridesmaid Dress Syndrome,” in which we are deluded into thinking we will get more use out of something in the future, thereby
BY KATHY VINES
Your home is your sanctuary. Or, at least, you think it should be, but you haven’t felt that way about it lately. I hear it every day from people calling me, a Certified Professional Organiz- er®, for help: “I’m just overwhelmed, I have too much stuff, and I don’t know where to start.” They’re at a loss what to do next, but they know things need to change and hope bringing in an expert can help unlock what’s been holding them back, help them move forward. When I speak to a potential client, I listen for their readiness, an indicator they’re in a position not only to do the hard work physically, but to change their mindset about what they own and why they own it. I listen to hear if they can face the question: “What am I willing to change in order to live the way I say I want to?” This change is rooted in critical thinking that can shift our perspective from, “What am I willing to let go of?” to “What is truly worth keeping?” It invites us to make space in our minds, hearts, and homes for things we truly love and use, the things that serve us in our current life and foreseeable future, and to let go of the rest. This isn’t easy, because those minds and hearts sometimes have other plans about these simple questions. “It’s not about the stuff,” most pro- fessional organizers will explain. It’s about what connects us to the stuff that gets in our way of making a change. Individuals work with profes- sionals like myself to untangle their relationship to their stuff, to identify the psychological and emotional barri- ers they face when trying to let things go and develop strategies to move forward. In this four-part series, we explore some of the most common barriers people face when trying to let things go. These are the statements that start, “I know I should let it go, BUT…” and you end up holding on to the item, de- spite your goal of living more simply and reducing the causes of stress in your life. The first installment in the Spring 2020 issue explored guilt and gifts. This second installment, Future Fear, or “I might need it someday” is something to which I expect we can all relate! “I Might Need It Someday.” You’ve probably said these words as you’ve gone through piles, files, shelves, cabinets, and closets. Amaz- ingly, these words have the power to paralyze forward movement and to make you fear an imagined life where “needing it” occurred, and you were left without it. Saying “I might need this someday”
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PATHWAYS—Fall 20—29
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