MIND • BODY • SPIRIT
into a fun game of seeing what is re- membered. Perhaps for many families this year, family vacations will either be nonexistent or very different. But parents can set up special times and play the “memory game.” I love to hear what our children have remem- Precious Memories ...continued from page 39
hands. When we get together and start remembering my dad, one of us will say, “Let me give you a grandpa hug,” and we all laugh in fondness of the man we all loved so much. After my father passed, my mother liked to sit for several hours each day and just look at old photos of him. With each photo, she tried to remem- ber as many details as she could, and also how happy she had been to be with him. I checked on my mother every day as she lived right next door. Sometimes she would be right in the middle of her memory time and she would be so happy. Often, I joined her in looking at the photos, but some- times I left her alone as it seemed something magical was happening. And then there are romantic memories. Recalling romantic times with your partner can be very heal- ing. Sometimes, in a couple’s work- shop, we will have each couple recall together when they first met and why they felt attracted to the other, what they felt when they first saw the other, what it felt like to hold hands for the first time, how they experi- enced the first kiss, the first time they joined their bodies together, and any other memories they have of their early years together. We have found that this is very helpful in connect- ing couples back into their hearts and their deep love for each other. There are also memories that cause
pain in our hearts. It is best with these memories to try and feel the gift that you received from this painful event. If you cannot find a gift or way that you have grown from this pain, it is good to connect with a therapist to help you move past the pain. If you keep reliving the painful memory, it can eventually affect your physical and mental health. But the other memories of joy, laughter, warmth, friendship, fun, love, romance, and spiritual experi- ence are very beneficial to remember and talk about. With so much taken away from us now during the pan- demic, the memories that we have can be a source of much nurturing and meaning, especially if the memories can connect with your heart and bring a feeling of warmth and gratitude. Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/thera- pist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relation- ship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 9 books. Call 831-684-2299 for further information on counseling sessions by phone, on-line, or in person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their web site at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.
bered, and often what they remember best becomes part of the fabric of our family talked about year after year. And then there are the memories of a loved one that has passed. Try to re- member the loving, fun parts of being with this person, and share as many memories with others as you can. As we have to social distance now, per- haps have a video meeting with your siblings or friends to share memories. My father passed from this world twenty-one years ago. Our family likes to remember him by the unusual hugs that he gave. My dad was so uncom- fortable with hugging people and for many years he just gave a slap on the back, keeping a distance. This was typical of men his age. As our children grew, they did not want a slap on the back. They wanted a real hug from their grandpa. Gradually over a few years he changed. He would get close to us as if to hug, and then he would slap our backs with both of his hands, his clear idea of increased intimacy. We all remember his “hugs” with such fondness for it showed my father will- ing to risk changing a lifetime behav- ior to show his great love for us with a hug, but still keeping his old tradition with a gentle slap on our back with his
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